That last one of yours is the first so far to make me belly laugh, Auntbeast. 
Auntbeast is not only an Aquatic Intercourse Technician but a Stochastic Distribution Coordinator too!
I am currently a Sonic/Optic Transmission Analyst, but hope to become a Codex Architect.
Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager (What?! You don’t watch The Office?)
The lead at my last job lobbied for title changes pretty much nonstop. Before I got there, the position was 1. Copy Clerk then 2. Blueprint Clerk. When I got there, I was called a “Development Clerk”. He wanted to get it changed to “Data Analyst”. We really did a lot more than our job title indicated, but even I thought “data analyst” was ridiculous. Mostly because the more I looked at the word “analyst”, the more I thought about shoving data up the collective ass of the company. Preferably in the form of extraneous J-size drawings the engineers kept sending to the plotter.
So does that mean a hooker would be a, “Intimate Sexual Relations Analyst”?
I’m a magician who works on the side, so I must be a, “Semi-Professional Magical Arts Production Technician”.
I forgot to add my least favorite. It is amazing how everyone you deal with on the phone is now a “supervisor.” As in, “Let me speak with a Supervisor.” and the response is “I am a supervisor, how many I help you.” As in, if you could/would help me, I wouldn’t be asking for a supervisor to complain to you about. I’ve heard rumor that call centers often just ask the next person over to act as a supervisor. Dunno about it, but from what I can tell “supervisor” at least in customer service is a euphemism for “Person who can neither hear nor comprehend the english language well enough to actually put it to use in the functioning of what their customers think their job is.”
I had to look up Stochastic. You are wrong. According to my clientele, it is ALL planned out and ALL personal. We are omniscent and only use it to screw ya.
We used to have a “Corporate Documents Supervisor”, which I thought was an amusing title. She was evidently proud of it, because she included it in her email signature.
anamnesis, the title “Software Engineer” is very common and perfectly valid for a lot of people. Your definition of an engineer is way too narrow. Anyway, many software engineers do have engineering degrees.
But all programmers are not created equal. As msmith537 points out, there are levels of coding jobs out there, and I agree with him when he points out that not all programmers are software engineers. Working on a web page, doing maintenance programming, fixing bugs… those are basic low level programming jobs.
But then you get into software architecture and design. When you create large systems, a huge amount of work gets done designing the system, creating specification documents, and prototyping long before the first line of code is written. This requires a skill set beyond just programming. There needs to be a name for it, and like it or not, the industry is standardizing on the terms “software engineer” and “software architect.”
In the US, the title “engineer” is not protected by law. I don’t think it’s a misuse to call people who are tasked with designing software “engineers” - a lot of the methodologies used are similar to engineering methodologies and it’s certainly as complex as any other type of engineering.
At the very least, it’s a title with some controversy around it. But it’s not a euphemism or a title designed simply to sound more important (ie, “administrative assistant” instead of “secretary”).
Not only that, but according to Merriam-Webster’s definition, it’s not even a stretch of the term “engineer” if you’re talking about people who design systems:
Main Entry: en·gi·neer·ing
Pronunciation: -ˈnir-iŋ\
Function: noun
Date: 1720
1: the activities or function of an engineer
2 a: the application of science and mathematics by which the properties of matter and the sources of energy in nature are made useful to people **b: the design and manufacture of complex products <software engineering>**3: calculated manipulation or direction (as of behavior) <social engineering> — compare genetic engineering
I agree, if you’re talking about a low-level code monkey, it doesn’t apply.
Horizontal planar fabric covering maintenance personnel utilizing a negative airflow detritus removal device.
Someone who uses a vacuum cleaner to get stuff off a rug.
There was a move afoot to call postal workers:
Business and Domestic Communications Onward Transmission Operatives.
They stuck with posties
Maybe I could be titled “Professional Supply-Side Indemnification Consultant”. I’m an Account Executive at a large insurance company.
That’s another thread…titles that are SO broad they could mean virtually anything. Seriously…“Account Executive”? I’ll bet everyone has been one at some point.
-Cem
We laughed when Purchasing got renamed Procurement since doesn’t that mean to acquire a prostitute on behalf of?
My father was a technical writer and editor at IBM and was called “Information Developer”.
Or Visual Media Evaluator. 
So is it safe to call those guys that drive the trains engineers? I think if you are gonna call yourself an engineer, you should have to wear the stripey hat.
I’ll wear the green visor, that I’ve never actually seen a real poker dealer wear.
I’m officially a “travel consultant.” In reality I’m just one of the phone jockeys in a large call center where we book flights for credit cardholders redeeming points for airline tickets.
I think we’ve mentioned this before, but I did an Information Developer’s duties when I was on contract at IBM a few times. In other places, I was a Documentation Specialist, a Technical Communicator, or other variations involving the words “information,” documentation," and “technical,” followed by the words “specialist” or “communicator.” When I went freelance, I could add “consultant” to the latter list.
I was a technical writer, fercryingoutloud. All the euphemistic titles in the world weren’t going to change that!
“Operatives” would be kind of cool–it has that James Bond-ish vibe to it:
Q: What do you do?
A: I’m an operative. A transmission operative.
[Cue Bond’s theme music.]
It’s my experience that nobody is called a “programmer” anymore, they’re all “developers” or “devs”. And their formal title is something like “Software Development Engineer” or “Senior Development Lead”.
Am I being whooshed?
You can procure the services of a prositute, sure, but you can procure a hamburger at McDonalds just as well. I’ve never heard of a definition of procurement that was strictly related to prostitution…
At least in dictionary.com, it gets its own line. And even the others are about using tactics or special effort to get something, not just to obtain something in a routine way like picking up a hamburger.
pro·cure
–verb (used with object) 1. to obtain or get by care, effort, or the use of special means: to procure evidence.
2. to bring about, esp. by unscrupulous and indirect means: to procure secret documents.
3. to obtain (a person) for the purpose of prostitution.
–verb (used without object) 4. to act as a procurer or pimp.
Somehow a more specialized verb became an industry word, maybe because procurement does involve negotiation and special tactics in obtaining goods or services.
Well I don’t totally disagree with you, and that’s even though I’m actually currently working on an MS in Software Engineering. But I’m doing that for the benefit I get from the education, and fthe benefit I get from having another master’s degree, and not so I can start calling myself a software engineer.
But why do you lump us with garbage collectors, and fast food workers? Is our work that simple? To be a good programmer takes education and years of experience, as well as continuous learning, even though no government body forces us to. That is something I think the field needs to address, by the way.