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I’ll start.

I got a haircut today. The woman cutting my hair said that stylists are like bartenders. People tell them everything. She said she was styling a woman’s hair. Seh described the woman as an ‘Amazon’ – six-one, and blonde. The Amazon and her family had just moved up to Bellingham, WA from California because The Amazon’s husband had been transferred. The Husband took their two boys to Mt. Baker to go skiing. Meanwhile, The Amazon was unpacking boxes from their move. In one box, she discovered love letters to her husband from his paramour. Oh, she was mad! She was going to light into The Husband when he got home. Except she didn’t have to because he didn’t get home. He’d skied off of a cliff and fell to his death.

Of course I don’t know if it’s true. The story was told to the woman cutting my hair, by a woman (The Amazon) who said it had happened to her. Anyway, it’s a good story.

Now it’s your turn.

When I was 15, my family moved to a school district with a game show for students (similar to College Bowl). I became infatuated with the champion, who I’ll call Dulcinea. She went to another school, so the only way I could meet her was through the show. Smitten, I ignored my classes and immersed myself in history, literature, and geography. I was captain of my team during my senior year, and we clobbered everyone. Unfortunately, Dulcinea’s team lost in the quarter-finals. So I never met her.

Twenty years later, I was a programmer in California. I made good money, but women didn’t find me interesting. One lonely evening, I searched Dulcinea’s location in an online dating site. THERE SHE WAS. Not nearly as pretty as she used to be, but still as intelligent and eloquent. I quit my job, sold my Bitcoin (AHH!), and moved to the East Coast.

I created a profile on the dating site and sent her a mildly-amusing greeting. No response. Three weeks later, I tried again. Nothing. I waited three more weeks and sent her a short, polite message. She didn’t respond, but she changed her profile to express disinterest in bald men. Being bald, I was crushed. I would have moved heaven and earth for her, but I never stood a chance.

Maria and the Bracelet:
My first girlfriend, at age 13, was a lovely girl named Maria. We met at the roller rink, and after a few weekends couple skating (we could waltz and two step on skates!) it was suddenly as serious as 13 year old kids could get. Those of you in my age group will remember the heavy chrome ID bracelets with your name engraved. I gave Maria my bracelet as a sign. Not long after that, I was sent to spend the summer with my older sister in Tennessee.

We wrote back and forth all summer. Long distance calling was very expensive and not an option, but our love deepened during our separation. Yes, I know it was just puppy love, but to the puppy, it is as serious as it can get. The day before getting on the train to come home, my sister relented and I was allowed to call Maria long distance. We made plans to meet at the roller rink as soon as I got home. I packed up and got on the train.

When I got home, less than 24 hours later, I called her and the phone had been disconnected. I headed right over to her house and when I got there, the house was empty. The doors were unlocked and everything was gone. I never heard from her again, nor did any of our friends. It is as if her family had disappeared from the face of the Earth.

At thirteen, I was very puzzled by this. As an adult, I came to realize that there was one cogent explanation: The Witness Protection Program. I don’t know if I ever knew what her dad did for a living, but there was certainly quite a lot of illegal activity in the neighborhood where I grew up. (In another story for another time, I will discuss my own involvement as a runner for a bookie.)

Somewhere, I wonder if there is a pretty lady in her mid sixties who has a heavy chrome ID bracelet with Peter engraved in it hidden deep in her jewelry box that she takes out sometimes and remembers waltzing on roller skates…

I had an extraordinary Chemistry professor during my Freshman year at Kansas State University. He was the head of the Chemistry Dept & essentially owned the entire third floor of King Hall. He told us a story of his own undergraduate work. This is a story that he presented as absolutely true - and named himself as a direct participant. I can only present it to you as he told it to us.

His undergrad work would have probably taken place in the late 1930s or early 1940s. He said that he and 4 or 5 friends would hear tall tales and would try to investigate them as best they could. They’d try to figure out how to turn the lake green for St. Patrick’s day and how to create various explosives… that kind of thing. They were the Mythbusters of their time. (although this story was related to me decades before the Mythbusters existed.)

They all had jobs working for professors on campus, so they all knew one another more personally than just as pupil / teacher. The group of young men had all signed up to take Anatomy & Physiology during the next term. Through their employment, they learned that there would be no cadaver for them. This all happened before there were enough people who donate their bodies to science. Sometimes you’d have a cadaver and sometimes you would not. Well, they were a little upset that students as fine as they would not have a cadaver, so they did the necessary research and labor in the middle of the night & they next day, right before the start of classes, without a word, the corpse simply appeared in the Anatomy Lab.

