For what its worth, as a 20 year old male, dating a girl as old as 17 would make me feel like more of a dirty old man than Bob Dole in the Pepsi commercial with Britney Spears. I don’t even want to think about 20 year olds and 15 year olds together.
I dated a 20 year old when I was 15. It was a loving, healthy relationship. I have never regretted it. I was an extremely mature 15 year old and he was a not so mature 20 year old. We were friends for a long time before anything resembling a relationship developed.
At first my parents weren’t happy with the idea AT ALL. I had to fight just to go out with him as friends. But they grew to know and like and trust him. They also realized how foolish it was for them to think I would date boys my age. All of my friends had always been at least two years older. My parents took that and my personality into consideration and decided I could date him. I always appreciated that.
We were together for a year and were very happy. Of course we had the squabbles any couple will have, but it was a good relationship. It was a sexual relationship, but we sat down and talked about all the possible consequences before doing anything. He is still one of my best friends to this day.
As for the OP, I think it is a very bad idea for the girl to date this man. It may seem hypocritical for me to say that, but they met while on vacation and barely know each other. He does not value her for her mind. As the old cliche goes, he only wants one thing.
I speak with total prejudice as the father of a teenage female.
No. Nada. Nyet. No way. Uh-uh. Negative.
Some may have had relatively harmless experiences, but I think those may be the exception rather than the rule, and this one sounds like a tragedy in the making.
Again, NO!!!
As the father of a teenage daughter and teenage son, and as the grandson of a woman who married at 13 and had her first child at 14 by a man 6 years her senior (they stayed together until the end), I say you people have got to relax.
It’s very handy to have movie ratings so you don’t have to see the movies in order to tell your kids whether they can go or not.
But relying on the law to manage your children’s relationships is a pretty poor way to parent. Do you know your children? Do you trust them? Are they competent to handle themselves? Have you given them opportunities to handle responsibility? Are they self-aware? Are you?
Rules of thumb are terrible crutches when it comes to life experiences.
I see no problem with a 20-year old and a 15-year old having a relationship, having sex, or both.
If she has to *ask{/i] if she should pursue a relationship with him, she probably shouldn’t.
I know of a situation where a 20yo guy met a 15yo girl, but he had no clue she was that young until later. He felt wrong about it, and wrestled with it for a while. He decided not to do anything about it (to her frustration) and they eventually bumped into each other 3 years later, where they then took advantage of the situation. But he admitted that she’d also “really gorwn up”.
When she was 15, it wasn’t necessarily a matter of maturity, because a teenage girl will always behave “older” when she meets a nice-looking older guy in order to seem more mature.
To this day, I’m somewhat surprised at the number of women I meet who are 15 or 16 and certainly don’t look it (like, for instance, in nightclubs!). They enjoy the attention of college-aged guys.
In the meantime, you have a college-aged guy who isn’t really looking at settling down to marriage or anything, but he’s still got his ideas of right and wrong.
But then there are those that are not so mature (Perhaps the majority).
So, what I’m trying to say is I’m with the fence-sitters on this one: I don’t know either person, so I can’t judge. Personality plays a strong role in both people. Seems to me that if he has this nagging doubt in his mind about the age difference, then he’s not that bad of a cat.
As for the parents of 15yo daughters… what makes you certain that your daughter isn’t already sexually active?
(But that’s another thread)
-Darq
I happened to see this thread last night and I asked my almost 16-y/o daughter what was the oldest guy she’d consider dating - she said no older than her b/f - he’s 17. I asked what she thought about the 15-20 match - her response, with a grimace, “That’s just wrong!”
I was pretty sure I knew her answers before I asked, and I’m glad I was right. Then again, she’s my Perfect Child[sup]TM[/sup].
I know this doesn’t prove jack, but I do know a couple who started dating when she was 15 and he was somewhere between 21-23. They’ve been together 6 or 7 years now, married for just over one year, and still going strong. Both sets of parents knew about their relationship from the beginning and approved, because they knew the people involved.
