Self-inflicted injuries you just missed?

Oh, innumerable times, I seem to have a charm for escaping serious pain at the last minute.

The stupidest lucky escape was when I had gone into London to see a gig and got very drunk. Afterwards getting even more slaughtered at a nearby pub, I decided it would be a good idea to climb the scaffolding on the building next door.

So up I went, some 7 or 8 stories. Then I look down and think ooooh don’t the people look really small, and decide that now would be a good time to climb back down, especially as someone had just got the round in.

Then my legs give way, (far tooooo much alcohol). So I had to climb all the way down just using my arms. Add to this the fact it had started pissing down with rain.

Finally making it to the ground safely, shaking quite a bit, and not just from the physical exertion, I go drink some more beer.

And yep, you guessed it, 15 minutes later, I was back up that scaffolding! :rolleyes:

:smiley:

Doing tech work in our college theater was basically asking for injury—most of the electrical cords could be categorized as slightly frayed, patched together, or taking-your-life-into-your-hands. When I plugged in a follow spot one day and was futzing around, I noticed that small sparks had begun spurting out of the cord. Our tech director, who was high at the time, yelled to me to pull the plug from afar, which I did. Yow! I could feel the jolt up my arm to the shoulder. There were some flames involved, but fortunately we didn’t set the theater on fire.

There’s nothing like coming within a foot of being hit by a bus to make you thank your lucky stars…

There was a crosswalk on the road that seperated our dorm from the grocery store, and the crosswalk is only 1000 feet or so down from the intersection between that road and main street. Not having realized that it would be taking our lives into our own hands, two friends and I decided to walk over to the store to buy something. We looked both ways before starting to walk across, just like good girls should. There was nothing there. We start crossing the road, three feet or so out we’re fine, right? But then, suddenly, a large bus came barrelling around the corner, going about 40 miles an hour. We were in midstep when it dawned on two of us that the driver had no intention of slowing down. So we grabbed our startled friend, who had at this point not noticed the bus, and attempted to jump back on the sidewalk. We hadn’t quite managed to get back on the sidewalk when it passed right in front of our faces. We screamed. We ought to have reported them to the trasportation department, but it was still speeding down the road and we couldn’t get the plate number. Scarily enough people had been hit on that crosswalk before that point.

I was at a track meet in high school. There were bleachers along the finish-line straightaway of the track. At the bottom row of the bleachers, which was still a couple of yards off the ground, there was a walkway with a railing. My parents and I were down there, talking, and I decided to sit on the railing. They were standing right in front of me (luckily). I began to fall backwards. There was your typical silver fencing right below, along the edge of the track (the really common fenceing - can’t think of the proper name right now) and the top of the fence was a row of jagged fence links. Had my parents not caught me, I possibly could have hit the back of my head or my neck on those links.

And speaking of dangerous work in the theatre… I very nearly launched myself into orbit once trying to lower the cherry picker. The teacher was adamant that everyone in the class learn to properly lower and raise the cherry picker. So I tried. It swung up or down from a pivot in the center. One of my cherry-picker-savvy classmates said, “Are you sure you’ve got it?”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“Okay, cause it gets kind of heavy all of a sudden.”

“Yes, it’s no prob-WHAM!” The next thing I know, I’m hanging from the bottom rung of the ladder - my feet dangling about a foot-and-a-half from the ground.

New rule for lighting class: If you don’t weigh enough to give blood (which I didn’t back then), you are exempted from lowering the @#$! cherry picker.

I hear you on that last one. Another fun theater activity is raising/lowering curtains where the weights aren’t balanced (Whee! I’m Peter Pan!)

Good workplace injuries: Working at a bagel place and was dashing back to the fridge for something when I hit a patch of cornmeal the baker had just spilled. That stuff is SLICK! My feet went straight out from under me and I slid a couple of feet on my back.

When using a box opener, do not press thumb down on sharp edge. Very bad, leads to lots of bleeding, and makes your coworkers laugh at you. I went through four band-aids before the bleeding slowed down enough to not soak through the bandage in a couple of seconds.

This is a story about the first time (and only time) i ever opened a champagne bottle.
I put the bottle on the counter and as i was hovering over it (with my head!) i started to remove the “cage” that keeps the cork in.
The moment the cage was removed the cork comes flying with amazing force. Missed my eyeball by a fraction of an inch.
I’m thankful I’m not disfigured because of my thoughtlessness.
ooo some of those storys are cringe-worthy! The vat of acid! The axe on the shin! Broken glass! The horror!!

