I sat in the middle seat between John Prine and Tom Waits on a flight (they are both too low key for first class), they both said that they had never met someone with such insight into their music. They then both agreed to put covers of Amazing Grace on their next albums and said they would consider working together, but only if I produce the album. We are in negotiations.
You know, I completely misread the OP. That’s a true story (and so is the post I’m quoting).
I was the model for Dick Cheney’s man-sized safe.
Sharp knees. But one of the top 100 was twins, so that kind of counts as the 100th.
I was flying from Dubai to Sydney, Emirates Airlines Bizzness class. All the stewardesses were excited because the pouting and fragrant Miss Kylie Minogue was sharing the cabin.
Somewhere over the Indian Ocean feeling ‘well relaxed’ I found myself standing next to the diminutive diva
me: Hi Kylie I watched you and your sister last month on the Brit awards!
Princess K: oh yeah? it was awesome we really enjoyed it!
me: Yup me too! Danni was looking hot!
Awesome Antipodean: Fuck off!
Me: 
This may not be entirely bogus;);
Next time shoot him someplace vital. Everybody can do without revenge.
I gave Tina Fey her scar.
I was Kate Winslet’s waiter at a four star restaurant in Washington. She put away a lot of lobster and Cristal. When I presented her with the bill, she fumed: “Don’t you know who I am? I AM KATE WINSLET AND I DO NOT PAY FOR MEALS!” Honest, we never would’ve comped her if her boob wasn’t hanging out.
One time while I was getting shitfaced drunk at a bar, I sat between two women who looked so much alike I thought they were twins. Turns out one was from Alaska and had some government job, and the other was a struggling NYC comedian.
I might have been seeing double or maybe I hallucinated the whole thing.
[irrelevant aside] “It’s a fair cop” [/ia, channeling Monty Python]
Muahaha.
Well, I killed Wilford Brimley with Lisa Kudrow’s bare feet. Top that!
Every few months I fly to New York to assist Steve Buscemi in hiding gold coins under the roots of trees in Central Park. There has to be over $300,000 worth in there already.
I’ve also watched William Forsyth emerge from the sea in Cabo San Lucas with a full grown live shark under each arm.
When Johnny Cash shot a man in Reno just to watch him die…that was me.
When I was a kid my family vacationed at a small resort in northern (but not Upper Penisula) Michigan. Soupy Sales was performing and offered to autograph my cat (not my 8-year-old pussy, thankfully). I turned him down.
StG
(Actually a true story)
Nope, Gelfling- why do you think they only made one movie?
(Other than that the first one was pretty to look at but sucked when you thought about it for five minutes.)
Did Siskel ever get his call through?
I was Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio’s fluffer on the set of Revolutionary Road.
Kate Winslet has a penis? I never knew that.
Good point, if I ever get the chance again, I’ll take the head shot.
Did I ever mention the time Pete Seeger told my brother and I and several of our friends **“not to worry about getting arrested” **when it comes to cleaning up the environment? Did I mention it was on an 1800’s iron hull sailing vessel that was at South Street Seaport but not open to the public? Did I mention that I got to South Street Seaport via a leaky old wooden miniature Skip Jack on Halloween Night? Did I mention that night we collectively won a special mention and more importantly free beers for costumes as Irish Rastafarians and yet we were not dressed in Costumes? This was only after leaving one of the best bars in NYC with bras and ties all over the rafters and hanging of a moose because they did not serve Budweiser and one of our crew loved Bud too much to stay? Want to know the real kicker? I am not making this one up.
Adam Baldwin and I were at a bar the other night. We managed to get into a tussle with some of the other patrons.
Bob Barker tried to neuter me.
Twice.