Semi-random music questions

Factual Questions
1

All this talk about the death of/alternatives to/rebirth of/Napster has brought back a few music questions that have been nagging me for some time.

  1. Milli Vanilli. All right, so Rob and Fab were total frauds who couldn’t sing worth a damn and shamelessly misled the public etc. etc. What I could never understand was why they were needed at all. According to The Big Book of Losers (haven’t read it in a while; sorry if I’m a little off), the record label thought the original singers weren’t attractive enough to present to the public…or something…so they brought in a couple of pretty faces. This has always struck me as absurd. Look, they’re singers. No one expects them to be beautiful. That’s not their job. And no one expects them to dance, either. (I don’t recall anyone calling Phil Collins or Madonna beautiful, and they’re hammy dancers at best.) Even if R & F were needed, why not do the logical thing and use them as attractive, sleek dancers for the music videos and live performances? Don’t other bands do this all the time?

  2. MC Hammer. I admit that I don’t know much about the politics of hip hop, but for the life of me I cannot understand why his career tanked so quickly. He was one of the few “rappers” I saw as more than a dime-a-dozen hack who couldn’t sing. He had not one but TWO big hits (yes, I consider 2 Legit 2 Quit a hit). And then, because he designed his own songs…or didn’t understand the needs of his fans…or had really bad feng shui, it all came crashing down. I understand that he wasn’t exactly a financial whiz, either, but that doesn’t explain why the money stopped rolling in.

  3. The boy band backlash. I’ve heard a lot of their stuff, and to be perfectly honest, it sounds a lot like all the other music I hear on the radio. Some say that it’s lousy music, but this is purely subjective (as is nearly everything else regarding music). The real beef, AFAIK, is that the record companies are “only catering to teen listeners”, and “the only reason they’re a success is because millions of teenagers buy their albums”. And the only reason you drink water is because otherwise you’d die of dehydration. Look, haven’t record companies always catered to their customers? Isn’t selling to the people most likely to buy just simple common sense? What’s the real story behind this inexplicable nationwide backlash?

  4. Why “retirement” is apparently a dirty word in this industry. I never hear about a singer or band simply retiring. They’re always “washed up” or “out of ideas” or “too old” or something else incredibly negative. Hey, no one called Bill Clinton or Michael Jordan (okay, he got another job, but still) washed up.

That’s it. Feel free to correct me on anything.

…huh? Oh…“Hi, Opal!”. Sheesh, you purists… :stuck_out_tongue:

2

Milli Vanilli:
I think you underestimate the fickle masses… In the age of music videos looks are EVERYTHING. Some artists can be accepted on their musical merits alone, but these are not the acts that traditionally attract the THRONGS of teenaged estrogen-crazed girls who will pay arm and leg for cd, concert ticket, or other memorabilia.

Boy-band Backlash:
I would definately agree that half the shit out there on the radio is just as useless as what Boy-band’s produce, and at least the boy-bands are pretty clear on what they’re doing. I don’t know how many times i’ve seen a group talk about their emotions and their artistic expression and then heard their song full of commercialized, trite colloquialisms and psuedo-emotions carefully designed to look authentic in front of the camera.

3

  1. Singers don’t have to be beautiful, but it sure as hell helps a lot to sell them to the public if they are. Notice how a lot of singers happen to be good-looking (or at least above average)? It’s not a coincidence. You could have a singer with the most beautiful voice ever heard, but if it belongs to an overweight, pimply, balding woman, it’s unlikely she’ll ever be popular. She’s just not marketable. I think they did this with the female singer in C&C Music Factory. The young lady in the tight black dress in the video was just lip-synching.

  2. I think a lot of the backlash has to do with the perception that “male vocal groups” (I hear they prefer this term over “boy bands” :rolleyes: ) are manufactured and formulaic. The members were recruited by some exec, a la New Edition and NKOTB, and each member fits a certain image: there’s the bad boy, the quiet/young one, and then there’s one or two who are the “real” singers. I’m guessing here, but I think the feeling is if they hadn’t been picked and primed for stardom by people already in the business, they never would have achieved any kind of success on their own.