While at a demolition derby about 20 years ago, I was talking to the promoter while an automotive aerial stunt was being performed on the track. Someone lined up 3 cars side by side and place a ramp about 50 feet away. The plan was for the guy to drive up the ramp at about 40 mph, fly through the air and land on top of the 3 cars. He drove around the track, went up the ramp and landed about 35 feet away. He slammed into the first car and pretty much wasted the front end. The track promoter moaned that the stunt cost him $500.

Being a little low in cash at the time, I told the promoter that I would do a stunt I saw on TV, stack 3 cars one on top the other, and I would come off the ramp and knock the middle car out of the stack. He said he would give me $500 if I would attempt it and if I was successful, he would give me another $500. Sounded good to me.

My father at the time owned an auto wrecking yard. I told him of my plans and that if he supplied the cars, I would split the uh, uh, $300, yeah that it, with him. He agreed and I went car shopping. On the TV show, a van was used as the middle vehicle, it was a bigger target than a regular car. There was a burned out 69 Dodge van that would work. A 67 Buick station wagon was selected as the base, and a 72 Plymouth Cricket was used for the top car. For the dive bomb car, there was a 69 AMC Rebel, had a good running V8 and frankly, was about the only driveable car in the yard.

I welded some bars into the Rebel to keep the roof from collapsing and bolted a piece of iron to the front to aid in the impact. The glass was removed from all the cars and everything was taken to the track. I also had to take the forklift from the wrecking yard to stack the cars.

Just before intermission of the evening action, it was announced I would be performing a dive bomb stunt. When the track was cleared, I stacked the cars, first the Buick, then the Dodge van and the Cricket last. The ramp was placed about 20 feet away. I went back to the pits and prepared for my stunt. Then I got nervous. What in the hell did I get myself into. I was looking at getting $1000 bucks for this, I had to do it. I came out on the track to a few cheers, took a quick hot lap then got ready. I accelerated as fast as I could on the backstretch, came around the corner and floored the car again. The engine raced but I wasn’t going any faster. The transmission had jumped out of gear. I had hoped to be going about 50 mph off the ramp but was going only about 35. For a split second it seemed like time had stopped.

Then the impact. The extra weight on the front end caused the car to nose dive. I hit at a point right between the Dodge van and the Buick. The van kicked out and the car I was in slammed to the ground on all 4 wheels. I remember seeing the van sliding off the Buick and thought I had done it. Then wham, the Plymouth Cricket landed right on top of the Rebel.

For about 2 minutes, everything was a blur. I remember someone asking if I was alright but I couldn’t answer. I was helped out of the car and taken to the ambulance. A paramedic checked me out and told me to take it easy for a little while. The track was cleared and the nights program continued. It took me an hour to get my senses back. The promoter handed me an envelope later and asked if I wanted to do it again, the fans loved it. I declined, figuring I got lucky this time. He paid me the $1000 too.

While looking over the Rebel the next day, there was a dimple the same size as my helmet on the roof of the car. The helmet had scratches from the roof. If the roof had caved in an inch or two more, it probably would have killed me.

My career as a stunt performer ended right then.

hmmmm… stupid things I’ve done that almost resulted in injury…

how much hard disk space does the straight dope have?

Here’s a somewhat minor one, but one of the more “weird coincidence” ones.

I was in college, working on robot hardware at the time. I had recently proposed to my wife (then girlfriend). I asked for an engagement-ring (hey, she gets one, why shouldn’t I ;-)… I also wanted an engagement ring because I was a senior in college, going to lots of parties, and I wanted that ring to say “un-available” for me, so I wouldn’t have to deal with the temptation at parties…

So she got her fairly standard Tiffany mount round brilliant, and I got this really cool titanium band.

anyhow, for the possible injury part…

I was changing out the blade on a Milwaukee Super-Sawzall… for those that don’t know, all you have to do is twist the collet and pull… ummm, don’t let go of the twist portion before pulling. I dragged that blade (teeth down, yes I’m that stupid) down the inside of my left hand…

as soon as I realized what I was doing I pulled my hand away, looked down, and saw a perfectly fine left hand… but my engagement ring had a very nasty gouge in it… my new engagement ring had spared atleast a couple tendons…

thankfully I had gotten engaged :wink:

oh yeah, some other good stuff happened from that married thing too. :slight_smile:

I love my wife… sooooo much good, so very minimal bad.

I hereby declare racer72 the winner!

When I was three or four, I had a rather bizarre habit of climbing out of my bedroom window in our second-story flat. I would just climb out, hold on to the windowsill with my little hands, and look inside with my little body hanging outside.

I don’t remember how many times I did it, but at some point, I should have fallen. Why I didn’t I’ll never know. I still shudder to think about it.