I like that - the difference between self-esteem and self-efficacy and why you want to aim for self-efficacy, not self-esteem, if you want to have a happy, useful life. That makes perfect sense. I also think that Entitlement Disorder in some ways is a better term than Narcissistic Disorder - it really describes the problem these people have with the world, and the problems the world has with them.
If you want to get these people out of your life so you don’t have to continue watching this slow-motion trainwreck, viva, you can do what I did with my sister and her family who are like this - inadvertently insult them so deeply that they never speak with you again.
You can’t change the situation if you didn’t create it.
Sitting back and watching is extremely painful. Having a root canal done while riding on a bike while you have hemerroids would be less painful.
When the enabler starts whining and complaining about the problem person takes advantage/uses them/whatever, when the first period - as in punctuation - comes in the conversation, change the subject.It isn’t rude, it is essential for your mental survival.
This puts up an invisible wall to let the Martyr know you aren’t there to be their cheap therapist. They aren’t listening anyway so why should you get crapped on with their problems that they refuse to work towards a resolution anyways.
I’ve noticed that the older sister, now 21, isn’t like Nancy at all. Then again, the older one was always more sensible, organized, diligent, and much more giving. Nancy got her demands met by throwing a fit if things were not going her way.
She isn’t going to learn to stand on her own feet - the enablers do have some blame, too. My biological mother was carried by her elder sister, my aunt well into her forties. Every time she came to ask for money, my aunt would give it to her. And then she’d disappear for a while. And then come back when she was out of money.
Over and over. When do you not blame the enablers, who open their wallets every time? And when my half-brothers come to ask me for money when our mother dies, and I say hell no, I’m going to be perceived as the cruel one who doesn’t love family. :rolleyes:
They tried it. Didn’t work. She didn’t care. She always did whatever the hell she wanted. Just a few years ago, they told her not to get her navel pierced. So she just went off to her friend’s house and let her do the piercing. I’m sure she did it just to be contrary. She can’t be wrong, ya know.
Shockingly, Nancy loves the cooking school and is still enrolled. I hope she can endure to the end and then do something with the skills.
In the meantime, my mom didn’t feel like giving the granddaughters a chunk of change for Christmas (they never say thank you, but that’s only one reason), so she just gave them about ten dollars each. She justified it to my brother on the phone recently by saying that she had been remodeling, paying property taxes, etc. (all true)
He commented that she might need a financial manager. :rolleyes:
I swear, the entitlement feeling must roll uphill.
Oh thank you for saying this, Stranger. True dat. She wouldn’t last long in a pro kitchen the way the OP describes her. I am envisioning her running out the back door sobbing two hours into the shift.
She’s still enrolled, but she’s figured out how to game the parents–not that she didn’t know already. She’s got them running out to buy food and cooking sherry and whatever so she can practice at home.
She also insists that her eyeglasses have to be Versace or Prada “because nothing else looks good.” :rolleyes:
I wonder what it’s like to have someone else’s money to spend on a whim.
