Share your surprising tales of pwnage

Cafe Society
1

There comes a time for every gamer that the Video Game Gods’ grace shines upon them, and for a brief period there is no chasm that the player can’t jump, no boss he can’t pummel into oblivion, no impossible head shot he can’t make. I had one of these moments the other day, and it was pretty funny-

We went to Dave & Buster’s in Milpitas. This is a restaurant/sports bar/video arcade. They have a Mechwarrior simulator game. The actual game looks like Mechwarrior 4, but you get to sit in these cockpits, surrounded by a dazzling array of status monitors and buttons, buttons, buttons. In short, it kind of feels like you are really in the cockpit of a Battlemech. For a couple bucks and change worth of game chips you can play in a 10-minute deathmatch, picking out a mech and duking it out with 7 other mechwarriors. We first saw this earlier this weekend but I did really poorly- 3 kills, 6 deaths. I was familiar with the game, which suprised me on why I did so badly- I was trying to hang back and let my gunnery skills land me kills (i.e. staying at a distance where I can still consistently hit them, but they miss me like crazy). The problem is that it is really easy to bum rush other mechs in this game and unload on them. Since this happened a lot, I did badly.

Back to my example- I played the game again on yesterday, same pool of opponents, same mech, even, and I did incredibly good. I got 25 kills that game; this was 15 more kills than the next best player during that game. It was one of those battles where people accuse you of cheating, because on the losing end, it looks like the player is cheating given insane accuracy, maneuvering to dodge lethal missile salvos, absorbing enormous amounts of damage but distributed enough not to destroy the mech outright, etc.

So have the Video Game Gods ever blessed you at one point?

2

From time to time, they shine down on my humble head…

I recall playing a Duke Nukem deathmatch against a friend of mine, once - I’m a mediocre FPSer, at best - and he was pretty bad. I was doing very well against him, as a result.

During one cycle, I managed to get the drop on him, my weapon at the ready, as I stepped out of an elevator at point-blank range… and nudged the Windows key, causing the Nukem task to lose focus for a few precious seconds.

Surely he’s turned and killed me, I thought, as I restored the window.

Not so. He was still just standing there, in the same position. Score another kill for me.

3

It was my frshman year at college (a scant five years ago,) and the big gaem on campus was Counter-Strike. Now, you must understand, I went to a nerd school. nerds like video games, these nerds LOVED Counter-Strike. I was pretty crappy most of the time, usually have twice as many deaths as kills on a good day. There were two big clans on campus consiting of the best players, Blade, and Caustic. I had several friends on the Blade clan, and sometimes watched their matches and HOY CRAP were they good.

Anyways, one afternoon, round 4-ish, I got back from my clases and entered the “main” campus server (there were obviously several, but this is the one most people played on, the others only had people if this one was full.)

So it started off like any other match, I was getting one kill for every two deaths. Then I noticed something. I was firing at a wall for fun (all T’s killed, waiting for teammate to disarm the bomb) when I noticed my bullets were way below my crosshairs. I switched to the moreaccurate pistol, crouched, and got close…same thing. The crosshairs were telling me the wrong place to shot!

Well, once I figured that out, I was the MAN. The mpap was Aztec, one of my favs, and I finally started to get a lot of kills, lots of headshots, too, by just aiming the crosshairs right above the enemies head. The next map was Italy, my best map, and after the match was over, I was the leader of the CT’s, with close to 30 kills and a scant five deaths. There were several members of both Caustic and Blade on the server, and the wanted to know where my new found skill came from.

Alas, it was not to last, Despite figuring out the reason I sucked a LOT, I never got as good as that day. Sure, I was certainly better than before, but I was at more of a one to one kill/death ratio.

4

Oh yeah, I’ve got one of these.

Playing Unreal Tournament. Huge level. There’s this one spot that snipers can stand and see the entire level- but they’re hidden behind geometry. The geometry can be shot through, and is only opaque from one side- from the sniper’s side, it’s completely transparent. The area that this geometry covers is fairly large- it’s not like there’s only one place to stand in that area to take advantage of it. Heck, about thirty people could easily hide behind that wall.

Anyway, I was running across the level’s floor, when I start hearing the sound of sniper shots hitting the ground around me. I stopped, turned towards that sniper area, and without zooming in, fired to just rattle the guy enough so that he’d have to move and I’d be able to continue running. Remember, this is from several hundred feet.

