Trust me - thoughts have crossed my mind…
Not “allowed” to talk? Just who the fuck do they think they are? I hope I wind up in that situation one of these days; I’d tell 'em just where they can stuff their pretentious authoritarian attitudes. I probably wouldn’t be making it onto my plane that day, but if people don’t start standing up to this ridiculous bullshit, it’s never going to get any better. Nobody, not nobody, should be tolerating this.
And I have to agree that TSA employees are so thoroughly incompetent it’s not even funny. A few years back (after 2001), I was going through security with my stepmother; right after she put her purse on the conveyor, she realized she’d forgotten to remove a very large can of bear-strength pepper spray. She helpfully notified one of the TSA agents that she’d inadvertently left “bear spray” in her purse. The agent responded with a nod and a blank stare. Shortly, the lady operating the X-ray pointed out the rather obvious shape of the can to the first agent, who waved it off, saying, “it’s hair spray.” My stepmother had spoken the words “bear spray” quite clearly, so I’m not sure where this misunderstanding came from. If we hadn’t been persistent, they would’ve let us through with enough OC to incapacitate an entire flight crew. :smack:
It’s all such a farce. I’d feel better if they just did away with airport security altogether. Just lock the fucking cockpit doors, and I’ll be satisfied if I just make it to my destination before dying of blood loss from the inevitable terrorist box cutter attack.
I don’t want to be the guy that defends the TSA, but just a guess to the misunderstanding… It was likely the loud volume that occurs in the place. And not only that, who exclaims “bear spray”? Pepper spray is more universal and would likely have been understood much better.
Bear spray? haha…
My thought too. “Bear spray” sounds a lot like “hair spray” and if someone told me they had “bear spray” I wouldn’t know WTF they were talking about, and probably assume they meant hair spray as well.
Well, I guess that much is understandable, but to wave it through without even looking at it? Entirely on the word of the owner of the baggage? Kinda defeats the point. 
You’ll have to blame your management for them, then. The Bush Administration has worked hard to block such regulation of the chemical industry.
No, they actually do make bear spray. I’ve carried it before while camping in Montana.
They make it just for the same reason they make “people mace”: to incapacitate, but not kill. Bears, while not endangered, are protected–you just can’t go around shootin’ 'em all the time. And those that have shot a bear in legitimate self defense tend to be thrown into the same mix the ‘reckless shooters’ do.
So, they came up with bear spray–my can is 2% capscacin, where ‘people’ mace is something more like .02%. If you had ‘bear spray’ in your carry on, I sorry, but I’d have to do a double take as well. . .
Tripler
I’m thinking she said “hair spray.”
Aerosol people seasoning is the correct term, but bear spray is what it is known as where I live.
I was a smartass to the TSA. Not enough to get arrested by saying something that could be taken as a threat, but just enough to let them know that I thought their policies were bullshit and that they were being power-mongering assholes. At MSP when the TSA agent thought that there was something amiss because I had not yet taken off my Teva sandals, and asked why I was still wearing them, I said ‘I have no socks on, and I don’t want to catch any foot fungus or skin disease by walking around barefoot in extremely unsanitary conditions.’
I got the ‘special attention’. I refused to leave my laptop and SLR camera on the conveyor belt while I was taken around the little screen to get my ‘special attention’. When the TSA person told me that I had to because he said so, I told him that the contents of that bag were worth mroe than he makes in two months, and that if he wanted it left there, he could personally assume responsibility to replace everything. So, I picked my stuff up off the conveyor and went to go get ‘screened’.
They wanted to swab my sandals for bombs. When the screener (female, that I had to wait an extra 10 minutes for because a male screener can’t touch my shoes with the paper disc) said to me ‘What is this that looks like dirt on your shoes?’ I had had enough. I said, very icily, ‘That would be dirt. Dirt is what hpappens to shoes when you wear them outside.’
She droppped her little paper disc in the trash and said I could go.
I’m flying to Mexico within the year. I can’t wait to see how fucked up the TSA has made international flights. One of my coworkers may or not make the trip. His name is very common. Like John Smith.
His name is also on the No Fly List. I feel so much safer since my non-terrorist coworker might not be allowed on the plane.
When I first saw this in **Rysdad’s ** post, I thought, “Eh, maybe I’ll figure out what this means as the thread progresses,” but since this is the second time I’m seeing it and I’m no closer to a clue, I could use some help.