  3. As the alternative is calling it quits while still popular (something few groups and singers would do), the reason musicians retire probably really is that they’re too old or washed up.

4

Yeah, but those Spice Girls… now THAT’S talent

In addition to my previous post, I think a decent ammount of the anger directed toward these “groups” stems from jealousy. I mean… any of those guys could get pretty much any chick, and that doesn’t help out yours truly a whole heap.

Well, you could always pull a Cobain…hehe…BOOM

5

It’s about ability and talent, and you do not need to have pretty features for those.

The tragedy is that some of the greatest talents of the past would never have had a chance to enrich our lives had they been just starting out on their careers today, simply because they are not pretty enough.

So now we have pretty people and second rate music that has nothing to say, breaks no new ground and is ever more just a disposable consumer product whose shelf life is hardly any greater than the perishable goods in the supermarket.

As for young boy/girl bands, the ability to write and perform music is a learned thing, there are few short cuts it is hard work and having a few of lifes experiences thrown into the pot gives it sustnace and flavour. The childish kiddie groups are so bland but it is not surprising as they have not had the chance to ‘pay their dues’ on the road learning about the ups and downs of life.
They are just so one-dimensional.

If you think about the great bands and artists from the Stones to the 4 Tops, Carole King to Paul Simon the thing they could all do was whole range of material but all the likes of Boyzone et al are capable of is boy meets girl or boy breaks up with girl and that’s it.

6

It’s not just music, it’s marketing, and that is what drives the business more than anything else.

For the most part it’s not the creative members of the biz making the creative decisions, it’s the suits in accounting and marketing and etc., they call the shots.

And it’s probably been ever thus. I’ve heard of at least one case out of the 50s where a singer was a great success on recordings but when he finally met his adoring public they found his face did not match his voice and that was pretty much the end of his career. Look up “Bullmoose Jackson” sometime.

For an artist seeking mainstream success, it’s not enough to simply be talented (though that sure helps); you must have a whole skillset going on, including, where appropriate, some vocal talent, dancing skills and more than a passably pretty face and body. (Guys can get by if they’re “rugged” but ugly women need not apply.) And this is true not only in rock or r&b but also in jazz and classical music; look at, say, Diana Krall, poster girl of the moment and all those cute little soloists in low cut dresses appearing with your local symphony. This includes girl groups like the Eroica Trio.

And if you want to blame anyone for this, well, look at what’s selling CDs; the money men are just following the public’s direction in this. “Do what works” is their mantra and as long as people will willingly buy crap, they’ll cheefully package and sell it to you. Want better? Support local artists and look beyond the top ten lists and the video channels for what other people may have to offer you and encourage the music and the people that move you.

your humble TubaDiva

7

**2. MC Hammer. I admit that I don’t know much about the politics of hip hop, but for the life of me I cannot understand why his career tanked so quickly. **

IIRC, the problem was that Hammer started out being perceived as a decent, religious kind of guy. Remember that song “Pray”? Then he jumped on the Gangsta Rap bandwagon and changed his look, trying to have a harder image (he also signed on with Death Row Records). He lost a lot of his core following and was perceived as “not too legit” by the very audience that he was trying to attract. Once he realized his blunder, it was too late to go back (even though he tried). He was also branded as a “sellout” when he started doing commercials. Some pretty bad marketing decisions can be blamed for his career demise.

8

Do you mean to say that that Big Ten Inch Record of the Band That Plays the Blues turned out to be a microcassette?

The Cult of the Pretty has moved out of pop music and into all sorts of areas where one finds it hard to believe it can gain a foothold. A fat guy like Ithzak Perlman would have a difficult time up against the Joshua Bells of today…and that “Eroica Trio” thing is just weird, it’s so shameless. Why didn’t their manager just call them the “Hot Pants Classical Gals” and make them perform in bikinis?

