Yes, I am thinking of a certain threadin GD started by someone else.
But I don’t feel like arguing philosophy; I don’t feel like debating the meaning of the words unconditional or love. I’m just interested in getting Dopers to talk about times they have loved another person unconditionally, by their own definition; or times when Dopers have been the recipients of such love.
I’ll start with my little sister. We disagree on most of the major metaphysical issues; we have very little in common other than growing up in the same house – well, that and always feeling out of place in that house. But among the few things I am certain of is that nothing I can do will make her love me less; and I know nothing she ever does will make me love her less.
My little sister-in-law, who came into my life when she was 12. Prior to meeting her, I was afraid to have children; didn’t think I knew how to love like that. Her parents had just begun the divorce from hell and were so fixated on hurting one another they ignored her needs for the majority of her adolescence. My husband and I spent a lot of time trying to look out for her as best we could. She was getting involved in some pretty destructive behavior as a teen. One parent (FIL) used this behavior to villainize his daughter, while the other parent (MIL) ignored and rationalized it without consequence. We were stuck with damage control.
I’ve never been a parent, so I can’t claim parental love. All I know is that I’ve never felt more strongly committed to any child as I feel about her, and I no longer doubt for a second my ability to love a child unconditionally. My love for her feels limitless. She’s 19 now, but that girl is my heart and soul and if it became necessary, I would sacrifice whatever necessary, without hesitation, to ensure her well-being. I mean changing my job, moving cross-country, losing a limb… whatever.
My little sister. About a year after my sister was born, my mom had some serious health issues, and those lasted for a couple years. My mom was in and out of hospitals, and when she was home, she was very absent. I, an 8-10 year old girl (I was 8 when it started, 10 when my mom came around) really took care of my little sister. My dad was either teaching night school or visiting my mom and in general, not there. So I was the one getting up in the night to change her. I was the one reading to her before bed.
From then on, we were super close. We went through a phase when I was too cool for her, but I’ve always loved my sister dearly. She is one of my soul mates and we deeply love each other. She has stopped me from killing myself when I was really low in high school and I love her with everything.
I was also not sure what kind of mother I would be…I was always impatient, quick to anger, judgemental…not traits you would want in a mom.
She changed me.
I won’t say I am the perfect mom, I have made mistakes, but the all-consuming love I feel for her is unlike anything I felt ever before. I work to be a better woman so I can be a better example, I work hard to be a better human to make this planet a little better for her.
My children, absolutely. I wish I could say that I felt that way about my husband and the rest of my family. With my husband, there would be very little that would cause me not to love him, but there’s always a “but,” so I couldn’t say with 100% accuracy that I love him unconditionally. With my family (meaning, mom, dad, sister, aunts, uncles, etc.), my sister is the closest I’d come to loving unconditionally. I loved my grandmother unconditionally, but she passed away in 2000.
Like others have posted, I can easily say that I love my children unconditionally. From the first moment of their lives, I was immediately and totally smitten. I can’t imagine myself or my life without them.
That’s not to say that I don’t/won’t have moments when I dislike them. The two older kids are becoming moody adolescents, and they regularly drive me completely insane. (The youngest is still only two weeks old, so the new still hasn’t worn off of her. She will eventually make me crazy, and we will disagree and I will use phrases like “Because I said so” and “If everyone else jumped off a bridge.” But for now, it’s just the purest, most intense, and most uncomplicated love ever. From the first moment I held her in my arms, I was absolutely head over heels.)
As for people other than my children? I love my mother and my brother unconditionally. I might not always like what they do, or choices they make, but I love them without reserve and always will. I felt the same way about my father, both grandfathers, my paternal grandmother, my great-grandmother, and my late sister. And all of those people feel/felt the same way about me. I’m a lucky woman, and I know that!
I can imagine circumstances that would change my feelings toward my husband, but those scenarios are highly unlikely. Hurting one of my children would be the only thing I could think of that would cause me to “fall out of love” with him. And he knows that - I warned him from the very beginning of our relationship that my responsibility to my children would outweigh my love for him until the kids are adults. I think my husband’s feelings toward me are the same - I could admit anything to him, short of hurting someone or something more helpless than myself (i.e. a child or a pet,) and he would love me, regardless of how much or how little he liked me.