I am so very sorry. May her memory bring you peace and joy, someday soon.
Please accept our deepest condolences. I hope better memories of your dear daughter help your family through the hard times.
So very sorry for your loss. Friends who lost a child some years ago say that this organization, which focuses on families who have lost children, helped them to work through their grief:
I am so very sorry, my condolences to you and to all who loved her
I’m really, really sorry to hear this. You and your family are in our thoughts.
Coming back to add that we had a very nice memorial and final viewing for Serena yesterday. There were about 20 staff and teachers from Serena’s 6-12th grade school, ~10 colleagues, former therapists, family friends, etc. I simply asked for people to share their favorite Serena stories, and they did. Her piano teacher led Amazing Grace and a short prayer.
My immediate family and big brother went to the cremation. A Chinese buddhist monk and nun did a final rites ceremony. I kissed Serena’s forehead, said our goodnight ritual “good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite” closed the coffin lid and then watched her being put into the cremation. The Buddhists greased the skids into the afterlife, and then comforted my wife to not be sad and find solace in Amitaba Buddha as needed.
I discovered there is a finality that comes with cremation or lowering the casket into a grave and the first shovel of soil on top. No miracles or Hollywood endings when in the end there is just ashes or dust.
I have arranged the 49th day Buddhist traditional rites. I believe all the buddhist traditions share the Tibetan Book of the Dead and Bardo Thodol general practices. The Buddhists believe that the 49th day (or thereabouts) is when the soul reincarnates or goes to Nirvana. Like many religions, they share going to the light. It is also the traditional end of mourning period, and time when one can start to remove the mourning shrine or box up belongings or whatever.
Seattle is the home to the Sakya Lineage of Tibetan Buddhism. It gave me great peace and comfort to go spin the prayer wheels, recite the mantras, and talk with Lama’s from the area of Tibet than I spent a lot of time in during the late 1980’s. So, there will be an Elaborate Dedication of Merit with Samantabhadra Prayer at the end of February for Serena.
RIP
I’m glad that you’re finding comfort in ritual. Having the proper rituals for the individuals and groups involved is part of what holds both individuals and groups together.
I’m so sorry for your loss China Guy, such terribly bad news. You and your family are in my thoughts.
It’s the first anniversary of Serena’s tragic passing. I went by the combined middle/high school she attended for almost 7 very productive, happy years as part of the community. Serena started the garden club her senior year, funding as approved after she passed, her fellow gardeners stepped up and built the garden when the modest school district funding came through. We did a memorial maybe nine months ago, buried some ashes and placed a sign saying Serena’s Garden. Serena’s favorite color is pink, so I brought 12 pink roses to place on the “Serena’s Garden” sign today. I recited a couple of our favorite nursery rhymes and sang some of her favorite kid songs.
Serena is missed not only by her family, but also by the staff and students at the Bellevue School District International School, which she attended from 6-12 grade.
My deepest condolences.
Thank you for sharing this update, i hope you have peace in the year ahead. I don’t imagine the pain or feeling of loss ever goes away, but i do hope there’s peace for you and her loved ones.
Another beautiful tribute. RIP
I never had kids and sometimes I wish I had. But then I’d risk the pain of losing them. China Guy, again I am so sorry for your loss. I hope twin A is doing well enough, and your wife. I’ll include you all in evening prayer, and it sounds like the memorials set up were beautiful.
Oh my God! There are no words that can convey how sorry I am for the loss of your beloved daughter and the state of your shattered heart! I can only pray and hope that you somehow get through this excruciating pain. 