When I had kids, I never thought that I’d be trying to answer these questions when they were only 8 and 10 years old. I’ve already explained the basics to my son, I didn’t think my daughter was ready yet, but with the questions I’ve gotten from her, we’re going to have to talk soon.
Here’s a list of questions I’ve had this week:
“Why do people like to get naked in bed ?”
“What’s a comdom ?”
“What’s a virgin ? Are you a virgin ?”
“What are these things ?” (carrying a box of maxi pads)
You’re never ready for it, but you give 'em straight answers so they’ll know they can get the good info from you. I think my daughter was 8 when we had our first tentative talks. Now that she’s almost 18, I’m hoping we’ve pretty much covered it all.
Yes, I hear you. Littlecats and I were getting ready for an annual Christmas photo session and she said, “When I grow up, I’m gonna have big boobs, just like my Mom. Doesn’t my Mom have big boobs, Daddy?”
I smiled and tried to softly change the subject. Yes, my ex is well endowed, yet that was not a subject I wished to discuss with my 7 year old daughter.
You have two options!
A good friend of mine was told the ‘facts’ by her strict Lebanese father that holding hands leads to babies, and kissing is basically punishable by law! Sex, periods, breasts etc are not to be discussed, and boys are to be avoided at all costs. She lived in fear and had absolutely no idea about the facts of life, and was a virgin on her wedding night.
Then you have my mother who was a nurse. I was given the facts in so much detail that I was more knowledgable than any of my friends, and most adults. I was shown pictures, and the correct terminology was always used and discussing the ‘facts’ was encouraged. I was not scared when I got my periods and breasts.
The outcome was that I was alot more comfortable with the human body that my friends. I wasn’t scared or curious, and was a lot more adjusted.
So I encourage you to tell them as they ask, but don’t use silly analogies. Tell them the truth, and be honest. Use correct terms and encourage them to come to you with questions rather than strangers. You want to encourage open communication.
Buy a book that is written for this exact purpose, with lots of pictures and read it with them.
Just think back to how you were told. Was it done well? If not … do the opposite. If it was handled well… copy it.
Yeah, you should always answer the questions honestly (but be sure not to give them more info than they’re really asking for. Give them minimal answers, and if that doesn’t satisfy, they’ll let you know they need more info). My oldest daughter was, oh, 6, when she was in my room watching me get dressed one winter morning. “Why do you have all that hair there?” she asked. “Well, honey, all girls get that as they get older. You will, too, one day.” She was obiously pleased by the thought. Mulled it over for a moment, and anounced “I think I’ll ask Santa to bring me some for Christmas!”
Be honest. The absolute worst thing that my parents ever did was in not explaining things to me. It left me totally confused and probably fouled up a couple of relationships I had.
If your kids know that they can come to you and get a no BS answer, then they’ll be more likely to talk things over with you, and you won’t have to worry that they’ll do something really, really stupid.
My parents never gave me the “Sex talk.” I don’t think it ever screwed me up too much. Managed healthy relationships. Learned about everything from my friends freshman year of high school. Didn’t do anything too stupid.
While I think the sex talk is probably a good thing, kids have a way of finding out themselves… and some take it better than others.
My folks explained things to me very well, only they made things up instead of just giving the straight talk & Im still trying to unlearn that stuff. I was a hearing person then too.
Be more fun to explain it in sign language cause its so pictorial.
Well, we had The Joy of Sex (gotta capitalize it around here, with all you sex pervs lurking in the Simpsons aisle) when I was very young, so I knew all about that stuff. My parents figured there was no point in having kids if you kept them in the dark about … well, Life.
I’m messed up today, but a much smaller portion of it is due to sex talks my parents gave me than might otherwise be the case:D
I had to explain menstruation to my brother when he was about eight or nine (I was in my late teens) because he found some evidence of it that I somehow hadn’t disposed of properly. He was WORRIED about me. So I didn’t go into huge amounts of detail but explained that this thing happens to women every month and why and that it’s perfectly normal. It was only moderately embarassing, and I had to tell myself, “It’s a PERFECTLY NORMAL biological function, and if he’s old enough to ask, he’s old enought to know – heck, I found out about it when I wasn’t much older.”
Be honest. Someday, your children will have sex, as much as you don’t want to think about it. They WILL need to know.
As a science-nerd, bookworm-type kid, I knew how the mechanics of reproduction worked when I was about 8 years old.
Of course, I thought it was a very clinical process:
"Well, I think we are ready to have a baby."
"Okay. I am now ovulating, initiate sperm injection."
I didn’t know there WAS a “sex drive” until years later. My assumption was that men and women got together as a division-of-labor strategy, to make child-raising more manageable.
I can recall watching the Nova special ‘Miracle of Life’ when I was six… when I turned 11 my parents just handed me these books one day, calling them an owner’s manual. Never really discussed it with them past that. Just in case you’re wondering, they are excellent books.
What I remember most was being extremely grossed out-“My parents did THAT? EEEWWW!!”
From the time I was ten years old, until I was about twelve, I decided I was NEVER getting married and NEVER EVER EVER going to do THAT. It was too horrifying to contemplate.
