He’s seen all that other crap before. This is probably the first time he’s seen a real-life violin.
Another story. If I recall correctly, it happened several months post 9/11, but pre-installation of decent screening equipment. I was at the New Orleans airport flying out with a bag of recording equipment – recorder, mikes, cables, etc. We’re talking a dozen or so mikes and probably 20 cables of varying lengths, headphones, and I forget what else but it was a whole pile of crap. I get pulled aside for special screening of my carry-on bag, as were the people in line directly behind me.
Since I had all this equipment and they had one little carry-on, plus they had told me they were catching a flight that left in 15 minutes en route to a cruise whereas I had about 1-1/2 hours until my flight, I stepped aside and said, “You guys go on ahead of me. I’m not in a hurry and you are.”
And what did the TSA employee do at that point? She stopped us and insisted that we HAD to be checked in the order in which they’d called us for checking! Even though I had no problem with the other couple going first, and had in fact offered it. Oh no, we must follow a stupid, pointless rule at all costs. Who cares if they miss their cruise?
So, I kid you not, for 45 fucking minutes this idiot TSA woman proceeded to do that scrap-of-cloth test on each end of every cable in my bag, checking each separate plug of each cable and the end of every mike and anything else she could think of to test. All at one pace: glacial. The couple behind me finally realized that she wasn’t going to screen the people, just the bag, and the husband went down and managed to hold their flight till she arrived.
I apologized to the woman the entire time, loudly and at length, and I must say that if I’d gotten a dollar for every sympathetic eyeroll from any other passenger going by us, I’d have become independently wealthy in one afternoon. What an idiotic rule – like letting that couple go first would have made the slightest difference to the order of the universe? Ridiculous.
And you do not even want to hear the tales I’ve heard from transcribing various EEO and other administrative proceedings involving TSA bag checkers. To say that they selected the lowest common denominator is giving them FAR too much credit. They went out and scrounged in the gutters for the collection of losers they’ve got working for them!
I haven’t flown that many times since 9/11, but of the few times, I’ve gotten past security with:
- a Swiss army knife with a 3" blade
- a 12 ounce glass bottle of mocha frappucino
in my carry-on bag. Both times, I’d forgotten that I was carrying it. On the second item, they still called me over to wand swipe my laptop, but couldn’t be bothered to open up my bag.
I agree with Penn and Teller: this ridiculous “security” is costing lives. People get sick and tired of the bullshit, so they drive from point A to point B, and because driving has a much higher per mile death rate, more people die.
My 5 year old nephew was selected for SA because his name, Sean Murphy, is on the terrorist watch list. Apparently the IRA uses 5 year old couriers.
It also galled my sister that her son’s name was mispronounced as “See-ann” by the ever vigilent TSA.
Glad I was able to provide some amusement.
That’s not the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, but after six and a half years of Bush, the bar has been set pretty high.
Of course, the malice has been documented not only in this instance, but in plenty of others. That rule has long been out the window with respect to the Bush Administration, for very good reasons.
Last time I flew they took my hair gel. That shit’s expensive. It’s my fault because I didn’t check it, but I was supposed to fly thrusday night, my flight was bumped to Friday, so I had to hastily unpack the gel, use it the next morning, and then in the bleariness that was 5 AM packed it in my carry-on.
They always search my bags once they are on the plane; do they do that to everyone? I always find that piece of paper in my bag.
Nine-year-old boys are, by definition, terrorists. Granted, it doesn’t normally extend to hijacking airplanes.
As someone else said, any sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice.
I flew to Florida for a bass fishing trip. Both my friend and I carried our tackle boxes on board (they had gone through the x-ray machine just fine.)
Anyway, we’re in the Everglades rigging up for our first cast. My friend is looking in his tackle box. He stops for a minute, then reaches in and pulls out his 8" filet knife. He looks back at me, and sort of shakes his head while smiling.
“Top security,” he says.
He had forgotten it was in there, and Bobo the X-ray Boy couldn’t distinguish it from all of the lures, I guess.
Rather than try to make it through twice, he had them box it up and put it into checked baggage on the way back.
Gotta disagree with you. Shrub would just put someone like “Heckuvajob Brownie” in charge and we’d wind up cars getting sucked into jet engines or something because of how badly they screwed things up.
And the individual TSA agent has no choice but to be a nasty, power-tripping asshole because of the little plastic bag? They have every choice in how they behave, and when they snottily insist that I let a laptop with a million dollars in software out of my signt they’re going to get treated like shit. If I get arrested, that laptop doesn’t leave my sight. The source code to the software I write is on it. It’s more valuable than some jackboot’s attitude.
They actually take ‘Nice jackboots.’ as a compliment.
If only. A colleague of mine got ‘randomly selected’ something like a dozen times on the trot. The really ridiculous thing is that she’s Sri Lankan by origin, with a New Zealand passport, and she’s been resident in the US for a decade or more. But since she falls into the category of "darkie wid a furrin accen’ " she gests pulled over all the damn time.
We just look for a big digital read-out running a countdown.
Your car isn’t unique. We’ve seen others like it. If your car has an “extra” lump or bump, we look more closely. A recently attached device is likely to be relatively clean compared to the expected “dirt and grease”, too. Or have smeared areas.
Ah, you knew the answer all along. For future reference, many of the “bomb in the undercarriage” scenarios involve non-complicit carriers. A vehicle that routinely takes a bunch of non-threatening grannies bird watching is actually a pretty good choice.
I’m sure that would make Arthur C. Clarke smile.
I got the “special attention” with pat-down search etc. a couple of years ago (I apparently fit the dreaded Bearded Male Traveling Alone profile). The TSAer was pleasant and it was no big deal.
The need to take my shoes off before going through security is more of an annoyance. Every time I have to do this, I silently wish Richard Reed an extra portion of maggots in his prison chow.
Personally, I support a free-market solution.
Those who say extra security ‘makes them feel safer,’ could choose ‘Strip-Search and Anal-Probe Airlines.’ The rest of us could board ‘Get On The Damn Plane And Take Your Chances.’ That way everyone could be happy.
Yeah, I like this. (Made me laugh, too.)
Of course, I’d by happy with a middle-of-the-road solution. E.g., something where I’d still have to remove metal objects ('cause I was used to doing that pre-9/11, so no biggie), but would (a) allow me to keep my engraved Swiss Army knife which, while a bit beat up, has sentimental value b/c it was given to me by my Swiss ex-husband (yep, I’m a sentimental fool), and I wouldn’t have to worry about potentially unscrupulous baggage [del]throwers[/del] [del]thieves[/del] handlers or similar TSA’ers stealing my shit; (b) develop/employ some kind of reliable technology that wouldn’t require me (or Jackmannii, et al.) to doff my shoes, ‘cause (i) I wear lace-up oxfords, so I always have to sit down (if I can find a fucking chair) to lace them up, and (ii) if the floor is wet (from outside precipitation), I wouldn’t be amused having to stuff wet feet into my shoes, especially my good shoes, and (c) allow me to keep the bottled (faucet) water that I always carry with me, thus obviating the need for me to pay the airport concessions’ highway robbery for bottled water.
Not holding my breath, though.
:smack:
“I’d be happy,” Li’l Pluck, “I’d be happy,” dammit!
You would if you proofread, anyway. 
:: d&r ::
In that case I’ll be the true businessman, with ‘Boardnude Air’ 
Don’t you mean if I proofread while not drinking?