She wanted a White child from a Sperm Bank

In My Humble Opinion
101

Right, because the only commentary on this exists within this thread and this particular incident. :dubious:

But, you don’t have the info, and yet you are assuming there were no safeguards or checks involved. Sometimes, shit happens. It’s far to early to start speculating on how the ball was dropped just based on comments from the plaintiff’s lawyer.

In that case, there would be clear direct and indirect damages. Again, what damages are there in this case?

Please don’t be condescending. I have a fairly decent grasp of the law and that is not really how lawsuits work. I cannot expect to sue McDonald’s and win when they screw up my order. You cannot expect a windfall if a waiter spills a drink on you. That’s generally not how things work. You need to show HOW you were damaged, and you need to JUSTIFY the amount you are asking for.

The comment about punitive damages is just not likely either given there has been no evidence there was gross misconduct or fraud or extreme negligence here. Punitive damages are generally not awarded for breach of contract (assuming they go that route). Additionally, the SC has ruled to limit the ratio between compensatory and punitive awards. Given she has not outlined any actual damages beyond the fact that she might have to move, the likelihood of a windfall punitive award are slim, and IMO, not justified.

No, it’s not really hoe the US tort system works. If your son is killed, you have clear damages for which you can be recompensed. What harm exactly is suffered from having a biracial kid when you didn’t intent to? Is that kid worth less? Will she require more expensive care? Maybe you can justify some of that, and if she can, good for her. However, you just don’t get money because someone screwed up without demonstrating how that mistake made you worse off.

This is simplistically naive.

Okay, but do you really think she is suing for the cost of a Uhaul and some moving men? She is suing for $50k+. What exactly justifies that amount? Yes, I get she was expecting one thing and got something she sees as worse for a variety or reasons. The question is, is it demonstrably worse, why is it worse, and how could she be made whole.

The ugly undercurrent permeating this whole thing is the fact that the root of her anger and issues seems to be that the child is Black; not that she got the “wrong” sperm. While the former is a consequence of the latter, he basis for the magnitude of her claims seems to rest on social ramifications that are largely speculative and greatly exaggerated.

Right. But I think she got a refund. If you want to view it as a bloodless breach of contract, all of this other stuff has no place.

102

Simple question:
If she is doing this because of race, what law is she breaking? What law would apply to not give her additional $$$ over & above a total refund?

Not making a moral comment nor do I want to get into one about that but what would be legally wrong with putting the child up for adoption?

103

Frankly, they apparently found out in the second trimester - if they were racists, they could have aborted and tried again. (Not a moral comment, just pointing out that twice they made the choice that this bi-racial child was one they wanted - when they chose not to abort and when they chose not to place her for adoption).

104

The fact that a toddler’s hair is mentioned at all as a hardship suggests to me the plaintiff is grasping at straws, and so I’m inclined to see the rest of her claims as trumped up foolishness.

As a owner of a head full of Africanized curls that happens to also be quite long and thick, I assure you that while there are challenges to maintaining kinky hair, these challenges by no means require the use of professional services, long distance travel, or expensive supplies and equipment. They just require a little extra time, knowledge, and pragmatism. The mother could learn how to take care of her daughter’s hair simply by googling “natural black hair care” and reading the plethora of blogs that appear. Since when does a person’s choice to take the most ignorant and helpless course of action entitle them to damages?

The mother wasn’t guaranteed a straight-haired child anyway. Genes are funky things. Plenty of white people have rambunctious curls, so she should have been prepared for the possibility that her child would have high maintenance hair. The amount of grooming that goes into hair is an aesthetic preference, anyway. If I spit out a kid with limp, thin, bone-straight hair, sure I could spend lots of time and money on making their hair look like something it isn’t naturally (big and curly), but it’s not like the sky will fall if I let their hair do it’s natural thing.

I think the mother has a valid complaint about what happened, but I don’t think she should receive damages. Awarding her money because of the burden this situation has placed on her sends the message that she deserves to be compensated for the racism she now has to deal with, through no fault of her own. As if her unexpected loss of white privilege is somehow something that needs to be restored to its rightful state. And ironically, she isn’t directly bearing the brunt of this racism. Her daughter is. If anyone deserves money it’s her daughter and all the others in her daughter’s position, right?