About 80% of the book projects raised in the editorial meetings of NY publishing houses are pitched by young editors who wrap up their presentations with “And the writer is really, REALLY cute (leer)! So when we bring out LATVIAN IMMIGRANT HOME LARD-RENDERING in hardcover, we should put her on the cover in a bikini!”

Violin-playing and book-writing: two former career strongholds of the Ugly, now being taken over by the Cute. I forsee that within the next fifty years, unattractive people will be forced to choose between being garbagemen and joining the Army.

9

Okay, I understand the Milli Vanilli situation better now. Still find it strange…I mean, look at any number of famous singers. Phil Collins’ look is straight out of suburbia. So is Eric Clapton’s. Madonna tries real hard to be glamorous, but I’ve never heard her called beautiful. Elton John is just gay (actually, he’s literally gay, but you get the idea). Bruce Springsteen is as earthy as they come. Celine Dion could practically pass for a basketball player. Cher not only has a funny body shape, most of her outfits look like they were designed by a mental ward patient. And this doesn’t even include any number of hard rock/metal singers, most of which could charitably be described as…er, unkempt. Singers should certainly be presentable, just like anyone else in the public eye, but I’d hardly consider cuteness a requisite. (Okay, George Michael was sexy, but that hardly overshadowed his singing ability.)

TubaDiva - Funny you should mention dancing skills…from what I’ve seen, most of them couldn’t dance for a strip club (sorry, sorry, only thing I could think of). Collins even made a little in-joke about this at the end of the I Can’t Dance video. I just don’t think singing and dancing should go together, and the videos do nothing to change that opinion. (Natalie Imbruglia looks almost drunk in the Torn video, and I’ve seen 3rd grade ballerinas with more grace than Britney Spears.) Paula Abdul was a good dancer (and benefited from excellent choreography), but I seriously doubt she even tried to sing at the same time.

O-man - Ah, I see. Sheesh. I’d never have pegged MC Hammer as the Ian Baker-Finch of hip hop, someone who hit it big early in his career and for some reason couldn’t just ride the wave. After the success of U Can’t Touch This, he reached a level of mainstream popularity that no rapper had ever achieved before…why was he not happy with this?? Why venture into completely foreign territory with little to gain and almost no chance at success? Huh…people are funny, I tell you.

Ukulele Ike - Sheesh, not even old people music is immune? I’ll look up Eroica Trio…how do you pronounce that, anyway?..and Diana Krall the next time I’m at Tower Records. It’s really galling; you’d think this would be one genre where the only beauty that mattered was that of the music.

And writers? WRITERS?? (Steven King, James Michener, Dave Barry, Tom Clancy, J.K. Rowling…) It’s a weird world we live in.

10

Another couple old examples:

Charley Pride - he was marketed VERY carefully. They realized that a lot of the CW audience in the 60’s was never going to accept a new black performer, no matter how well he sang through his nose in traditional “Grand Ole Opry” style. What they did was let him build up a couple hits on the country billboard, released his first album with no picture, and had him established by the time they sprang on his audiences that he was, in fact, black. Many of his early fans found out only when he started touring and they saw him live.

The Archies - a bubblegum band of the late sixties which managed a hit or two (“Bang Shang-a-lang”, IIRC). The albums did not show their photos, instead showing drawings based on the “Archie” comic strip. Supposedly, the band was actually a middle-aged singing group who decided to cash in on the bubblegum phenomenon. I cannot positively verify the truth of that statement. The urban legend circulated that it was actually “The Four Sportsmen” from the old Jack Benny Show, which I’m pretty sure is false.

11

Don’t know about that - The Archies’ lead singer doesn’t look that middle-aged. And that song you’re desperately trying not to remember is “Sugar Sugar” :p.

(Disclaimer: I don’t know Ron Dante and am certainly not related to him, any more closely than I am related to Queen Elizabeth.)