Okay, everyone ready your flamethrowers, you’re about to hate me.
A list of things I didn’t like about this movie:
Wash getting killed. It was cheap. It didn’t heighten the tension for me, it lessened it. If anyone can die at any time, I’d better not get too attached. And I was very attached to Wash.
Book getting killed. Now we’ll never find out his story. Bah. It was also pointless, and as has been pointed out, it was cheesy to have the “everybody dead except the important character who gets to make a speech.”
Inara’s bow and arrow. WTF? In the series she uses a slim, elegant laser pistol, which suits her. The bow and arrow was just weird. Was that designed to sell toys or something? I guess the bow and arrow was amongst her box of stuff she’d left on the ship, but…it’s just weird. Hand the woman a gun; she knows how to use one.
The bad guy decided to let them live, and help them get Serenity repaired. Why? He was a remorseless stone-cold killer. And suddenly he develops a heart? That’s just bad writing.
Err, not really…it just showed that they needed to do a little more testing on the chemicals. The dream was still perfectly valid.
The sound in space. That was disappointing.
The weird electrical cloud thing…what the heck was that supposed to be? Very Star Trek.
SuperRiver. SO ANNOYING! Ugh. Now she can shoot with her eyes closed, read minds, possibly kill people with her brain, do martial arts, and pilot the ship. Aside from having her beat up the reavers at the end (which I didn’t like either) there was no real reason for her to be a martial arts expert.
River’s extraction from the lab being re-written. I understand that it made for nice quick exposition, but it also changed Simon’s character; rather than being a non-heroic guy who’d paid a lot of money to get someone else to get River out, (remember the pilot episode?) suddenly he’s a dashing hero who’s also a cunning master of disguise. Remember how good he was at that in Jayne’s Town? Pretty appalling at it. I guess he forgot how.
Mal. He was all over the place. His character seemed right when he went to save Inara; it showed him being clever, loyal, cocky, and ruthless when he shot the assassin. But much of the rest of the time, it didn’t feel like the character was the same one I’d grown to love from the series.
Jayne getting beat up by a 110 lb. girl. Unlike Wash, I’m already tired of hearing about it. It smacked of Star Trek, where every bad guy had to beat up Worf to show how badass the bad guy was…but in reality it just made Worf look like a loser. Same effect here.
Rather than getting Firefly on steroids, I felt like we got Firefly watered down. Where was the characteristic music? What about the funky cowboy talk? And the ship interior seemed spruced up to make everything sleeker and cleaner, despite the show supposedly being about life on the fringes, where everything’s not neat and tidy. It felt in a lot of ways like it had been sanitized for a mainstream audience.
Mr. Universe…such a blatant plot device.
The hologram lady said that everyone stopped going to work. But, uh, what about all those people who were dead at what looked like a place of employ? And how exactly were they preserved by being sealed in? Even if the room was sterile, the people would still have intestinal fauna that would rot them.
River got a signal from the toothy octopus commercial, and she said “Miranda.” Huh? Was the alliance broadcasting something to make her think about one of their big screw-ups? That makes no sense. I could see that they’d perhaps want to trigger her so she’d flip out and thus be easier to find, but why did she say Miranda?
So, obviously, I had some problems with the movie. I’d intended to go see it several times this weekend (I’d heard it needs $80 million for a sequel) but now I’m not sure I want to. I’m not even sure if I want a sequel. However, it was still worlds better than a lot of movies I’ve seen, so perhaps if I plan to go see some other movie I’ll just buy a Firefly ticket and then theater-hop. And, just for the record, I absolutely adore the series. I think if I didn’t like the series so much, I might have liked the movie better.
Oh, and Jewel Staite definitely was better looking in the series.