Should black people be compensated for the racism they have to endure, through no fault of their own? Maybe this assumption is wrong, but I don’t think most people who support this lady are exactly clamoring for reparations.

105

It isn’t taking care of the hair. Its that when you go into a stylist that does white hair - every single time my Asian kid with course Asian hair gets to hear about his hair - and it isn’t like white people don’t occasionally have course very dark hair. For a kid who is growing up a minority in a white family, who doesn’t like to be different, every time its someone pointing their finger at him and saying “you don’t belong.” (And in my family, it doesn’t help if my daughter gets in the chair right after him and gets “you have hair just like your Mom - so pretty” we switched stylists a lot before we got someone who could keep the commentary down.)

My kid is pretty resilient and frankly kind of clueless to those sorts of statements - but even he has lashed out against them. And even he notices them - we sent him to a different school for a year when he was having issues - a school much more white. When I made a comment on the racial makeup of band (he was rather easy to find up there) his response is “got blinded by the white, Mom?” He notices.

I don’t know about black girls, but Asian girls in white households and communities usually have a more difficult time adapting then boys. The make EVERYONE ELSE wears doesn’t look right on them. The hair that EVERYONE ELSE can get to curl lays flat. The colors EVERYONE ELSE wears aren’t flattering. For Korean girls, their body types tend to be different than the lithe Scandanavians of Minnesota. I’d guess black girls in white communities have similar issues - I don’t see why they wouldn’t.

The practical aspects of taking care of hair can be resolved with a google search. The emotional aspects cannot. This is especially true if the community you are living in is not going to let go and is going to need to feel compelled to make some sort of obvious comment every single time they come across your family.

There are a ton of studies on interracial adoption - which this situation is closer to than possibly any other. And they all agree - you get much better outcomes raising an minority child as white parents if you choose a diverse neighborhood.

The article makes it sound like this is about a haircut. But my guess is this is about comments - both loudly vocalized and whispered, the lack of racial role models in the community, some stereotypical racist assumptions held by the community that her parents believe will hold her back in school (her blackness makes her lazy, stupid or disruptive), and their daughters ability to develop a healthy sense of self in such a place as she gets old enough to internalize these things.

106

How exactly did they find out pre birth their daughter was interracial? That one is puzzling me.

Look the sperm bank messed up, period. At the least they should have given her a full refund and probably also some money for the screw up, whether the mom is a vicious white supremacist or not the company messed up, and this is a bit more complicated then sending the correct product ordered. I just can’t believe anyone is defending the company, unless she ordered the “surprise me!” special she didn’t get the genetic material she ordered.

And yes the entire world isn’t NYC, let me see some of the whacky comments I have received.

“Is that your …son?” X hundreds of times

I say yes, in my mind I’m thinking ever heard of Occam’s razor? White guy with a white looking young kid with an afro, gee what a mystery?

“Man that ain’t your kid your wife cheated on you”

First time I said are you fucking blind? I really didn’t get this one, then I finally understood the comment was meant as if I had a white wife. Second time different person I said my wife is black asshole.

I’m not going to bother to type out the non-rude but awkward shit.

107

Right, but these are challenges encountered everyday by minorities across the country, regardless if they are born in a white family. I went to a predominately white undergrad and felt like a space alien throughout most of it. It was socially difficult and it took a lot of emotional grit on my part to pull through. Even today, I routinely find myself the only black woman in a room full of scientists and policymakers. Negative stereotypes abound, in real life and online. I’ve had quite a few WTF moments in my life, despite being better off than many others.

What to do about this, though? Should I sue my parents for damages because they put me in this cold, harsh world where I’m routinely overlooked or viewed as inferior because of my race and gender? It seems to me I would have as much of a case against my parents that this lady has against this company. She wanted a white baby and only deal with white people problems. Okay, understandable. If I had the brass ring of white privilege locked around my finger I’d be upset if that was taken away from me too (sorry to put it so bluntly, but this is exactly how I see her complaint). But unless she was guaranteed a kid that wouldn’t ever force her to manage prejudice, overcome social difficulties, or cope with an “unusual” appearance, then I’m not saying seeing how she really has a claim for damages. Life happened to her, and life often is unpredictable.

