This is just gross! Pasta with Fresca in it and you eat it? And then have the balls to complain about a little oil in it too? What the hell’s wrong with you Kyla?
What?
Pasta Fresca is what? Really?
Ok then, carry on.
To the idjit who, after I told them I would not do something for them after working all day, called my supervisor and told her to tell me to do it.
Like that really helped your cause. :wally
Attention city of Memphis: Learn to fucking drive. Pay attention. Concentrate.
Please?
Here’s my rant about the buidling where I work: I work on the third floor, and I would happily walk down the stairs to exit, except all stairways lead to either emergency-only exits or an exit into a busy alleyway that has no room for pedestrians to walk. I would even happily walk up the stairs in the morning, except you cannot access any of the stairwells from outside. Meanwhile, the elevator inspection certificates expired a year ago. AUUUUUGH!!!
Dear Spammers,
Writing “This is not spam” at the end of your message does not, in fact, change the fact that it is.
Sincerely,
JerH
Why can’t my loan officers give me a file with all their documents facing the same goddamn way? That’s what I want to know. Did they fucking fail kindergarten? They give me files with all these bullshit pieces of random paper in no discernable order, and then when I tidy them up, I realize that half the documents belong to another borrower! Do you even look at what you’re doing?
Sun and clocks, move faster. It cannot possibly not be 4pm yet.
Ice Cube: How can you go from “when I’m called off, I’ve got a sawed-off/squeeze the trigger, and bodies are hauled off” to the insipid family comedy opening this weekend that you seem to be starring in?
Are you feeling that breeze? That’s Eazy-E spinning in his grave.
Dearest Darling Pupils,
I’m sure that you’ve been told since September to either spit out your gum upon entry into the classroom or to chew it so quietly that we teachers can, in good conscience, ignore it. It is now January - heading rapidly for February - and some of you still haven’t grasped the concept.
I say to you darlings who cannot seem to chew gum in a non-disruptive manner (Who knew one could chew gum disruptively?): SPIT. THE GUM. OUT. WHEN YOU ENTER THE CLASSROOM.
Dear university,
I know you feel you should help your students get home at night safely. In fact, I think it is a very noble effort, and I especially love that you provide a nice, heated, free shuttle service considering the temperatures and snow.
However, having that shuttle run every 55 minutes is just stupid. I actually like the class that I have to leave early from to catch the shuttle, as the best alternative is to wait nearly an hour for the next one. How about having it run just after classes get out all night, and not just for the first two runs?
I don’t give a bloody shit about who Donald Trump is sticking his teeny little dick into.
I was thinking the same thing about Snoop. 187 on an undercover cop to Soul Plane?
Trust me… it’s better than the alternative. 
I pit my Chipotle chicken fajita burrito for being so damned tasty and making me want another. I pit my stomach for not being able to fit two.
The non humaniod telemarketing mechanical goat felchers who leave messages on my cellphone,necessitating my spending a buck to delete that offer of cheap real estate in Orlando. Being that the NHTMGF is indeed a recording, it doesn’t appreciate my bellowing “Boil your testicles in a cassoulet!”
Further mini-rent: cellphone provider does not offer a ‘reject all blocked numbers’ feature.
Dear P— S----
What the FUCK kind of business do you run that you need all these new domain names right away, one (or more) of your three accounts with us has its credit card declined each month, and once a year you change your business name? I was really hoping I’d do a bad job at convincing you to stay with us when you wanted to go with another company. I was THIS CLOSE to saying “awesome. see ya later!”
Hey D–
WTF dude? Do you like me or no? I know you’re ‘quiet’ but it’s kind of hard to read your mind. Should I save a spot in my schedule for ya or no? We’re in our mid-twenties, we’ve gone out 4 times - yet why is everything still so formal? Stop being quiet and let me fuck you already.
Mom -
Really. I am working. I work till 5. I know I work at home. I know I am just sitting here. I know. But I work till 5. Hooray for you that you get off at 3:30. I do not. I work till 5.
You wanted matte?
I think I’ll add one for some people I know. Not something I’ve ever run into, but maybe I can fight ignorance at the same time
Those people are from Cape Sable Island. No, that’s not where the horses are. That’s just Sable Island. No ‘Cape’. See the difference?
Dear Good Friends Who Are Bonking Each Other:
Love ya both, glad you’re getting some, but precisely how many times do I have to ask you to knock of the sex talk in front of me? Since you’ve started your torrid affairette, it’s been EVERY GODDAMN TIME I SEE ONE OR BOTH OF YOU despite the fact that I ask-- politely!-- to please not do that in front of me for very understandable, not-prude, non-judgemental reasons. Next time, I politely ask, it’s gonna be followed by a hard whack with a 2x4. Thank you.
Cow orkers who need extremely specific and clear instructions on how to Get Things Done.
Exchange:
“Hey, I can’t find File X any more! It’s not in Directory Y!”
“Well, you could try, I don’t know, searching the entire tree. Who knows, that might even work.”