To those of you “of a certain age” - let’s say over 60. In general, how do you feel you are viewed by those around you: family, neighbors, co-workers, whomever? And younger folk - how do you view older folk?
Me, I feel mostly invisible. I don’t consider myself some brilliant resource to be sought out, but I do have SOME life experience which I’d be happy to share. Hell, I’ve made plenty of mistakes tht I’d be happy to help younger folk avoid. ;). When I was younger, I welcomed being able to ask older folk of their experiences growing their families, establishing careers, buying/selling/maintaining houses… As the husband of a niece told us recently, “We don’t need to ask you - we have YouTube!”
And I’d welcome friendly social interactions with folk younger than I. When we were in our 20s-30s, we had several friends who were 10-20-30 years older. Now, our youngest friend is one person in her late 40s. Other than that - mid- to late 50s. I really enjoy extended family gatherings because I get to interact somewhat intimately with folk in their 30s and 40s.
I still welcome getting info from folk older than me - say about my pending retirement, applying for Medicare, assisted living options… A couple of weeks ago I realized 2 of the guys I golf with are 72 and 82 and were born and raised in Miss. and Fla. So I enjoyed asking them what that was like.
I’m not at all suggesting I am upset about not being sought out for my sage wisdom. More like surprised. I assume older folk have always felt somewhat similarly. In many ways, being invisible is freeing. I can do pretty much whatever I want, and no one cares or will even notice.
I readily admit that my disinterest in modern tech likely accelerates my irrelevance. As well as my disinterest in much modern “culture.” But - again, I imagine many prior generations felt similarly.
This, mostly. I was reluctant to retire because I liked my work and the connections it brought me, but I’m finding it utterly blissful to be irrelevant to all but my grandchildren.
68 here, and 2 years retired. Being invisible is freeing, yes. I’ve always been somewhat mild mannered and non-threatening but I think age is making me more so.
I have the subjective feeling that I asked more questions seeking wisdom when I was young than I receive now that I’m older.
One interesting note: people are reluctant to say or suggest that I am older, and they’re apologetic about it, as if it’s an insult or as if I didn’t know.
I feel like a valued customer: my money’s good, I’m polite and don’t make a mess, and I show up when business is slow rather than piling onto the rush hour.
I’m 66, my daughters still call me for advice on a lot of things and ask me to go with them when buying a car. I also do repairs and stuff for them. Old friends from high school and college still call me for second opinion type stuff on dental situations. All in all even though I retired last year I still feel useful.
As am I. On random good days also one of my children, because I’m pretty darn handy at taking care of those grandchildren. I think my cat cares-who else is going to bring home her kibbles? I have two immigrant/refugee literacy learners whom I seem to matter to, at least for the time being.
The greater world could not care less about my purported hard won wisdom. Since I’m a woman that has often been the case, so not that big of a change.
I feel happily free to be whoever / whatever I want. I miss mentoring at work, and I do miss having frequent interactions with 20-40 somethings.
If I’m honest though, many of those interactions were pretty lite. Such that my frequent interactions with familiar waitstaff at familiar haunts now are not much different. Their cat pictures are just as cute as coworkers’ cat pictures were.
Practically speaking I haven’t had family beyond a spouse in decades, so that hasn’t changed except for substituting full-time spouse for part-time GF.
I do notice that many of my IRL friends are my age and most are significantly older attitudinally than I am. The ones 10-20 years younger than I are the ones I fit in with. For now; I know my time as a geezer is coming.
My coworkers seem to adore me and continually try to dissuade me from retiring. The youngest one I supervise is 25 and he just thinks I am a “hoot”. He’s a great worker and an interesting young man.
I am sure I do things that aggravate them but that’s to be expected.
My family members seem to love me. I only have extended family members now (cousins) but there are around 10 or so who are more like brothers and sisters. We are always planning outings and visits and they text me frequently.
My friends are almost all gone now but the ones I have keep in touch regularly. We enjoy communicating and getting together wherever possible. I even have one who still writes to me with hand written letters and encloses magazine clippings!
I’ve also become reacquainted with some friends from many years ago which is interesting/fun.
Amazingly I have made a few new friends over the past several years although they are a bit distant from where I live. That is a work in progress.
