I would understand this line of thought if she had somehow managed to give birth to a dark skinned child, but this little girl is clearly biracial. Most people should just assume she was involved with a black guy. And even if she had ended up with a white child, she’d gotten the blond, blue eyed child she planned for, she’d still have to field questions from curious strangers who noticed that her partner was a woman.
If my husband and I changed our minds and decided to have children and turned to a sperm donor, I would want the donor to be black to match my husband’s race (I am white). I would be upset if a clerical error gave me the sperm of a white donor. My choice would be to have a biracial child. Taking away that choice because of a clerical error would not be okay.
What a bullshit excuse. First, any random stranger knows the kid was not the exclusive product of two lesbians, so the idea that two lesbians would have to explain a biracial child, but not a White one makes no sense whatsoever. Second, the kid is actually HERS. The explanation is pretty straightforward. Lastly, who the fuck cares what some random stranger might assume, suspect, or ask. She doesn’t owe an explanation to anyone, and even if she chooses to answer these inquiries, the answer is pretty succinct. “Did you adopt?”. " No, she is my daughter". It’s a pretty short conversation. That is, unless you think a lesbian’s choose to either procreate with a minority, or willingly choose minority sperm warrants some special explanation.
Again, do you think most people see a lesbian couple with a kid of the same race, and assume the child was conceived by two women?
I can tell you from personal experience that that is not a given.
I think it’s sad that your seeming cowardice is going to prevent you from adopting plenty of kids just because they have a different skin color rather then telling these prying strangers to fuck off. That’s not even addressing the fact that choosing to adopt doesn’t imply infertility. It’s not exclusively about you, it’s about hopefully making a better life for all of you. Your fear of what strangers might think or say is not all too different from racists in the past who didn’t want their kids fraternizing with Blacks because of that the neighbors would think. I, and almost every other parent I know, do not have the time or energy to dwell on what others will think about how my child came to be.
There are plenty of indications that she has racist tendencies not limited to her comments, the stated facts in her lawsuit, and her decision to move to a racist neighborhood. Once glaring is example of this is that their previous desire to get the same sperm in order to impregnate her partner with a child who is related to his/her sibling seems to have been aborted when they found out the sperm was from a Black guy.
I don’t think anyone is saying it’s OKAY. What we are saying is that she was not DAMAGED in such a way that requires compensation anywhere near what she seems to be requesting. Clearly the sperm bank fucked up, but that doesn’t mean their mistake put her in a demonstrably worse position. She is welcome to attempt to outline how she feels it did, but there doesn’t seem to be any evidence that it has so far.
So, your argument is that it’s not okay, but that she isn’t harmed. If she isn’t harmed, then it was an okay mistake to make, wasn’t it?
I might argue that dealing with the racism and other obstacles unexpectedly - having them thrust upon you by someone else’s mistake and having to make some changes in your life as a result - is that damaging. Which says something about how we ought to treat racism as a society, but since most of us aren’t really interested in doing that…
No. Why would that conclusion follow from the premises I outlined? I didn’t say she suffered no ill effects at all. I said she was not damaged to the extent she seem to be seeking redress. It would be like if a waiter spilled food on me, then I responded by suing for $5000 even though the restaurant apologized, and gave me a free meal and dry cleaning expenses. Sure, I could go on and on about how I was embarrassed and it ruined my date, but we all expect that at some point, we might be on the shitty end of a someone else’s mistake. Unless that mistake (and the compensation) makes be me less than whole, then I don’t need to sue for damages.
I don’t think having a Black kid, even if you wanted a White one, puts you in a demonstrably worse position. The only way that argument makes sense is if you think the kid’s blackness is an unmitigated net negative.
Blackness isn’t a negative. The way society treats black people comes with some serious negatives.
This is where the disconnect is for me. If she’s not in a demonstrably worse position, she did not suffer any ill effects. If she suffered ill effects, she’s in a demonstrably worse position.
Hmm.
In an alternate reality, Jennifer is suing the sperm bank for denying her of her white birthright and everything that comes from it. And everyone is LOLing at her.
