Setting Up Friends: Share Your Stories

So, I’ve kind of made it a rule NOT to set up my friends.

BUT (you knew there was a but, right?) I recently had a party.

My friend Barry was there, so was Missy (not their names). I had thought Barry and Missy might hit it off before, but then later thought better of it. This party was not the first time they met - it was maybe the 3rd. But it was a lot more intimate, and suddenly Missy was interested.

I reiterated my rule about setting up friends, but sent one email to Barry saying, “I don’t set up friends. Missy thinks your cute. I’m stepping out of it.”

He replied and asked me to give her his email address. I did so. And truly, I stayed out of it.

They went on a few dates, one ending up with her laying on his bed and making out with him for a few hoursbefore she abruptly felt they were rushing, and leaving.

She got very upset that he never called her again.

I stayed out of it.

Barry disappeared for several months, scared I’m sure that I would give him grief. But true to my word, I’ve not said a word to him about it. Missy has tried to call him names to my face but I shut her down and said, “Barry’s my friend. Your my friend. Leave me out of it.” And she’s backed off.

So now Barry’s back - and he and Missy really haven’t been at the same place at the same time in our social circle. Until this past week where she was getting on fairly well with Al.

Al is a good friend of Barry’s. Missy didn’t know that.

But I stayed out of it. I did, however, confirm that Al and Barry were good friends when asked. Then got myself another coke.

This won’t lead to drama. At least not for me. I’m staying out of it. And I will never even stick my pinky toe in again.

But I would love to hear someone else’s story. Up or down, good or bad. I just want some set-up stories. Help a girl out?

Had both good and bad. Set up my friend with his (now) wife, they hit it off from day one. Of course for them, it was easy because both of them were so passive that once you stick one of them in front of someone they like they are fine with everything about the other person. Some surprising bullet points about the whole thing:

*My best friend was living with his ex-girlfriend, whom he was still kind of supporting even though they were supposed to just be ‘friends’ at the time. Ex would still give him lots of PDA. New girl didn’t seem to mind any of this at all :dubious:

*Friends wife was actually the bestfriend of my ex at the time. Ex and I broke up and coincidentally she had a HUGE falling out with her friend. Then Ex found out she wasn’t going to be a bridesmaid at the wedding and threw a huge fit because friends wife knew her the longest of all her friends and she helped me introduce the two of them together. Bummer!

*She later intoduced me to one of her friends and the friend and I dated for a short while. It didn’t work out, and the worst part was that this girl would relay all the raunchy text messages I sent her to my friends wife, then when I would hang out with them she would be all like “Eww Incubus you’re so pervy sending Samantha those disgusting text messages” like a fucking middle school girl :mad: even though it wasn’t any of her goddamn business.

*This particular girl dumped me because she didn’t know what the hell she wanted; everything I said/did she would relay STRAIGHT back to her BFF my friend’s wife but god forbid I even vaguely implied anything I did/said to her to my friend :o She had great tits but her appeal ended above her collarbone and below the crotch. That and I had just gotten out of a relationship and the timing wasn’t so great (mightve been less drama if it was more of a fuckbuddy-relationship where we would just see where it would go; but because I wasn’t the Edward to her Bella she got bored and moved on.

*Everything worked out fine in the end; my best friend got married and I saw a couple exes at the wedding but everybody was very civil to each other. I’m currently dating a woman that doesn’t have anything to do with any of them which is great because I can keep everything to ourselves which is much less drama.

I’ve never set people up but I have been set up numerous times by friends and family so some thoughts from the other side of the fence:

  1. Don’t make a big deal about setting two people up. Arrange for them to meet socially without any of this nonsense about “You’ve got to meet Jane, she’s perfect for you!”. If they hit it off on their own that’s great but if you are subtly (or not-so-subtly) pressuring them into dating from the first meeting that’s uncomfortable.

  2. Letting Joe and Jane meet casually without the impression that you are flinging them at each other keeps you out of the fray if they don’t hit it off, you’re off the hook if they start dating and then it doesn’t work out, and if they wind up getting hitched then you can still claim the assist at the wedding :smiley:

  3. If you ever say something like “Jane and Joe are the perfect match” then stop right there. This is a sure sign that you don’t know what Jane and/or Joe (probably both) is looking for.

