Imagine you are on a flight across South America with the non-human (Muppet) cast of Sesame Street. Suddenly, in the constant fog which envelops the Andes, the plane develops mechanical problems and starts losing altitude. The fog clears just in time to see the side of a mountain looming in front of you. There is no time to react and the plane crashes.
By some miracle, everyone survives, but you have limited supplies. Before long, some one will need to be sacrificed so their comrades may live. Their little, felt brains unable to conceive of volunteering, the Muppets turn to you to choose.
Whom do you choose, and why?
My Choice: Cookie Monster, because, with him, it is a simple matter of eating or being eaten.
the problem remains, how much nutrition can you extract from felt and synthetic fur?
annoyance factor; elmo must die
logically, snuffy, being 2 performers in a costume, would yeild the most meat, big bird is mostly air, and the performer inside the costume looks rather…gamey
Cookie Monster would be safe, as he’d be the goofy sidekick, just have to keep his voice down so he wouldn’t cause avalanches, and since CM only seems to eat cookies, there’s more meat for the rest of the survivors
A. There is no way I am eating any muppets. I don’t care how dire the situation.
B. Muppets don’t need to eat, therefore I am in no immediate danger.
C. As soon as we recover from the crash, I convert most of the muppets into blankets, rope and sled, tie a rope around Barkley, and we’re home in 48 hours. No problem.
I think I’d go with Mr. Hooper. Not only would he hold significantly more nutritional value than a muppet, he would be the one most likely to foil the creation of my own muppet banana republic on the mountain.
So not only do I conserve the muppet labor force, I remove my chief rival for control of the People’s Democratic Republic of Muppetonia.
While Cookie Monster’s primary source of sustenance seems to be cookies, I have seen Cookie Monster eat other things. I recall him eating a plate and a cup quite clearly. In any event, I still consider him to be the biggest threat to my personal survival.
Are we talking about Muppets in general, or just Sesame Street ones? 'Cause if it’s the former, then it seems to me we have an exceptionally spoiled, loud-mouthed source of ham and bacon available.
Yeah, not to mention that Mr. Hooper would be a bit gamey and leathery by now. Maybe Hooper Jerky.
I can hear Snuffy now: “Well, Bird, we’ve been friends and all, but look at those gams! I love drumsticks, Bird, so there’s no two ways about it: you’re taking one for the team.” Big Bird: “you! YOU! You sold me out, you rat bastard! Who believed in you? Everyone thought I was crazy. But no, I stuck by you, and this is how you repay me? That’s not how it’s goin’ down, you big, fat, succulent tub of Snuffy meat!” Out comes the shiv made from seat frame aluminum, off comes the trunk and one of the legs, great gouts of Muppet blood spewing everywhere.
Coming to his senses, Big Bird can’t believe what he’s done, and takes his own life.
I don’t know about long-term, but tonight, I’m piggin’ out on Snuffy, fightin’ for a drumstick, and then finish it off with a cherry sno-cone. Definitely not a lemon one, because that was pretty foul, Bert. Heyyyy… Wait a second… that was… oh, that’s it. You’re goin’ down next, Bert I’ll be eatin’ cereal out that crazy unibrow conehead skull of yours tomorrow.
Big Bird, because he’s big and dumb and he can’t fly so what good is he besides dinner? Snuffaluphagus could be useful for his presumably immense strength and you could snuggle up with him at night.
Last to go would be Grover. He’s cute and funny and there’s not much meat on him.
God, I feel like a perverse anthropomorphic cannibal.
I didn’t think muppets actually needed to eat. (Although some of them choose to eat for purely recreational pruposes, such as when Cookie Monster enocunters a box of vanilla wafers or when Ernie makes himself a peanut butter and banana sandwich.)
