I found out about 24 hours ago that I’m pregnant, and in fact somewhere from 17 to 20 weeks along. That’s halfway through a normal pregnancy and in the fifth month. If I hadn’t seen the doctor yesterday (thinking I had constipation issues) I might not have guessed for several weeks more.
Unless I’m hosting the Second Coming, the only possible date for conception activity was Sept. 30th, the night before I went into major surgery. It was my second surgery for cancer that started as tongue cancer and spread to lymph nodes in my neck. WE USED A CONDOM and it didn’t break. And we used it correctly. So when the hospital people asked if there was any chance I could be pregnant, of course I said “No chance at all.”
In follow-up to the surgery, I had seven weeks of weekly chemo and daily radiation. I was told to expect my periods to stop (and they did), to have nausea (and I had some, but not as much as most chemo patients), for things to taste strange (and they did – there were few things I could eat), to have fatigue (and I did, in spades), etc. All the docs emphasized that I must not get pregnant during treatment. All three of the chemo drugs they gave me are known to contribute to miscarriages and prenatal damage. What with that kind of scary plus chemo side effects, me and the husband haven’t got busy in the sack for a while.
Since the surgery, I’ve lost about 15 pounds. My weight has been stable since a couple of weeks after finishing chemo. All my pants are loose. (Incidentally, the ultrasound I had yesterday afternoon showed that I’m carrying really low – at first the tech put ultrasound goop all over my belly starting just under my navel, but most of it got pushed down into my public hair by the ultrasound wand as she worked.) My breasts are a full cup size smaller, my waist two or three inches smaller, and my hips an inch or two smaller than six months ago. I have no “baby bump” at all. However, the fetus is of normal size for this stage and the placenta and amniotic fluid look normal, too. I could easily gain 15 pounds, the low end of normal gain for a healthy pregnancy, and still think I was just getting back to normal healthy nonpregnant me.
Now granted, mine is a pretty unusual case, but I can easily imagine someone who has sex rarely or with protection, who has irregular periods at the best of times, and who doesn’t get that iconic basketball shape not realizing that pregnancy was even a possibility until seven or eight months along. Denial could take you another few weeks – amazing stuff, denial.
My PCP ran a pregnancy test just to be on the safe side “since we have the materials anyway.” I really don’t think even she realized I was actually pregnant because she did a pelvic, found I had bacterial vaginosis, and gave me a medication…when she called a couple of hours later to give me the results of the test, the first thing she asked was whether I’d taken any of the medication because it shouldn’t be taken during pregnancy. Clearly, it wasn’t obvious to anyone in the office that I was pregnant - none of the nurses asked when I was due or anything like that.
Well, yes, there was sex, of course, but here are the factors:
Several years of not-exactly-perfect contraception and absolutely no results or scares;
Periods every 3-4 months just like “normal”
No morning sickness, no breast tenderness, no cravings, no stretch marks, no breast enlargement, all of my clothes fit
Basically, none of the usual pregnancy stuff that I guarantee you would have had me saying “OH CRAP, I WONDER IF…”
Even my emotional state stayed the same and I had a few people comment something like “I can’t believe you were pregnant all that time - you never went nuts on us.”
Apparently not knowing you are pregnant is not that uncommon. About 2 years ago I went to the hospital and got an x-ray of my foot and they insisted on doing a pregnancy test. I laughed and told them I hadn’t had sex in a year and I couldn’t be pregnant. The nurse just looked at me and said, “We have to do the test just to be sure. About 15 percent of the women who show up here and say they can’t possibly be pregnant are indeed pregnant.”
I’m on continuous (no “placebo week”/“week off”) oral contraception, but sometimes my body just says, “Hey, I want to have a period!” and spotting starts and then turns into more of a flow. If it doesn’t stop I’m encouraged to stop the pill for 3 days, then start back up. I rarely have that heavy of a flow during these times. I suspect that if I were to accidentally get pregnant, it would take a very long time to notice.
As far as bleeding during pregnancy goes, there are a lot of reasons why a woman might think she got her period, when in fact she’s pregnant.
A subchorionic hematoma can cause heavy bleeding, that will fade to brown once the clot has stopped bleeding, just like many women’t normal periods. And it’s not likely to cause miscarriage or any other harm, unless it’s really large - even then, the rate of miscarriage with a SC is only about 1-3%.