108

If the contract price was the only measure of damages in an action in contract, you would be correct. But it isn’t, and in fact it’s generally only an appropriate measure of damages when no other calculation is available.

I expect the sperm bank discovered its error and told them it had sent them the wrong sample when it noticed Black Guy 5’s was missing from the archives and there was an extra vial of White Guy 14 (or whatever).

109

You weren’t conceived through a clerical error that no steps are being taken to put controls around. But you wouldn’t be the first person to sue their parents for wrongful birth - it is your right to do so.

Your parents chose to give birth to you in a community that I would guess would support you - they knew what you would face and were prepared to deal with it. White people aren’t - even the ones that openly choose interracial adoption - and these people made the choice to go with it - but they didn’t spend the year and a half my husband and I did researching the implications.

You were raised - I presume - in a minority household, surrounded by minority relatives. When you went to college, you were almost a grown up - your identity had been established - imagine that almost all white school as a middle school. And you - unless you were very precocious - as a middle schooler with all the self esteem issues, hormonal issues, and peer group issues that tend to peak at that age. This girl is being raised by white lesbians. Which isn’t actually unusual at all (the Seward neighborhood in Minneapolis is filled with white lesbians raising African American children and there are two families of that description in my church in suburban St. Paul) - but is unique in this community.

She’s already “the girl with two moms” in a small rural farming community. Now she’s “the black girl with two white moms.” That’s going to be hard on a kid. So they are deciding to do what is best for their daughter and more her to a place where she is less of a dancing bear and will fit in a little better. But real estate in a rural area tends to be cheap. Real estate in a city with a good school system and a diverse population tends to be more expensive. Leaving a job where you’ve built a reputation, have built a vacation pool, etc. is expensive. Moving expenses are expensive. Traveling back home to keep the connections with those relatives who are supportive of your daughter (and there is some question whether that is the case here - sort of sounds like the grandparents are part of the issue) is expensive. Should they get some help from the company that made these life changes necessary?

110

A clerical error happened, no doubt. But the plaintiff is trying to argue this error caused her hardship that necessitates certain costly lifestyle choices and coping strategies that she otherwise wouldn’t need to make or use. To me this a problematic claim because it implies that indirectly dealing with “black people problems” requires compensation to be made a whole again. This can be taken to ridiculous extremes when we consider that what counts of “black people problems” is highly influenced by one’s position of privilege and whatever racist baggage they bring into the equation.

Can you see my POV on this? That a clerical error might somehow entitle her to compensation over and beyond a 100% refund, when she isn’t even directly bearing the brunt of the “mistake” that was made, strikes me as slap in the face to all the discriminated minorities who are either essentially told to suck it up and deal with the cards handed to them, or fight for a better tomorrow or something idealistic like that.

If the mistaken donor had been a red-haired white man, and she’d given birth to a red-headed child–subject to all the ginger discrimination and sun burns that red-heads deal with–would we even be having this conversation? I think we’d all be laughing at the idea that this clerical error somehow means she needs to relocate to a whole new town.

111

Let’s assume this is true (it’s hardly universal…lots of kids in this world are born without any planning and preparation but that’s neither here nor there). I question the assumption that a white parent raising a non-white requires extensive preparation and research. It helps if you’re culturally sensitive and conscious of one’s own racial baggage. It also helps if you’re not Euro-centric in all things. But it’s quite possible to be deficient in these areas and still raise a capable member of society. Don’t mistake the ideal for the necessary.

My white boyfriend and I are seriously talking about starting a family soon. God help him he ever starts speaking in grave tones about preparing himself as soon-to-be parent of a Black Child™. Because I might need to leave the room. It’s not like we’re talking about a disease here that requires special accommodations.