The professor proceeded as though this was a perfectly normal term… until they arrived for their final exams. The professor said, “The following students will stay after the exam.” and then he read off a list of their names.

They completed their exams and, when all of the other students had departed, the professor stood before them and said, “You are no longer my students. I am no longer your professor. And, so, I think this is the right time to tell you that she (pointing to the cadaver) was my daughter. … And you WILL be putting her back.”

And, he left them. And, they put her back.

(Flashing forward about 40 years) My professor leaned forward and said that he’d learned that day what it was to be a teacher. This man had so wanted his students to learn - and learn properly - that he had not said a word. That was what dedication was. That was why we students needed to ask questions if we had them and the level of commitment we owed to our work. It is the very definition of Gravitas.

I have returned to that campus twice over the last few decades. Each time, I went to King Hall & found some unsuspecting chemistry graduate student & kept this story alive.

My father was a very wise man and knew how to handle a kid, me, without whacking.

I’m told that when I was four and first sent to Sunday School I was misbehaving in class. Can you imagine that, me misbehaving?

Now Dad could have whacked me, told me to act right, and sent me back to class, and possibly have created a subconscious resentment against the church. But he knew a better way.

Took me out of class and told me I didn’t have to go to Sunday School. In fact, he wasn’t going to let me go. Remember the Christmas program last year, when the kids got candy and fruit afterwards? You won’t ever get that!

I’m told after that I wanted to go to Sunday School.

And something similar happened when I was eight, and I remember this one. Dad was teaching me how to count change, as I would be getting a (small)allowance. I was whining about how it was too hard to count out the coins, and wanted him to do it for me. He told me that if I couldn’t count change I wouldn’t get the allowance. After that it seemed a lot easier.

I still mis my dad so much.

The neighborhood where I grew up has a rich ethnic history, and illegal gambling and such things were just an accepted part of the landscape.

When I was in about 3rd grade, I was walking home from school. As I passed the barber shop, the barber knocked on the window and motioned me inside. He handed me an envelope and said: “Take this down to the pool hall and give it to Tony. He will give you a quarter.”

When I was 8, a quarter had about the same purchasing power as $20.00 does today. I stopped at the barber shop a few days a week after than and picked up the envelope. On delivery, Tony would give me a quarter. For a while, I was the richest kid in the neighborhood.

When the pool hall suddenly closed, i went back to my former occupation of hunting up old pop bottles to return for the deposit.

Later on, I realized that I was transporting the bets the barber had taken and delivering them to a pool hall that fronted for a gambling joint.

It was an interesting neighborhood…

I was in Beverly Hills (not willingly, of course). It was sometime in the early 1980s. I had parked on a side-street and as I got in my car to leave, I decided to turn around in an alley. I made the turn, then waited patiently for traffic to pass.

Now, I didn’t see the old man crossing the alley in front of me, but he was already past my car (which was set to go in reverse) when I noticed him. He did a little two-step to the sidewalk, stared back to give me an impeccably vicious glare, then proceeded onward, oblivious to my existence.

It was Fred Astaire.

I learned my lesson; and ever since that day, I have never come even remotely close to running over another movie star.

Like many if not most people in Spain, we’ve always lived in flats. At one point we lived in the first floor of a 9-floor building. One day as I was setting breakfast we heard fireman’s sirens stopping right in front of the house. The firemen knocked on every door, telling us to just go down to the street, there was a fire in the top floor. The whole building (20 families) went down to the street in our jammies and slippers, we had robes but others not even that. After less than half an hour the fire was under control and neighbors from other buildings invited us to their homes for breakfast. Nobody was hurt and the damage was relatively minor but it was more than two hours before we could go back home and get dressed.

Now you know why my family always gets dressed before breakfast.

I grew up on a farm in Northeast Tennessee, within sight of Interstate 81. From 1984 until 1989 a young woman drove by every time she traveled from her parents’ house in Maryland to college in Florida. She remembered the giant guitar nearby. In 1995 that young woman and I met at a party in Brooklyn, NY. This summer we will have been married for 22 years.