Yes, Doperland, it’s time for another edition of Li’l Pluck’s Stupid Moments(TM).
Please edify me.
‘Continous Positive Airway Pressure’. It’s used to treat sleep apnea by maintaining airflow.
A CPAP machine is a piece of medical equipment used by people (like me) with sleep apnea. A box with hoses and a mask. I carried mine on a flight last year with absolutely no problems whatsoever. Since I use one, you’d think I’d know that it stand for Continuous Positive Airway Pressure, but I had to look it up to be sure.
If you’re not familiar with sleep apnea, that means when you stop breathing while you are sleeping.
CPAP (don’t ask me what it stands for) machines are generally used by people who have narcolepsy. It ensures that they get adequate air while they’re sleeping. Plus, it has the cool effect of making you look like Darth Vader!
Lewis Black has a number of rants about how stupid airport security (his oft-quoted comments about phones going from puma-killers to rectally inserted fax machines come from one of them). Of course, George Carlin had some before 9/11 (weirdly prophetic, IMHO).
I got the special treatment early one morning on a typical business flight. Since I was planning to fly to my destination, attend a two hour meeting, then return in the afternoon I had no luggage so I was flagged for going on a two hour flight without luggage.
I had my typical corporate style business suit on and it took a while for me to remove my jacket and dress shoes as well as unpack and repack my briefcase and computer. The screening took a while and everyone boarded while I was being processed. It got to the point where the pilot was waiting for me alone to board.
As I entered the plane carrying my tie in my hand, my jacket across my arm and my poorly repacked business briefcases I loudly spoke up so that all on the plane could hear me say," Sorry to delay all of you. I was dressing as quickly as possible."
I could tell that I was immediately forgiven.
Ahh, I see.
(And, oops, there’s NO WAY I would’ve figured that out by my own devices. Well, except for a Google search, which I was clearly too lazy to do so early in the morning. Oh, and believe it or not, in my early morning haze, I read it as C-R-A-P machine. :smack: How’s that for opening my mouth and removing all doubt? 
)
Many thanks to Roonwit, kittenblue, and Tuckerfan–I appreciate it!
I can see also how going through the shmuck-fest that very often passes for TSA screening with such a machine could be oodles of fun. (Seems you got lucky, kittenblue. Of course (WARNING: POTENTIAL TMI, and I haven’t learned the spoiler box thing yet), I’m just waiting for the day that I forget–or, rather, “forget”–to remove my metal cock ring before I go through the detector, and they “request” my permission for a physical inspection. 
)
About 5 years ago, I was flying back from Orlando with my 6 year old and 9 year old. While we were waiting in the terminal, I got paged, and was told that someone in my party needed to be wanded. I didn’t want to leave my 6 year old unsupervised, so I let them wand my 9 year old son while I watched. The other folks standing there waiting to board the plane found it very amusing as well.
Obviously, he was a very precocious terrorist.
:eek: WTF?!
I’m assuming that you’d gone through security by that point. I wonder what would’ve happened if you hadn’t responded to the page.
Stupid, I tell ya. Just stupid. (Not you. Them.)
Yes, my knee definitely sets off the alarm; it’s about two fist-sized lumps of metal in there, so it’s not really surprising that it does. I hand my knee card along with my ID to security to let them know in the hopes that they won’t search me further, but no such luck. At least now I know to wear a non-underwire bra; that also set off the wand, and I didn’t particularly appreciate being groped right in the middle of the concourse.
He can wear the cowboy boots. Just pair 'em up with a nylon Air Force jacket, a buzzcut, and a pasty white complexion and he’ll go right through.
(If he’s not white, though, nothing will help.)
“When they first started with this, I was so nice about it! ‘Oh, sure! Yes! Of course! No problem! Goooooood bless A-meeeeee-ri-ca…’ But after about the fortieth or fiftieth time, you get so over it… I’m in Tucson, Arizona, doing a show. You know who lives in Tucson, Arizona? THE OLDEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. I’m in line with all these tiny little Ewoks and Yodas, and they’ve got this tiny little old lady in front, and they’re going through her straw handbag… looking at her hankie… ‘Did you want a butterscotch? You seem a little fidgety… take one for your friend too…’ So finally, I just said, ‘Excuse me. I think I speak for everyone here when I say, SHE IS NINETY-SIX YEARS OLD! She is FOUR FOOT TEN! If she tries to start something on the plane, I THINK I CAN TAKE HER!!’”
- Suzanne Westenhoefer