Ok Here is the deal; I work in a job where I am invited to many social events. My co-workers and bosses are aware of this. I was invited to an annual black tie event where members of my profession are honored. I am one of the honorees. I make no secret that I am attending this event and one of my bosses expresses interest in also attending. This is of course an invite only event and I am not interested in inviting her as I am planning on going with my girlfriend. Boss lady muscled her way in last year. My girl friend has to cancel at a late moment due to out of state job training. So I invite a co-worker to attend with me, let’s say her name is Sally, I like her she is fun etc. Well, the boss lady who is also good friends with Sally gets wind of the deal and asks Sally what up with the hair? She lies and said, oh nothing. The next day Boss lady asks how my night was, I say it was fun and that I wish I could have invited everyone, but that is not how it works. You think this is the end of the story? Sally gets called into the office and read the riot act on how she deceived management and that one of the bosses should have gone with me. I may get called in tomorrow (stupid). I think I have the choice to invite whoever I want. It was a date. It seems that they feel I should make my decision on some work related value. Am I being sexual harassed? Oh, by the way, Sally is married and I have nothing but a professional relationship with her.
From what I can tell, you were not sexually harassed. At the worst, your boss is trying to take advantage of your good fortune. I would see if any of your other bosses can do something to help you out. Maybe have one of them speak to boss lady and see if they can put some pressure on her to stop.
If you have a girlfriend, and you aren’t cheating, how does this work out to being a date? Or are you hoping to trade your current girlfriend for Sally?
So if it isn’t a date, and it is work related–why wouldn’t you take your boss? It’s in your boss’ interests to make contacts when and where possible and this is an opportunity. Not taking her just because you want to take someone cuter (but who is not your girlfriend), just sounds like you’re not doing your job.
Maybe I’m wrong about this, but a “black tie event where members of [one’s] profession are honored” is what I would call a social event. Nor is it affiliated with your specific job, though it’s obviously related to your career. If you have been invited because of what you have personally done, rather than because you work where you do, I don’t see that you have any obligation to bring along someone from your workplace.
Nevertheless, it’s easy to see why your boss would want to go, and I think understandable (if not wholly defensible) why your boss might see it as work-related. In my view, there was a faux pas in inviting someone from your workplace other than your boss. That’s just asking for trouble.
I think you’re on firm ground in believing you can invite whomever you choose to be your guest. If you’d invited a non-work friend in your girlfriend’s stead I don’t believe there would be an issue. But by inviting a friend at work, I think you confused the matter and turned your firm ground into mud.
If Dragon Boss Lady threatens to fire you because you didn’t take her and demands immediate sexual favors to get back in her good graces, well then yep, that’s harassment.
If she’s just an icky person who’s sticking her nose in where it doesn’t belong? Nope, she’s just an icky person who happens to be the boss.
Oh poor, poor Sage Rat. You sound so young and naive. I have in the past, at other jobs, dated the boss and /or found love in the heart of another woman. It never worked out well. This is not the case. I am devoted to my girl friend, but not a job that forces me to take my (this) personal time away from me. I spend plenty of personal time working for the cause. I deserve my own personal time, away from work, that I can do with what I please. If Boss lady was a kind hearted sort, I would do my best to help her. However, that is not the case. I have bent over backwards to accommodate boss lady. I have to draw the line somewhere.
Gary T. Yes I may have confused the point. Thank you for the insight. Confusing the point does not make me wrong, just stupid. I never said I was not stupid. Perhaps, I am the naive one.
And Queen Tonya – She may be just icky
Oh, SR correct me if am wrong, it is possible to go out on a “date” with someone you are not intending to have sex with.
From the above reference provided by Dragwyr: “As defined by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, it is unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature,”
I don’t see where “sexual” enters into your situation. Nowhere do you state that your boss has done any of the above. If she hasn’t, forget the sexual harrassment idea.
You’ve been pressured to invite your boss to a work-related social function. Uncomfortable for you, but hardly sexual harrassment.
Perhaps gender bias (i.e. if you were a woman, she wouldn’t want to go - if Sally were not a woman, she wouldn’t have been called on the carpet), but you are going to have a tough hall with that one, as it needs to be pervasive, needs to be not just you and Sally, and needs to cause you harm.
Then it’s not a date–and hence could never be sexual harrasment. And deciding to take a cute girl who is not your girlfriend just looks bad. If you were taking your girlfriend certainly–but otherwise, it’s just a work event.
Sally went to the hairdresser and got her hair done up real purty for the black tie affair. Obviously, boss lady noticed.
Not sexual harassment by any means. However, did the company pay any of the tab for the outing? I don’t know how it works if you’re an honoree, but usually someone has to shell out a few dollars for tickets to one of these affairs. If you’re charging it to the company, then boss lady has a point – that would turn it into a networking opportunity rather than a social occasion.
Which is the real issue, isn’t it? Was this a social occasion or a work occasion (according to Boss Lady as well as bat312)? If it was a work occasion, then not taking the boss is an error of judgement, about which she’d rightly be pissed. If it was a social occasion, I assume it was free and by personal invitation, rather than through work. In which case, you were free to take who you wanted (and it need not have been a colleague).
No…dates are always more than just “going to a thing together”. There is the expectation that you want the relationship to move in a more romantic direction eventually. If things work out.
Still, if you had already asked the co-worker, its a planned event and none of your boss’s business.