HEADSHOT! At several hundred feet. Unzoomed. Against an invisible target.

My friend was sitting there watching the whole thing. His jaw hit the floor. If I hadn’t been so dumbfounded, I could’ve pretended I did it on purpose.

5

Since nobody has commented on a typo in the subject line, I guess “pwnage” must really mean something?

6

Pwnage: A definiton

7

You fancy pants kids and your FPS’s.

My greatest video game moment was on WWF Superstars, which I used to play all the time in high school. My friend and I would play tag team, and would spend all our time outside the ring, bashing each other with tables, and then trying to actually win the round via time out.

So I was playing as macho man Randy Savage, and one of the opponents was the Ultimate Warrior. We were all outside the ring, and I ran towards my team mate to use Macho Man’s clothesline/lariat move on him. Just as I did it, the Ultimate Warrior moved so he was standing right on top of my team mate, and when I clotheslined, I got them both at once. But then, due to some bug, the Ultimate Warrior vanished entirely. I clotheslined him OUT OF EXISTENCE!!!
We still speak of it in hushed tones today.

8

Playing Starcraft back in the day. I am with Zerg, and my (much better) opponent is Terran. After a few small skirmishes, we each end up sending our armies on circuitous routes to the other’s base, and arrive almost simultaneously. There is no turning back for either of us since the time to return to base would lead to almost certain defeat, so we each forge on, destroying the other’s base.

I calculate my opponent’s return, and send groups to flank. When we meet in the middle, I am practically giving myself carpal tunnel by frantically clicking on many small groups of zerglings to send them on complicated paths and avoid the single file slaughter line that Starcraft pathing algorithms inflicted on the Zerg. My groups converge in perfect unison, and, in the aftermath of the epic battle, I survey my remaing forces:

One Zergling.

With 3 hit points.

It is in the early days of Super Smash Brothers for the N64, and my best friend Kyle and I have played it relentlessly from the hour of its release. At the local comic/card store, there is an N64 on which playtime can be rented. Several others are in the midst of a game when we arrive, and the victors are quite vocal about their superiority.

“Pretty good,” I say.
“Damn straight!” he says. “We beat everyone at this game.”

I look at Kyle. He has that look in his eye. You know the look.
“We’ll play you. You can even pick the format.”

He chooses a 5 minute time limit, and we watch as both of them choose a puffball, while we back the Fox and the Monkey.

After the five minutes is up, he puts his controller down. “Whatever”, he says, and they walk away without another word. We look at the score.

Us: 17
Them: -24

9

I’m running through a multi-player level of Half-Life and hear the distinctive “sthunk” of a crossbow bolt hit near my head just as I grab the rifle with underslung grenade launcher. I know there’s only the one spot on the map where he can be shooting from – and he’s got the high ground, so I just keep running forward, ignoring him. As I round the corner, a rocket whizzes past me coming the other direction. I fire a few bursts of covering spray lamely towards the guy with the rocket launcher figuring he’s got to be reloading… and I killed him! Whew. I’m up one kill on him. I duck inside to grab a health pack, step outside, and he’s coming towards me firing pistol rounds. I lob a grenade low and flat and it hits about a foot in front of him – two up.

I have the rocket launcher, but only one rocket, so I keep it stowed. I head towards the courtyard intending to outflank the sniper, and I see *the same guy[/i ] zip past me in an alley, and on a lark, I lob a grenade nice and high towards the doorway he just went in. I turn and head for the room’s other entrance, figuring I’ll flush him out, but… POW. He was just heading out the door with the lobbed impact grenade, and happened to walk under its arc.

There’s a chaos of killing going on around us of course, most of it paired off, and I can still see the same name and the crossbow symbol popping up over and over – that damn sniper is camping on my ammo stash! I get out the rocket launcher and decide to rush him. Laser designator off, I swing around the corner and pop my shot at him, then keep moving. I duck out from under the tunnel, and begin guiding the shot in … and That Guy comes around the corner towards me like a mad dog. I switch weapons, praying that the rocket finds its target, and begin running backwards, grenade launcher arced high. My rocket splashes against the side of the sniper nest. A rocket flies past me from behind and I strafe a wee bit left, still back-pedalling and lobbing. That Guy is learning – slowly, but gets hit with the second one. The rocket guy – trying to kill my sniper – runs forward trying the same trick I was trying, and gets a few shots clear. I’m out of grenades, but I switch to my designator and “paint” the window for him. His rocket sails into the sniper nest along my laser…

… and one of my wild high-arc grenades lands on him.