Years ago I was living in a crappy apartment, and got ready to head out to Mom’s for Thanksgiving dinner. I put on my winter coat for the first time that year, and on the drive over I got a faint whiff of something bad. I stopped at a store to get rolls, and everyone I passed seemed to give me a weird look. When I walked into Mom’s kitchen she exclaimed, “get that dead mouse off your shoulder!” The little corpse was just stuck there as if it had been some sort of fashion accessory.

This story seems incomplete, or rather the details seeem ill- defined. It is a great story but some of the details are foggy- did they dig up the processor’s daughter?? Please clear up my confusion.

Yes. That had no idea until the very end.

Have you ever been that awkward situation where you’re talking to someone, or maybe a group of people, and it suddenly dawns on you that what you are saying is insensitive towards your audience?

When I introduce exponential growth and decay in College Algebra, I do an example with a simple formula for the healing of wounds. I project a picture from Monty Python and the Holy Grail up on the screen, of the Black Night looking at his arm lying on the ground. We then use the formula to determine how much the wound has healed after a month, how long it takes for the wound to get to 10% of its original size, and whatnot.

A couple of years ago, I got halfway into the problem, when I made eye contact with Bob, sitting in the back of the room. Bob had recently had his leg amputated, I think within the previous year.

I was horrified. I think I just stopped and stood there for several seconds, probably with my jaw hanging open. But… the show must go on, right? Not knowing what else to do, I continued on, completely flustered. At the end, when we determine that such a wound would take about six weeks to heal, Bob raised his hand and said “yep, that’s about how long it took for me.”

Fortunately, that example wrapped up my lecture that day. I gave the students some problems to work on, then made my way to the back of the room to apologize to Bob. He said “don’t worry about it, man. I love that movie! That was awesome!”

Since then, when I do this example, and students are surprised to learn that it only takes about six weeks for an amputated limb to heal, I say “I found out the hard way that it’s true. You see, when I taught this class a couple of years ago…”

“I came to New York when I was 25, and I worked at Howard Johnson’s in Times Square, where I did the door in this completely silly uniform. Before that, I had been a student at the Pasadena Playhouse, where I had been awarded the least-likely-to-succeed prize, along with my pal Dustin Hoffman, which was a big reason we set off for New York together. Out of nowhere, this teacher I totally despised at the Pasadena Playhouse suddenly walked by HoJo’s and came right up into my face and shouted, “See, Hackman, I told you that you would never amount to anything!” I felt one inch tall.”

Gene Hackman

I don’t have a really great story, but I recently bought Sid Vicious action toy. On the back of the package there was a warning to beware of sharp parts.

When I was eight or nine years old me and my family went on our usual trip to the grocery store after church. My dad asked me if I wanted to walk with him to the post office a block away. I said I didn’t, can’t remember why, and feeling bad about it a few minutes later ran down the street as fast as I could with my head down trying to catch up. Right into a bus stop pole.
I came to with a woman from a nearby office holding a damp cloth to my forehead and looking very worried.
Not much of a story, but another post got me thinking about my dad.
He was a good guy.

Some of this may be rumor, or just my imperfect memory. It’s been a while.

My dad was a pilot in the Air Force. I vaguely remember in the mid-'70s a plane from his base crashed. Apparently, one of my dad’s senior officers was quoted somewhere saying that there hadn’t been sufficient rest for the crew, something like that. I guess the brass didn’t like that, because he was transferred to some out-of-the-way base in a completely different command, which was unusual. He must have worked his way back into their good graces because he got a really plum assignment, a diplomatic posting, a few years later.

In Tehran.

He was one of the hostages for the full 444 days. Just a couple years after that he moved back to the area. He lived on my paper route. I talked to him a couple times when I was collecting at the end of a month. Never asked him about his time in Iran, but he spoke at my high school about it. Fascinating to get an inside perspective.

Just did a web search; he died about a year-and-a-half ago.

When I was a kid, my parents divorced and Dad didn’t come around much anymore. I remember asking my mom if he might be one of the Iranian hostages. She said “of course not!”, but I didn’t know how she could be so sure.

She was right, though. :slight_smile:

When I was a kid, we went to an airshow outside Kansas City, Kansas. In a tent or building they were showing old aviation related films. One was a silent, which showed a bunch of daredevils forming a human chain from the bottom of an airplane. Then the one at the top lost his grip and they all fell. To this day I don’t know if it was real, or a madcap comedy.

Aside: I had a hairdresser who used to say, “Wet their heads, and they’ll tell you anything.”