112

I can see your position, but I disagree. The changes we have made to our lives as white people raising a minority child are not insignificant. They have involved choosing things we wouldn’t have chosen if we had adopted a white child (and we would have made different choices - primarily different neighborhoods - had the child been Hispanic or black) and spending time doing culturally broadening activities that we wouldn’t have chosen to do. (Plus, I’m now obligated to keep kim chee in the house :)) If we were Asian people, we would have already made those choices - or decided they weren’t important (and a minority child in a minority family is a different deal than a minority child in a white family). Presumably, your parents made similar choices with you - but as black people anticipating raising black children, it didn’t involve making significant changes to their plans. Presumably, they were already living in a place where they didn’t feel you’d be discriminated against (well…ok, as a minority or a woman or someone with a non mainstream sexual preference or religion - you never get completely away from it - but some places are less discriminatory than others).

113

Research on interracial adoption doesn’t support that. Most adoption agencies won’t even let you adopt interracially without a plan to address racial issues and showing an awareness. Sure, the kid could turn out fine - but statistically - don’t raise a minority kid in a white community when you are deficient in such things. The outcomes are not good. Suicide rates for people raised like that are higher. Drug and alcohol abuse are higher. My kid is sixteen - so its been going on twenty years since I’ve done my research - its possible that things have changed and that we are now racially blind enough that you have a better chance of success. I sort of doubt that - especially if you are starting with two lesbian parents - so you are already a dancing bear.

114

No, but the point is that having an interracial child will be his choice - as it will be the choice of my wife and I whenever we get over this not-ready-yet stage.

She’s not asking to have the child stuffed back in. She just wants the sperm bank to be financially responsible for a choice she didn’t make.

And no, raising a black kid probably isn’t nearly the chore she makes it out to be - but this is just how civil pleadings are drafted. A lawyer who describes his client’s cause of action as “kind of annoying sometimes” doesn’t stay in business long.

115

Because they are trying to do what is best for the child. In other words, ideal. Not necessary. If having a plan in place for handling racial issues was mandatory, then CPS would have their hands full. There wouldn’t be enough foster homes to accommodate all the biracial children whose parents are racially insensitive or clueless.

In this situation, we’re not talking about adoption. We’re talking about a sperm bank. If the mother knew that she was carrying a black child early in her pregnancy, then she chose to accept all the responsibilities associated with her child’s genotype and phenotype when she decided to carry it to term and and not abort or put it up for adoption. I don’t think she deserves to be compensated now that she realizes its harder than she might’ve thought it was going to be.

116

I don’t see why this wouldn’t be fixed by a refund.

117

You cannot possibly be serious. You are giving her shit for filing a lawsuit because she has to raise a black child. Can you even imagine how much shit she’d get if she had aborted the child upon discovering she was black?

118

I understand the argument that this shouldn’t be seen as creating damages, but hospitals switching babies has been a well-established basis for lawsuits around the world. The most famous case in this country resulted in a settlement of $1.25MM.

Note too that both girls there are white. Obviously, switching after birth always involves children of the same skin tone, but it’s still nearly always seen as a source of at least some level of distress.

119

Don’t you want to do what’s best for the children you are talking about having? And if those children needed something that meant an expense for you to get them the best from them that they needed because someone else was at fault, don’t you think they should help pay for it.

When my sister was in a bus accident and needed physical therapy - not because she NEEDED it - but because it was what was best for a full recovery - my parents sued the bus company to get it. Years later, when it turned out the bus accident had left neurological damage, it was nice to have the remaining settlement. It meant my sister could pay for additional therapy to deal with the remaining issues. Could she have lived without it - sure. But it wouldn’t have been for the best. Could she have paid for it herself - perhaps - but why should she - she had neurological damage from a school bus accident with an improperly trained bus driver.

Yeah, this girl could be raised in this little perhaps racist town. She’d probably turn out ok - but her chances are better in a more diverse community. And yes, her parents could bite the bullet and take on all the costs of moving themselves to provide what is best for their daughter - but someone else created this situation apparently through negligence.

120

This was my reaction first, that even if I had a solid case, I’d suck it up for the sake of what my child might later think.

Dangerosa has convinced me otherwise. ISTM the most realistic inference is the mom has virtuous motives, and I will only hope she spins it properly when she needs to explain it to her kid. But she is doing the responsible thing by upturning her entire life for her child’s sake, and the company that created this turmoil needs to pony up.