Yes, he technically got the kill on the sniper. But DAMN it felt good to be a gangsta, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

10

SOB

Ah, Battletech. You’re making my cry! There used to be a chain of locations called Virtual World dedicated to Battletech and Red Planet, which was a Martian Death Race. I lived, loved, and worked at the one in Indianapolis when I was but a lass of 16. You’re making me long for the days of Football on Wiseguy’s Wake, and those fabulous multipliers whilst dodging the Screaming Broccoli.
le sigh …

11

As I lay on the frozen hill, my squad eliminated, I searched frantically for their sole survivor. Not by the convoy, not on Central Peak… where was he? And the clock was ticking.

Then I heard the distinctive sound of an AK-47 bolt being pulled and without even thinking I whirled and put a 7.62 bullet through his chest at point-blank range. Try to sneak up on ME, willya?

12

Heh, back when I was in High school, we had a semi-regular Action Quake (A mod of Quake 2) tournament happening after school. I was playing a one-on-one match one day, my then 8 year old brother came over for some reason and saw we were playing and wanted a turn. He then proceeded to kill the other person 3 times in a row with almost uncanny accuracy doing all the completely wrong things, firing while moving, shooting with an unscoped sniper rifle, shooting with pistols only etc. We never let that guy live it down.

13

Its a bit old skool, but I made it to the very end of 1942 on some unknown date in the late 80s/early 90s. I’d become obsessed with the game and was playing it daily or close to it.

On the day in question, I was cruising with about 8 “men” left and just a few stages to go. The game had been going for about an hour. I had a crowd of 6 or 7 people (strangers) ooh-ing and ahh-ing behind me as I weaved my magic. But then things took a turn and I lost several men in quick time, leaving me with just 2 or 3. The crowd dissipated, not wanting to watch me die altogether. Shame then that my miraculous recovery and completion of the game (about an hour and twenty all up) was witnessed only by the guy who ran the arcade. :frowning:

The screen informed me at the end that I was “best of player” and also said “We hope next game”. Did they think I (or anybody) was going to play again after that?

14

Back when I was in junior high, one of the local strip malls had a video rental store that had a few arcade games along the back wall. My best friend and I would go down there on our bicycles on the weekends to play R.B.I. Baseball.

One day, as usual, my buddy chose the Twins for his team. I shrugged and picked the Yankees – or so I thought.

When my buddy was at bat, the names that popped up were nothing out of the ordinary…K. Hrbek, G. Gaetti, K. Puckett.

When I was at bat… L. Gehrig, B. Ruth. . .

The game ended after the fourth inning. Apparently, the machine invoked the “ten run” rule.

And we never played that game again.

15

I was at a LAN party (big, formal organized deal) and was playing Call of Duty.

Generally I get my ass handed to me by the twitch monsters at things like this but somehow, totally by accident, I found a spot that overlooked a bridge approach (chokepoint) and no one could seem to figure out where I was (no, I was not using any cheats). I sat there picking off people constantly for about ten minutes. I could hear grumbling and then protest around the room as others tried to figure out where the hell I was. On a few occasions the opposing side got very close to me. Some would come out on a balcony almost over my head and look around and I’d pick them off too. I couldn;t believe they never saw me (I was in some bushes but still). The howls of frustration was music to my ears.

Unfortunately I was not able to repeat that success. No clue if there was a glitch or what that let me get away with it that one time but it was sweet.

Another time I was at home playing Tribes2. One time out I kept managing to kill the same guy out of perhaps 15 on the opposing side over and over again. I really did not have it out for the guy. It just happened that he kept running through the crosshairs of my sniper rifle over and over again. Clearly he seemed to be getting a bit cheesed off over this and made it his mission in life to kill me. Thing is, I could see him attempting to come for me and would pick him off long range again.

So, the guy decides to get smart and take a circuitous route to get me. I see him leave his base and run wide around a hill. I would occasionally check my map and I could see his position occasionally as other players spotted him getting close. I timed his arrival to me perfectly. He thought he was going ot come upon me unaware peering through the sniper scope so he could blast me. Instead, I used my jet pack to go up a bit and hovered there. He never saw me do that and came around the hill expecting me to be there. He never looked up :slight_smile: . I peered down at him a moment enjoying watching him looking right and left and put a few spinfusors into his head.

I almost felt bad for the guy but it was a sweet moment.