I am annoyed that people are likening having a blackish phenotype with having a handicap that requires special accomodation. I’m not gonna hate on this mother for trying to milk the situation for all its worth, because you have to hustle in this heartless economy. But hell yeah the lawsuit is an insult to black people, who are told on a daily basis to “suck it up and deal”. Can’t find good schools for your kids? Suck it up. People hounding you on the street, wondering who and what you are? Suck it up. Racist remarks getting under your skin? Suck it up. But white lady has a black baby? Oh, that poor thing. Of course it’s not her fault her choices are all messed up! Of course she deserves to be compensated for the injustice!
As they say in Washington, the optics are horrible.
Well, I don’t want black people to suck it up, and I don’t think she should have to, either.
This is the actual problem.
The child has countersued saying she had straight parents in mind. (Can’t really blame her; you know how bitchy those women at black hair places can be about white lesbians hanging around outside- it has to make her feel unsafe.)
Ok, here’s a fun thought: If I was to adopt or maybe have a child in this manner, I WOULD NOT want a white child! Or a black child! I have no problems with either race, babies are cute in either race! But I’d want one that was Indian like me, or Chinese like my other half, or possibly mixed. And if they mixed up their stuff and gave me the wrong batch you bet I’d sue.
A cute little adorable black baby? Try and say what you like, but that would 100% instantly lose me all of the support of my family. That doesn’t mean black people are lesser or that I hate them, but that my family is old fashioned and racist and hates black people. So yeah, if I was initially anticipating support from them, I might want some money to move away from them and establish a life without the support I had formerly anticipated.
A white baby might not get me barred from the family but it would definitely establish me as the weirdo and the black (HA!) sheep. And I’d also lose a lot os support. I can’t change their minds, only my own.
So is that implying either color is a defect? I think this whole thing is actually wrapped up too much in race. The simple fact is, the agency fucked up, and should be made to pay for their fuckup.
Okay, but should we be compensating the parent given those facts?
Being in a worse position legally speaking as it applies to a lawsuit isn’t the same as having had something bad happen to you, or not getting what you asked for; particularly when you have already been compensated.
If McDonald’s gives me the wrong order, and I only discover it after getting home, something bad happened. I perhaps suffered ill effects. If McDonald’s then apologizes and gives me a refund, I am probably not in a worse position, nor have I been damaged despite the fact that I may have wasted time and gas to go back to get my order corrected.
You usually have to prove you have suffered a loss or injury that can be compensated with a fixed sum of money and that defendant is the party responsible for your loss or injury. Both points would be problematic in the adoption case in my opinion.
So when do I get my check?
Thanks, that made my day!
(And as an aside, I drive a little over an hour to a primarily black barbershop to get my hair cut. And I’m fish belly white. Long story)
Okay, but you have a problem with YOUR child being of either race. That is not really a particularly fine or noteworthy distinction. Do you honestly think that is more admirable than those who, “don’t hate Black people, but don’t want them living next door or dating their daughter”?
Your anticipation of support is not guaranteed nor is it a basis for a lawsuit based on actual losses. It would be like some rich kid whose parents told him they would cut him off if he got into a car accident suing the other party in an accident for his lost inheritance on top of car repairs. It doesn’t work that way. Your shitty parents don’t compound or aggravate someone else’s mistake.
But if their fuckup is predicated on race, then it’s a pretty central aspect of the case, no?
In the above scenario, the child would be black under the one drop rule, so the black couple could never sue.
BTW, there exists the possibility of her having a Caucasian child even with sperm from a supposedly black man. The Black man that donated that sperm could have some recessive genes that with her genes produce a white child that would definitely pass in society.
In an ideal world we’d address those problems, yes. I don’t think society has all that much interest in doing so, although there have been little steps forward in some directions (and steps backward in others). On an individual level, though, I can’t blame this woman for suing as a result of being thrust into that situation as a result of a business screwing up.
I say it is 100% your personal right to request sperm from a donor you judge to be Indian enough for your preferences (how ever you want to quantify Indian-ness). Additionally, if the bank makes a clerical error and sends the wrong sperm you have every right to be upset and sue them for negligence.
I will also say that if wanted additional money because now you have the endure the hardships of of raising a half-white baby (such as having to flee) I would certainly think your culture (or the culture around you) sees non-Indian-ness as an undesirable defect.