Ya know, TB, I can’t help thinking that if you dine out so often that the expense is a problem, then maybe you’re just dining out too often.
When my ex and I first started dating, niether of us had much money so restaurants were saved for special occasions. A lot of times we would just grab a blanket, hit the deli for a bottle of wine and some kielbasa and find some secluded spot by a river or on a hill to eat, watch the sun go down and make love till the mosquitos drove us away. I guess I’m showing my age here and it really sounds boring as hell, but when I look back, those were some of the best times of my life.
I’ve lived in the South for almost 18 years (28 if you count Oklahoma as part of ‘The South’) and I have NEVER seen a waitperson ask a party of two if they want separate checks. Even with larger parties it’s rare, I think I can think of one instance where they asked, where it was a party of several couples. Are you new to dining out, Ben? There are countless reasons why they wouldn’t want to ask you that, and no reason why you can’t mention you want it on separate checks when ordering.
This happens to me all the time, especially when the lady is taking me out. It’s either sexism or I look like I make a lot of dough.
I had a vision of Hastur hopping in his time machine and visiting restaurants of the future ala Woody Allen in ‘Sleeper’. So no, you’re not the only one.
Ben - how worried are you about the bill being split “correctly”? Cos if not, simply put both credit cards in the little bill folder thingie and say “half on each please”.
As it happens, the kabbess and I tend to pay alternately instead, but when I go out in a big group, this is essentially what we do.
I’ve a little advice for duck on the whole BB thing - never forget that the words you see on the screen come from real people who are talking about their actual lives. It’s all too tempting to see it as a soap opera or novel and make judgements and pronouncements accordingly, but never forget that life is always more complicated than that. When you write something, read it back and question how you’d recieve that same piece of advice. Trust me, it does wonders.
I once read the following, which made me realise the above and subsequently tailor my netiquette accordingly:
I find the separate checks thing to be a little impersonal. Kind of like we are eating at the same table, but not eating ‘together’. On a date, I would NEVER get separate checks, splitting the bill is ok, but separate checks just doesn’t feel right.
Generally, among friends, we just split the check evenly, if someone had a big, expensive meal, they offer to add a few extra $$ to cover it. It can be a bit difficult with a large group, but with a couple, it’s a piece of cake.
Hmmmm. I never anticipated that this would cause such a firestorm. I suppose I’ll just cowboy up, take some of your check-splitting advice, and live with it. I still think the one-bill presumption is unwarranted, though, as evidenced by the myriad ways that Dopers have come up with to get around it, but oh well.
For all of you who have managed to slip relationship advice and little sideways insults about how spineless I am or how shallow my relationship must be into this thread, thanks for nothing. As I tried to point out earlier, this has nothing to do with how open, honest, or courageous the GF (the Tennlette? Ick.) and I are with each other. I just think that talking about money–with anybody, GF or not–is distasteful. As far as I’m concerned, it’s equivalent to talking about the frequency of my bowel movements with her; I certainly could, but it seems a little crass to do it any more often than absolutely necessary. Hey, your relationships have their quirks, so does mine.
Also, once again, this is not about being cheap, or unwise to the ways of the world; no, Badtz, I’m not “new to dining out.” :rolleyes: Perhaps the fact that I live in a college town–where essentially everybody is broke and the waitstaffs know it–has spoiled me. I genuinely believe those of you who say that you’ve never been offered separate checks. I hope that you’ll extend me the same credibility when I say that I almost always am.
Thanks much to those who welcomed me, especially Redboss.
Well, I’m through banging my head against this wall for now. I’m sure I’ll be back soon, though.
Just out of curiosity, when you say that you are banging your head against the wall are you referring to the fact that you haven’t convinced any of us that your waitress is a bitch for not asking you if you would like two checks?
Jesus Christ, Diane. I get the idea that you don’t agree with me. I’ve agreed to stop bitching about it. I’ve also agreed to take your advice. Can you leave me with any semblance of dignity, or am I just too stupid to live?
Sheesh, calm down and take a deep breath. I was only asking you to clarify your statement (which you still have not done), not asking you to cut off your right nut.
Well, basically, you’re right (although I’m pretty sure I never called anybody a bitch). I was trying to say that I’d been licked and to concede graciously.
Er, Diane, remember what Manda JO was trying to tell you a few weeks ago about not arguing in such a way that your opposite number is forced to make themselves appear a schmuck just to come on board with your views? Well I think you’ve just provided an example to yourself of what she was talking about. When a guy’s conceded the point and declared a willingness to back off, that is not a good time to go for the jugular and hold on.
Ten Ben, don’t worry - not all of us got the impression that you think all waitresses that provide you with a single bill are a “bitch”. Good luck with your future engagements with the serving staff.
You know you could always just pay for it and have your girlfriend toss you the approximate amount for the check later that day. That is how we do family things if my dad ends up having to pay for me or something.
Having mostly lurked here for about a year, this was my first time being ass-deep in a thread. I’ve got to say that I really enjoyed it. Even though I got railed on some (maybe–heck, probably–deservedly), I’ve enjoyed having the Dopers wrap their brains around my peeve. I’ve come to have the utmost respect for this community, weirdnesses and all, and I hope to make a (more) meaningful contribution in the future.
And anybody who disagreed with me can kiss my big old Irish butt.
Yeah I do remember, but - and I don’t mean this argumentatively - sometimes I’m gooey sweet, other times I am a smartass, other times I’m an admitted bitch, sometimes I am a snot, and still other times (as in my reply to Tenn) I sincerely want an answer otherwise I wouldn’t have asked the question. I am a sweetheart smartassed bitch (among other things), depending on my mood, both in real life and since my very first post to a message board 6 years ago. Some people love me, some don’t notice me, and a few get their panties in a twist. Those who know me personally know that my bark is a hell of a lot worse than my bite and know the great person I really am, and that’s what matters.
Although I try to be careful and rein it in when it isn’t appropriate, I am not going to change the way I am just because it may offend or piss someone off or even make someone not like me. I’m a big girl, I can handle it. Really.
That’s fair enough Diane. And if you know that people are sometimes going to be upset by your words and you’re happy with that, then that’s your privelege.
It does rather strike me however that with that decision you’ve lost the moral right to complain if other people say things that upset you.
But since you’ve now clarified your position, I shan’t bother you with such things again.
Sorry, but noooooooo. I really don’t know where you came to that conclusion. I didn’t lose the moral right to anything, especially the right to voice my opinion. I also don’t recall telling anyone that they have no right to complain or contest anything I might happen to say.
I certainly hope that others feel that they can be themselves on this board, just as I do. But they should be willing to accept the reactions they may receive, just as I am. If I disagree with their reaction, then I’ll make those feelings known. If someone disagrees with anything I say or do, they have every right to voice those opinions as well.
See the thing is, is that we all have opinions, feelings, and attitudes. If I, or anyone else here, isn’t willing to accept the backlash of something they post, they should seriously consider hitting that “Reply” button.