Several years later, a similar situation was being discussed, and the female half of the above-mentioned relationship thought it was disgusting until she was reminded of her own past. Then she just laughed sheepishly.
I think we Americans are so brainwashed when it comes to even considering anyone under 18 having sex, particularly with someone over 18. I just don’t get what the big deal is. Teens today are far more sexually aware than they have been in the past, and Americans are too hung up about sex to begin with. These attitudes just don’t promote good mental health. They cause more problems than they solve. In Europe and Japan the age of consent is considerably lower than it is here in the States, and I tend to think that’s a good thing. It bothers me to see people prosecuted for what are so often victimless crimes. I’m not talking about situations where one person takes advantage of another (or worse), only situations where it was clearly consensual and no crime was committed other than violation of the age of consent laws.
I’m not trying to start a Great Debate here, I’m just airing my personal opinion, 'cause that’s what IMHO is all about.
Disclaimer: I haven’t ever broken the age of consent laws, nor do I intend to. I tend to date women much older than me, actually. I’m 29, my girlfriend’s 41. The youngest I’ve ever dated was one year younger than me. So lest you think my attitudes are self-serving, think again.
“Daughter, go to your room; we’ll discuss it later”
“Son, meet Mr. Springfield; I hear Venezuela is nice this time of year…”
i don’t know.
i mean, i really don’t.
the guys that screwed me over were usually the ones closest in age to me. either older or younger. worst guy was 17 (i was 18) and you don’t want to know how bad THAT got.
my friend is 19…her fiance is 26…they’ve been together for 3 1/2 years…mostly long distance, as he’s italian. and it’s the best thing that ever happened to her.
my sister is 17…her boyfriend is 22…together for 2 years. planning on spending the next 2 years together as well at college (he’s doing an MA, she’s doing her primary degree) and then getting married.
if he want sex…and just sex… he’s an evil b@"%$&d.
if it’s love…well, who can say.
Age is NOT a factor here. A guy that says such things as “give anything for another night” is probably full of it and isn’t someone you can trust.
Off-topic:
cess, it’s pointless to use only small caps if your username is capitalized. 
I started dating a guy at 16 who was 22. It was pretty casual - I don’t remember getting a good night kiss until after I turned 17, and it was only dinner or a movie a couple times a year…I was so naive I didn’t realize we were dating. I saw other people throughout our relationship (people my age), and, at the time, assumed he did as well.
After my 18th birthday, things heated up a little, we saw a lot more of each other (in both senses). I dumped him before the Clinton definition of sex occurred.
With hindsight, I now think he probably kept the whole thing casual on purpose to avoid the messier implications of a 16 year old girlfriend. But, in hindsight, I don’t think he was seeing anyone else during those two years.
One of my guy friends started dating his wife when she was 16 and he was in his 20s. Its still working.
Its always hard to tell what’s going on inside someone else’s relationship from the outside. Even harder if the relationship hasn’t even occurred yet.
The question - is he interested in her because she is 15, or in spite of it. Is she interested because he is 20, or in spite of it. If its both “in spite of” it might work.
Sorry to bring this up, but I have been there myself. When I was fifteen I dated a twenty-four year old, never went beyond kissing. I broke up with him after a couple of months because, frankly, he creeped me out. Think about it, a twenty-four year old man interested in a fifteen year old girl. I wanted someone closer to my own age.
I must have been a dense teenager, because when I was sixteen I met a guy who was twenty-one. I dated him about four months, and the funny thing is, my parents liked him a lot. After four months, he creeped me out too. I broke up with him. I can’t tell you why I was interested in these older guys at first, maybe it was the fact that they had cars and money. The important part is, I find it weird when older guys are attracted to teenagers even when I was the teenager.
Now I am thirty-six, and my SO of the past eight years is forty-five, but he does not creep me out, I met him when I was twenty-eight. 