Share some self-incriminating moments

There are foot-in-mouth moments, then there are, ‘I have just embarassed the hell out of myself’ moments. The former can often be accidentally offensive/disturbing to others, but the latter is purely self-incrimination; revealing something to someone you did not intend to say out loud.

One day I got called in to substitute teach in an elementary school. During lunch, I happened upon the school nurse, who I recognized as being the school nurse from my elementary school years ago. Proud of myself that I could return to her as somewhat of a coworker, I introduced myself,

“Hi, Mrs. Nurse, I’m Incubus. I remember you from [local school] when you dislodged a piece of…eraser…that…was…stuck…in…my…ear…” :eek:

As you can see, the ellipses were when I kind of trailed off because my train of thoughts was starting to catch up to what I was saying. True enough, in elementary school I had bits of eraser stuck in my ear (long story) and the school nurse did a great job of removing it and calming my fears of spending my entire life with a piece of eraser lodged in my left ear canal. Anyway, she had a good chuckle about it, and consoled me in the fact that during her career she had removed many a foreign object from countless childrens’ ear canals. :slight_smile:

Okay, how’s this: I suffer from foot-in-mouth disease chronically.

My best friend of 15 years and I “broke up” because I said something stupid to the Maid of Honor (MoH) at BF’s daughter’s wedding.

Here’s the backstory: BF’s family is a group of hearty partiers. Oftentimes they end up drunk at parties and such, so it was no surprise to hear that MoH had slept with BF’s brother. I dated brother several times over a period of OMG 20 years. We met when I was 20 and working at the same company. Didn’t meet BF 'till about 5 years into on/off relationship with her brother. When first dating her brother I was a practicing alkie and life was wild and loud. Loud in that brother lived with her and we’d come home drunk and have loud obnoxious sex. I was big into faking it at that time and well, porno movie queens moan and thrash about, so I did too. God that must’ve been annoying for BF, especially since she had the husband and daughter, who was about 5 then.

BF and I started hanging out once I had gotten sober and developed a close relationship. She was/is my best friend for 15 years.

FF to daughter’s wedding last August. With the knowledge that MoH had slept with Dave, I thought I’d rib her a bit. You know, something in common – the experience of sleeping with Dave. So I say “did you ever think that maybe Dave should’a been gay? He sure gets into it from behind!” Okay, it was a nasty joke to make at the wedding, but I didn’t think her sleeping with him was any big deal, so I let it slip out. EVERYONE involved, from BF to Bride to Dave to MoH were hugely offended. Fair enough. BUT…BF decides she doesn’t want to talk to me about it (she’s notorious for stopping communication when she’s angry, which drives me nuts because I’m a talk-it-out kind of person) and after weeks of emails back and forth with me apologizing profusely for every slight incurred during the 15 years and her not acknowledging that just maybe she’d hurt/offended me also over the years and I didn’t think enough of it to raise a stink. Nasty words were exchanged. I regret it.

We haven’t spoken since August 20, 2005. It’s a shame too, because in spite of the nasty things she emailed, I still miss her. We’re slowly working our way back, but the tune of “My Immortal” keeps playing in the back of my head. I’m not sure I can forget the nasty things she said, but I’m working on forgiving them.

I had a pink bathrobe that I liked and had worn for quite awhile. One day I noticed that it has in “irregular” tag inside. I didn’t remember which grandmother had given it to me so I assumed it was Nana, who was poorer and more lowbrow than Grandma. So I blurt out to Mom, Can you believe it, this is an irregular?!?

Of course Grandma, who was the giver, was also sitting there. :o In a quiet voice she says irregulars can be just as good as new.

It sounds really minor, but my Grandma is so Proper and we only ever talk about the most Appropriate Things, so to say anything at all questionable was more than we could bear.

Only once.

It was piratical, and I’m still too embarassed to share it completely. Let us just say that with the misuse of -one- word in a quote, I embarrassed myself and almost let a big ol’ cat out of a bag.

Please share it completely.

So, one day, my mom, my sister, and I are talking about. . .well, things of a slightly TMI nature. My sister was about 15 at the time, and my mom and I were joking about virginity. At the time, I was engaged, to a man that I met when I was 19 (he’s now my husband).

My mom says, in a joking manner, that my sister has to wait until she’s 19, because that’s when she and I lost our virginity.

At that point, I open my mouth to correct her. . .

“Um. . .” ::dawning realization:: “. . .yeah. You have to wait until 19.”

She assumed that I’d never had sex before I met my husband. Which. . .nope. That honor was my ex’s, when I was 18 (there was a thread about the wacky consequences, but that got lost in The Winter of our Missed Content). Somehow, I didn’t think she’d appreciate that I was fighting ignorance if I corrected her. But I almost did :eek:.

The first one that came to mind (cause my foot meets my mouth on a regular basis) was one night at dinner with a close friend and her boyfriend. Her face had broken out quite severely, and her doctor said it was due to an infection. Her face was normally clear, so she had a lot of anxiety about it. She confided to me that she’ll get ready to go out, get in her car and drive down the street, then turn around and go back home because she couldn’t stand how her face looked. So we are waiting for a table and she mentions that the medication she’s on has been working, but she had a minor breakout that day. Without thinking, I say, “Yeah I noticed.”
Her eyes welled up and she excused herself to go to the bathroom. Her boyfriend stares at me and says my name in the most disbelieving tone. I didn’t realize how bad it sounded at first; I said to him, “what, would you rather I lied to her?” Which was another wrong thing to say. I went to the bathroom and apologized to her, which she accepted. It still sticks in my mind, though.

Eeek!

Not too long ago some friends and I were at dinner and it was a shared table at an event and not surprisingly our conversation turned to sex and then sex toys. We were discussing some of the local sex toy shops and then we got to talking about specific toys/products. Well one friend says something about a particular object that caught her eye, and I blurted out " Oh yeah! The harness with the red metallic finish? We love that one!..um." It wasn’t THAT embarrassing with my friends, we giggled, but I looked across at the others at our table and they looked perfectly shocked. So we odered more drinks and moved on to bathroom humor! much more acceptable.

I just did this today. I was getting on the elevator in my office just as a woman was getting off and she looked slightly confused and asked me ‘Is this the 4th floor?’ I told her yes it was and she walked away. As the elevator doors started to close I said “you’re welcome” and heard her answer “Thank you”.

I felt really bad correcting someone elses ettiquite that way, ah well

My grandma has something like 8 brothers and sisters, and 3 of them have died of cancer (one was on the verge of dying when I said this). So of course there’s alot of worry that cancer runs in her family.*

We were discussing her chronic back pain and I was urging her to go see a doctor that’s not a chiropractor, because “it could be something like nerve damage, kidney problems or even CANCER”…my aunt gave me this look like “jesus why don’t you just stick a knife in her heart and get it over with?” I guess that’s not a good thing to say to an old lady who’s family is dropping like flies from “the big C.”
*she’s my step-grandma and we’ve got no common blood. thanks for your concern, tho.

I don’t tend to do this too much, but I can’t resist dropping my husband in it…

We’re at a restaurant with three other couples. My husband and another guy are discussing hair and my husband starts talking about how his dad went grey quite young, so he expects the same to happen to him. He then starts saying “But that’s OK, I don’t mind, at least…”

and I’m cringing cos I know what he’s going to say next…

“…at least I’ll never go bald!”

Which, in itself, is not too horrendous a statement.

However, when the other two guys we are dining with are both completely baldies, it becomes something of a social faux pas!

Then, just to really top things off, he comes out with the classic “Ow, why did you kick me?”!