My brother and sister-in-law once tried to set me up with their daughters’ piano teacher. They were absolutely sure that she was perfect for me. And you know what? She was, except for two things. a) She lived 400 miles from me, and b) she was incredibly, undeniably, very obviously a lesbian.

Yeah, long distance relationships are tough, aren’t they? :wink:


My penis is long, but not THAT long.

My wife once tried to set up one of my good friends with one of her good friends. My friend, B, was 38 at the time, while her friend P was 39.

I personally didn’t think it was a good idea, but my wife put it this way, “P was asking me if I knew any nice guys. B is a nice guy who needs to meet a nice girl… so why not introduce them?”

So we invited them both to our house for dinner. They chatted, but didn’t really hit it off. I kind of knew it wouldn’t work though. B has a weird sense of humor that is not initially attractive to women, and P was not the body type that B typically liked.

No harm, no foul, I guess.

Yep! It’s really obvious to me what is attractive in a woman, but everyone else seems blind to it. As it turns out I have a really hard time conveying what my “type” is to other people. I would bet that most people are more or less the same.

A friend of mine set me up with one of her coworkers. Said friend, however, said nothing about either of us, to either of us. I have subsequently decided this is a bad, bad idea. She said “I’ll leave you to get to find out about each other”, but c’mon, you need a bit of positive spin, in both directions.

I liked this girl well enough when we met, she was reasonably cute, and we ended up having a really good night and a great chat. I didn’t go in for the major kiss at the end, which maybe I should have, but she was really enthusiastic about a second date, said “call me!” excitedly when I put her in a cab, and I caught her staring out of the cab window at me as she drove off. When she got home texted me to say how much she’d enjoyed the night, and that she couldn’t wait to see me again soon.

I never heard from her again.

After a day or two, I had left a message on her voicemail asking when she’d like to hook up next, to be greeted by nothing whatsoever. My friend eventually followed up with the girl, and she said “yeah, he’s a nice guy, but no”.

My friend was really, really embarrassed: one would expect that sort of behaviour from a stranger, but not a mutual friend.

Then I got set up with this girl by another friend, who says “I always get it right - two marriages and three babies so far!” It was at a social occasion I’d been invited to, and after about two hours my friend sidled up to me and said “Emma’s single, you know” and raised an eyebrow. Emma seemed to be into me, but - being brutally honest here - she was well below the level of attractiveness at which my penis would agree to operate. She gave me her number, so I gave her mine, but I never made any plans or promises with her, and didn’t get in touch.

She called me a few months later and tried to set me up with her friend. Which was weird.

So, so far, not working out too well.

A friend of mine in high school, H, had a Best Friend Since Childhood, S - their parents were good friends, H & S had known each other since birth, yadda yadda yadda - but S went to a different high school.

A month after graduation a friend and I were planning to throw a small party, to which we invited H; she asked if she could bring S, and I’d met S once before, so I said sure, no problem. S and I wound up hitting it off, and were together for a couple of years. The situation was like the OP - H didn’t intentionally set us up, and during our time together she never “took sides” with us - she stayed out of it.

After S and I broke up, I didn’t see much of H for a couple of years - which was to be expected, as they were best friends and all. But I ran into H and her boyfriend (now husband) a couple of years later, and found out that she and S had had a major falling out - apparently she came to the same conclusions about S that I had.

So now, twenty years later, H and S are still no longer friends, but H and I are. She and her husband are some of the very few people from high school I’m still in regular contact with. I’ve always thought it’s kind of funny that things worked out that way.

My best friend in high school told me she had a crush on this guy in band (who technically was my friend, as everyone from the same graduating class in band is friends). She was afraid to tell him. I told him for her. They have been dating since then and have been married 9 years.

My brother and his wife were introduced by mutual friends. She is friends with the wife and he with the husband. Married 3 years now.

My brother’s friend G met my brother’s friend-of-a-friend R through parties at our place. They’ve been married quite a while now. Very happy.

No one’s ever tried to set me up. I wish someone would…makes me think no one thinks I’m good enough for anyone they know. hrumph