I have a natural sense of humor that often reflects the absurdity of life and try to keep it targeted to whoever I am with. I also have a unique situational awareness or lack thereof which propels me into some hilarious predicaments at times.
My raison d’etre is to keep the laugheter flowing whichever appropriate and I think most people enjoy that.
I’m periodically surprised and disappointed when my kids do not speak with us when they are contemplating certain things - like buying/selling a house. Not so much asking advice, but moreso just seeking our experiences, so they can use those to make their own best decisions. Instead, more than once they go ahead and make easily avoidable missteps that cause them stress. THEN, you know they call us!
Yeah, we were/are imperfect in countless ways. But we have owned several homes which we maintained well, we managed to raise 3 independent and self sufficient kids, and we are about to retire in pretty decent financial and physical health. So we apparently did SOMETHING right. Plus, whether they agree with us on anything in particular, at least they know where we are coming from - as opposed to someone anonymous on-line.
I think we really noticed it in our neighborhood. We moved here 13 years ago, and many of the houses have turned over since then, now owned by young families with small children. No, I do not expect my neighbors to seek us out for advice. But it is pretty clear how absolutely invisible we are to them. Not necessarily good or bad. Just how we perceive being perceived.
Like many have said - freeing, but also further evidence that we are definitely on the downslope.
I’m more than half way through my 40s, and while I am not an ‘elder’ yet, I am definitely on the outside of youth and young adult culture and community.
I participate actively in some community activities that are multi-generational with a bulk of participants in their 20s-30s. I remember getting involved in my early 20s, and I am now the age of the adults I looked up to at that time. I admit that I don’t feel as valued as I imagine I valued the next generation when I got started.
I see myself as a cackling oldster, clinging obstinately to power, influence, and a house that clearly is too big for me and should go to a deserving Gen Z family. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
My work as a software engineer was often quite interesting but I never defined myself by my job.
Now I’m retired I have plenty of interests and activities to keep me occupied.
I’m fortunate to be happily married, financially secure and (fingers crossed) in good health, so not ‘old and in the way’. We have a good relationship with our children and frequently discuss all sorts of topics with them.
As for being a valued elder… I never aspired to be a guru (apart from a UNIX guru… remember those?) anyway…
I’m 72 and I basically retired in my early 60s. I maintained a relationship with my former employer so I could teach a few licensing classes for butter and eggs money. On top of this, I am an incredibly lazy person. (Teaching classes works for me because I do a little prep, teach 8 hours on a subject and with materials I either wrote or know by heart, and collect a very nice check.)
I now have the exact opposite problem from what I had expected. People are writing and calling all the time wanting private classes. The national professional organization I belong to asked me to serve on a committee to write and revise national standards. (In fact, I’m flying to Salt Lake City for a committee meeting this coming Sunday.) I get consultation requests from attorneys and engineers on a regular basis to be an expert witness. (I have to give a deposition in two days.) I get referred by one of my state’s licensing boards at least a couple times a month.
In short, I THOUGHT that I would be forgotten and left to basically putter around. Not the case. And in addition to being lazy, I’m a pretty nice guy who has a hard time turning down earnest requests. It’s not what I expected.
I’m in my sixties and semi-retired. That is, i retired, but I’m currently working a temporary part-time gig.
I find that i do seen to have transitioned to “respected elder”. My experience is valued at the part time job, and at the volunteer work i do for my professional organization. (The casualty actuarial society) I also hang out with younger people, both in person and online, and they respect my opinions and especially my longer perspective. I’m concerned that my younger friends will lose interest in me as i become less physically fit–they are mostly dance friends, and i think it’s important to our relationship that i am still fun to dance with. But for now, no complaints.
71 years old, and fading away. My daughter and her husband pay attention to me sometimes, but without my wife (and the Dope), I’d have no one to talk to at all. My hearing is poor, even with hearing aids, and my sight is slowly going. But I don’t hurt, and have no trouble walking, so I’ve got that going for me.
I’m 62 and I’ve always felt elder advice is overvalued so I feel no offense if a younger person looks at the state of the world and decides they know better than the morons who got us here. My wife and I are fairly successful entrepreneurs and we have both mentored young business people but changing society and most of all technology makes our advice less and less valuable as the years pass.