Cervical bleeding is also really common (I’ve had some myself), since your cervix gets engorged with blood just like the rest of your body during pregnancy. Lots of things can make it bleed, including sex, a pap smear, or even just vigorous exercise for some people.
Plenty of women also bleed for unkown reasons, or at least by the time they get to their doctor, the reason is not able to be detected anymore - maybe a clot that is gone by that time, etc.
I was one of those in major denial. I was told in my early 20’s, after a laporoscopy procedure, that I would probably need a fertility specialist to ever get pregnant.
For the most part, I didn’t use protection and reached the age of 45 never getting pregnant.
When I skipped a period I chalked it up to stress at work. When I skipped another one I got a bit nervous and worried I might have cervical cancer or something. Possibly being pregnant was never a factor since I was so convinced, especially by the age of 45, that I would never be pregnant by to conceiving naturally.
What finally convinced me was hearing the babies heartbeat at the doctors office. By then I was past 3 months along
I never had morning sickness, sore breasts or any of the 1st trimester symptoms.
Is cervical bleeding like menstruation, though? I’m pretty sure what I believe to have been menstruation has always been that because it follows the formula, not just in when it comes, but in the fact that it’s accompanied by a day or two of cramps and then a few days of bleeding, tapering off slowly. If it was just randomly bleeding for only a day that felt different or didn’t have any cramps at all, I don’t think I’d classify that in my mind as a period. Though I guess people can be in denial and maybe cervical bleeding can mimic a period?
It could be - While mostly when I’ve had it it’s been really light and didn’t last long, after my pap it hung around for a few days of red bleeding, and then tapered off as the tear healed, so it’s reasonable, assuming you have a light period.
Also, you wouldn’t necessarily be lacking in cramps - they’re really, really common and normal during pregnancy, especially early on, and they feel exactly like menstrual cramps.
She did play soccer, not well, although she was the goalie that saved the game in her final game (with all the parents saying “no, not with that kid in the goal!!!” - it was like the Mighty Ducks or something). She mostly fidgets. She fidgeted in the womb, now she just bounces across the couch (she’s ten).
Here is the thing, not all women have predictable periods. Frequently women who don’t know they are pregnant are young (they haven’t really established normal or don’t have the experience yet to recognize abnormal) or “know they aren’t fertile” - which often means irregular periods. Some of my periods have waited six months to arrive, some thirteen days. Some have lasted two weeks, some two days. Some have had me cramped up so bad I’ve been in bed two weeks, others have been so symptomless I forget to change the pad.
I have also had great swaths of time where I am twenty eight days on the dot at 9:00 am on Sunday mornings, with two hours of pre-cramping for warning followed by one day of cramps and heavy flow, two days of medium flow and two of light flow…
(and now I’m pre-menopausal - whee! More variety in the “never know until you need to run to Kohls for a new pair of Dockers” cycle of life. And probably five years of "if I were to get pregnant, I wouldn’t figure it out for months.)
The spotting I got while pregnant was like a very light period - unpredictable timing, cramps, light flow for two days.
I vehemently disagree. How is babby formed? is the funniest thing ever. It should be worked into as many conversations as possible- appropriate or not.
Another thought - if I recall you are single. When I was single I was MUCH more concerned about accidental pregnancy. So my irregular periods were a constant source of stress - never got used to them. Later, when we were trying to conceive, I was constantly thinking about pregnancy.
I’ve been married over fifteen years, I have sex with some frequency, and although my daughter was a complete surprise, I never think or worry about pregnancy (husband has been snipped now, so no birth control concerns). As the risk associated with getting pregnant went down (i.e. married in a stable relationship, fairly certain I’m not going to get pregnant) my level of obsession about an accidental unwanted pregnancy disappeared.
I’ve had 2 kids, and I have had gas (when I wasn’t pregnant) that really felt like a baby kicking.
And when you would “swear on a stack of Bibles” that you haven’t been anywhere near any sperm, it can mess with your head. (Did I have sex in my sleep? Did someone knock me out with drugs and rape me? Did I black out for some reason?)
I think this is the operative phrase. The women (aside from those simply wallowing in ignorance about reproduction) did not feel anything different from their regular period. Cervical bleeding can look exactly like a period, if your periods are normally light and you don;t normally get cramps (as an aside, I have never had a menstrual cramp, I have no idea what they feel like. The closest I ever got was a slight backache that I could not attribute to any other source)