Tennesee Ben, just give the waitron two credit cards and ask him to split the check evenly. Or do what’s been suggested and alternate who’s paying. Even in a small town in the South, it shouldn’t raise too many eyebrows when a lady pays the check. Often the waitrons don’t even notice - or at least they bring the little tray back to the man when they leave it at the table. After he leaves, you can pass it to your girlfriend to sign and none will be the wiser.
Three points:
-
It’s strange to hear a lot of you say that you’re never offered the option of separate checks, since it’s very common here, dives to five stars. I s’pose that what I expect is tempered by what I’ve always gotten, and if I were in your necks of the woods I wouldn’t complain. Fair enough?
-
The point, for missbunny et al., is that I want neither separate checks nor one check as the “default.” I just want to be asked. Yeah, maybe it puts the burden on you the waitress instead of me the customer. Tough. If that really gets your panties in a twist, then maybe the service industry ain’t for you.
-
Goddammit, this has nothing to do with me being cheap–Reread the part of the OP that saw me spending myself into pauperdom. I’ve given y’all plenty of material to take potshots at, so at least try to confine yourselves to that.
Oh, and thanks, ENugent and Grizz. Fine options both.
Manda JO: I appreciate your, umm, support. 
It’s not a question of courage or honesty, though. It’s just a question of, well, something like taste or propriety. To me, it falls into the same category as going to a party and then yelling from the bathroom for more toilet paper. 
I encounter just the opposite problem. When my partner and I dine out, we are always asked if we want separate checks. Always. In fact it just happened an hour or so ago at the restaurant we dined in tonight.
Because we are two men (yes we are a gay couple), the waitstaff always asks if we want separate checks. But it ain’t that big a deal for us to say that one check is OK.
You mean you’ve had the ‘going dutch’ conversation and she agreed and when the check comes she doesn’t even offer? Have you paid the full amount after the conversation and she never offered? Hmmmmmm…can anyone say Warning Sign?!
Am I the only one here who, whenever someone uses the term “waitron,” pictures Robbie the Robot waiting tables?
Wow, you guys are being kinda harsh on Ben here. I think he explained pretty well why he was asking for separate checks.
Where I live, you’re never asked for separate checks. I would be shocked if I were asked that. Not insulted, just shocked.
A warning sign of what, dipshit? Care to elaborate?
You fool. You jerk. You pompous, ignorant bastard. It’s not your place to make uninvited judgments about a stranger’s loved ones. Don’t take that liberty.
I haven’t posted much here and mainly post on one other BB. I haven’t been doing this very long but I have learned 2 large things:
-
Most people post but do not listen or respond to other posts. It ends up being a ‘me too’ thread. The one thing I like about this BB is that there is more dialog.
-
The other thing I’ve learned is that I have a tendency to really piss people off. I always thought I was an easy-going guy and don’t think I piss people off in person but after posting on BB I’m not so sure. I have said some of what I thought were trivial things and get people very upset and let me know it. This has caused me to rethink how I act in person. I know lessons from BB conversation should not be taken too seriously but I do feel that there is a lesson for me here.
Tennessee Ben, the remark I made was not ‘trivial’ and I see that it was insulting. I heartily apoligize and agree it was uncalled for. The only consolation I have for you is that I know I can be insulting and am working on cutting that shit out.
Blink
Yeah, 'cause you’re all a bunch of cheap-ass lawyers - god forbid you spend a penny more than you have to!
[sub]gd&r![/sub]
Esprix
BD, thanks for the apology. My nerves were a little raw, I overreacted, and I hope you’ll forgive me. We both kinda showed our newbie asses, huh?
Ooooh…boohoo…poor baby, you can’t get asked if you want separate checks…oh my god…the sky is falling…
Bite my arse.
TB, You sound like a very sweet guy. Really.
However, if asking a server to split the check is beyond what you are comfy with, you need to grow a spine. If your girl loves you and understands your situation, she’ll be fine with it. Its something you are going to just have to find a way out of, and blaming the server isn’t going to do it.
They aren’t mind readers. The good ones figure out when you need a drink re-fill, but you can’t expect much more than accuracy and service from them. Mind reading about the details of your private and financial concerns are not in their job description.
Just chill. Relax. You’re smooth, together, and the swiftest guy on the block.
“Oh, and can we have seperate checks, please?”
If it’s really that hard for you to get separate checks, you could always try long-term splitting, like my gf and I do. One of us pays this time, the other pays next time (or one pays for dinner and the other pays for dessert and video rental afterward). The restaurants we go to tend to be in the same price range, so it comes out more or less even, and I’m not about to get my boxers wadded over a few dollars.
Instead of beating your head against the brick wall, try finding a way around it.
–sublight.
