Sex with your dog!?

Ok. so the title is slightly misleading, but then again, what title’s aren’t around here. First off, I have never had sex with a canine, and have no desire to do so in the immediate future. I do neither endorse or condemn said actions.

…ahem…

I was on the bus yesterday, and my thoughts got to drifting about my dogs. I’ve had a few in my life, but only two that I could really call my own (as in my friend and companion). They were both lovely, lovely animals. One, was a Rhodesian Ridgeback named Garvey (after Marcus Garvey) and one was an American Bulldog named Bishop. And looking back with fond memmories and a bit of sadness at my time with them, I came to the realization that just about everything I looked for in a dog, is the same thing I look for in a partner. It simply confirmed to me that they were and will always be more than pets to me.

So what is it that I look for? (in no particular order)

  1. Self-Reliant- I don’t want a dog who needs to be looked after every second, and I don’t want a partner who needs attention every second. You need to be able to survive on your own.

  2. Attractive - Hey ok, whatever, call me shallow, I like the ego boost. There is something about people complimenting you on your dog, especially people who would never talk to me otherwise (I’m speaking of the Pacific Heights bourge crowd) and here is somthing flattering about people eyeing your partner. I also apreciate the uniqueness of ridgebacks and bulldogs, I look for that in people too.

  3. Trainable - I want a dog that understands what I want from it, and at the same time I understand what it needs from me. This is the basis for training a dog effectively, likewise, I look for the same attributes in people (although I wouldn’t refer to it as trainability at that point)

  4. Enjoys outdoors- Ok, this one pretty much applies to all dogs, but it is rarer in people, and I do appreciate it.

  5. Likes sitting around and doing nothing sometimes - I don’t like hyper dogs, and I don’t like overly hyper people. Most of the time I’m pretty mellow.

  6. Loyal - Won’t go around sleeping with other people, won’t go around and abandon you.

  7. Doesn’t poop on the floors - This one is pretty obvious.

  1. Won’t hump visitor’s legs. (does this fall under loyalty?)

You have a bizarre way of getting attention. I think the direct question would have gotten good results. Your topic might get you directions to Times Square.

In my experience I’ve found that mixed breeds are a bit more mellow and lower mainatenance than some purebreds. Smaller generally equates to more hyper as well. I’m partial to American Eskemos but they’re maybe a little too energetic for you. They’re always “on” and really like the sound of their own voice, particularly males. My dad has a chocolate lab that fits your requirments well but we still had to tech him to not poop on the floor.

I had sex with a dog once. :eek:

Of course, “dog” is an acronym for “drunken old girlfriend”. :slight_smile:

If you can handle the fur, consider a Norwegian Elkhound. I was stuck between my Elkie and getting a Ridgie, but I decided for my first dog I wanted something a little smaller than a Ridgie. They are medium-sized, but they have big-dog attitude, are beautiful, don’t have to be with you every minute of the day, are smart but have an attitude (“You threw the toy, I brought it back twice, now you go get it”).

My next dog will probably be a Ridgie.

And no, I’ve never had inter-species sex.

little*bit’s comment made me think of my favorite joke not to be told amongst polite ompany. Fortunately, any thread started by oldscratch is probably not gonna have polite company (;)), so…

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

(Punchline to be said in your best Sam Kinneson yell…)

PICK HIM UP AND SUCK IT’S DICK!!!

Please remember to tip your bartenders…


Yer pal,
Satan - Commissioner, The Teeming Minions

*I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
Five months, two weeks, four days, 17 hours, 6 minutes and 23 seconds.
6868 cigarettes not smoked, saving $858.56.
Extra life with Drain Bead: 3 weeks, 2 days, 20 hours, 20 minutes.

*“I’m a big Genesis fan.”-David B. (Amen, brother!) **

Actually-

My dog is a spaz. I love him. He’s the only one who is my equal- no worse, no better- at wrestling. He lets me sleep with my head on his chest and showers me with kisses whenever I arrive, acts like my return is the greatest thing that has ever happened to him.
Oh, he also likes walks in the woods and rolling around in horseshit, if he finds any.

My kind of man.
Except he’s dumber than dirt- who cares? He’s cute!

I always thought a Rhodesian Ridgeback was a type of pig.

I always thought it would be fun to place a personal ad for my rat:

       Hi. I'm a single beige male looking for an aromatic lady. My hobbies include hiding and sniffing things. Oh, and i love my mom more than anything in the world. I have a mild skin disease but I'm hairy enough so that's not overly visible and I have really big nads...