Ben - I’m not clear from your post, but are you and your GF presently in the South? If so, that may be part of the problem. If a waitress asked that question of some couples, the man would take it as an affront to his manhood and an assault on chivalry itself. So the waitress or waiter is in as awkward a position as you. I think Manda JO had the best advice:
Plus, um, what Medea’s Child said while I was previewing.
And Blinking Duck: Way to step up to the plate and be a mensch! We like that here.
What about those of us who don’t want to be asked?
You really need to listen to the advice you are being given in this thread. Either split the bill after it arrives (yes, you can use plastic), ask for separate checks, or take turns treating.
Obviously, stewing about a waitress not asking is not accomplishing anything, is it? Criminy! Unless you can send ESP signals to every waitress that helps you from now on, it is in your control as to what happens.
Or you can just continue to whine about it.
Ok, i am confused. Are you more embarressed about the public discussion of money or the private? Is it your girlfriend you can’t talk about money with or the waiter? If it is the waiter, do what I suggested and have your girlfriend ask for seperate checks. This shows that it is her idea and that all is cool. If you can’t talk to your girlfriend about this even enough to ask her to ask for seperate checks . . .geezzzz. Maybe you should marry her so that it will all be y’all’s money and you don’t have to worry about it.
Ben,
My husband and I always split the check. Even before we were married, if he wanted to pay with a credit card, we did one of three things: (1) He paid with the card and I gave him my half in cash on the spot, or (2) He paid and I gave him my half as soon as I got the amount in cash, or (3) He paid and when his credit card bill came, he would ask for my half. I only pay with a credit card when I’m taking him out to an expensive restaurant for an occassion.
If you don’t get 2 checks and you want to avoid all of previously-mentioned problems, you can try all of the above. You can, of course, have her pay with her credit card and then reimburse her later. All this assumes that you both trust each other enough to pay the amount you owe at a later date. Try it.
I just have to say that the waitstaff giving the bil directly to the man–always assuming he is the one paying–pisses me off way more than the single or separate checks incident.
No!
Ben, I think that you have to understand that waitstaff are constantly bombarded with people bitching about completely opposite things:
“I wanted my dressing on the side!”
“I hate it when the dressing is on the side, you never give me enough!”
“This steak is too rare.”
“This steak is overdone.”
“This coffee is cold.”
“This coffee is too hot.”
Ad nauseum. It’s awful.
Now picture you and your ladyfriend, still in the lovey-dovey-kissy-gropey part of your relationship. They assume you want one check because you’re older than high-schoolers and obviously a couple.
They assume because they want to avoid “WTF? Are you stupid? We’re on a date!” “Can you believe how stupid that waitress was?”
You should really ask for separate checks, BEFORE ordering anything, if it bothers you so much.
I say BEFORE ordering because most systems require you to create separate checks from the getgo, asking for them at the end of the meal would require a voided check and the creation of new ones.
That is also the reason most waitstaff don’t like doing separate checks. It’s much easier to do one check, because the creation of more (say with a group of six coworkers at lunch) requires more time in an industry where success is often measured by how fast your food gets out.
Not to mention that the people in the kitchen hate them (and bitch at the servers about it) because it requires them to find all the tickets that came in (one for each check) for that table (more time) and coordinate them. Yes, I know that it’s part of their job but when you have a rush going every second counts.
Bartenders hate them too. Why? They make drinks as the tickets come in. You just entered six different drinks from the one terminal that you happened to be at. People are entering other drink orders at other terminals. He gets the first three of your tickets in a row, then one from another server that has six drinks on the one ticket.
You come up expecting all your drinks to be deliverable to find three ice cream drinks melting while he’s working on six other drinks. This pisses you off. You piss him off. The customers are pissed at you because they can’t get all their drinks at the same time, because you sacrificed speed for quality. Separate checks are a logistical nightmare.
I realize that this situation doesn’t apply to you and your GF, but it helps explain the mentality behind the server’s actions…I hope.
Hi Ben, and I hope someone has said welcome to you at some time. Hope you stick around because your contributions are good so far - certainly I’ve never started a thread that got this kind of interest and response.
As well, you and BlinkingDuck (welcome to you too mate!) show a GOOD ATTITUDE in that you know how to make a genuine dignified apology - good on ya!
You’ll recall that the Duckperson (should that be Duckron?) said
However, he didn’t mention the stupid things people contribute because of their pathetically inept sense of humour.
In that spirit, can I suggest you try taking the waiter aside and saying “I’ve only just met this chick, and I’m not sure if she’s going to come across tonight, so better give us separate checks please”.
You will find you get an unusually distinguished level of service, as every waiter in the place will come to the table at some point in the evening, to adjust the position of the salt shakers, or straighten a fork. People may even poke their heads around the kitchen door to peer at you.
They will certainly remember to give you separate checks, but you can only do it once at any given restaurant.
Redboos