My 16 yr old went to the county fair with a friend and the friends older cousin. The cousin and the 16 yr old didnt know each other and had never msged/txtd previously. While there, the friend ditched them and the 16 yr old and the cousin hung out, both alone and with mutual friends/family and hit it off. I could tell the cousin was older, but I thought by maybe 4 yrs. Turned out the cousin works in a trade I was looking to hire someone for and thinking they were just friends (not seeing any conflict) I hired the cousin. This gave the cousin and the 16 yr old lots of time to hang out. I never saw anything inappropriate and they seemed like good friends, finding they had many things in common. I came to respect and like the cousin, seeing what an exceptional person they are. After a while I suspected that my 16 yr old was interested (romatically) in the cousin. At first my child denied any interest but it became too evident to deny. We talked and it was clear the feelings were very strong. The cousin it turned out is 26! and had thought for a while that my child was 19 based on age of friend etc… It should be made clear that nothing had happened between them and there was no coercion or anything inappropriate save a kiss (which the 16 yr old initiated). My initial reaction was hell no! because of the age difference. When the three of us sat down and talked the 26 yr old made it clear that there intentions are to date my child but ONLY with our parental permission and if the 16 yr old and family give consent. I was promised no sneaking around, complete respect for my child and myself and a veryyy slow progression if given permission. ( I honestly believe this based on the person) Initially I was adamant that this was NOT going to happen it seems completely improper, I worry about whether allowing this would be detrimental to my child/harm them in some way, and what retribution there might be. The 26 yr old doesnt have any vices, is well respected in the community and has an excellent job and strong family. My child is an athlete and strong student who is going to go to college. I feel crazy for even considering this, as I’ve always been completely against this type of thing but they are so happy and seem made for each other. The 16 yr old is mulling it over, can I date someone that old? and they’re sort of in a holding pattern w/o any pressure ‘hanging out’ a bit in the mean time. What do you think?
If a 26 year old had sex with a 16 year old in my state, it would be a felony. Even just dating is creepy and to be discouraged.
I’ve been the teen, I’ve been the 26 year-old and I’ve been the family member watching from both sides of the equation. Maybe your teen will be the exception to the rule, but no, this won’t work out well for them. It may be beneficial to the older person for a time but it will ultimately be a hindrance to the teen. They’re at two VERY different places in their lives and there’s little to no middle ground for them to meet at and enjoy together. They’d fare much better if they were 10,000 miles apart rather than 10 years.
You seem to have gone out of your way to conceal the gender of the two involved.
Clearly this was deliberate. No big deal incidentally but would you care to reveal who’s the boy and who’s the girl?
Why is this the board for asking about jailbait? :dubious:
I don’t mind the asking about (potential) jailbait, but for Og’s sake, use paragraphs!!!
No, YOU should not date a 26 year old.
What if they’re both girls or boys, does the reduced chance of teen pregnancy sway your thinking here?
Nope
I’m sure there are some extremely awesome 16 year olds out there. But they are kids. Kids don’t make equal companions to adults. Period.
If this 26 year old is finding companionship with a 16 year old, there is something not quite right going on. Lust is driving the train here, not mutual respect and companionship.
My thoughts exactly. This has to be a trick.
Not really, no. It’s even worse if they’re gay. A gay 16 year old has even less of an idea about what a healthy relationship is- at least straight kids have role models to mimic. The power dynamic in a May-December relationship is even more imbalanced when they’re gay.
Not really. I was just asking.
As I was reading the OP, I noticed there wasn’t a third person singular pronoun to be found and realized this was a deliberate attempt to conceal the gender of the parties involved.
I was just wondering why since it couldn’t be unintentional.
I suspect it’s a regular poster doing an experiment.
No one could be this careful about the genders while confusing their and there.
It’s got to be a staged thought experiment.
Definitely playing the pronoun game.
And I actually DO think it matters, in that there’s still an inherent power imbalance between the genders in our culture, and I would indeed be more comfortable if this were an older woman and younger man. Not entirely comfortable, but more comfortable.
But either way, I’d tell them that that this is their decision to make, not mine. I don’t care how old or young you are, Mama picking out your sexual partners is nothing but icky, and I also don’t believe a parent can keep a teen from pursuing a relationship that they want. However, I would strongly advice they wait for legal age of consent in their state, whatever that is. If the feelings are strong, they will persist and even enhanced by waiting; if they don’t last that long, then better not to have complicated the relationship(s)* with sex.
*theirs, my child’s and mine, my employee’s and mine, my husband’s and mine, my friends who find out about it and mine… there’s more than one relationship which is going to get exponentially more complicated if this thing happens…
To answer the OP earnestly…
16 and 26 is a huge age difference in life for those two people right now. 20 years from now, when they are 36 and 46, it’s basically no difference at all.
That being said, I advocate for full legal adulthood at 16 and think people should be able to make their own decisions at that age, especially in regards to sex.
The relationship probably isn’t going to work out, but, what relationship ever works out when someone is 16? Basically none.
They will probably both learn something and grow as people. I don’t think there’s anything inherently “wrong” with the 26 year old, though.
Yeah. I bet it’s trick. But I doubt it has anything to do with pronouns.
BTW, when did you become an expert on gay relationships?
Welcome to the board.
I suspect the poster is too savvy and knowledgeable about our usual troll posts to be new.
Okay, I’ll answer the hypothetical; It is less bad if its a 16 year old boy and a 26 year old woman as there’s less chance of 9lb accidents.
If it was the man being 26, it isn’t bad per se but 16 year old girls might get too deep in love too quickly and very hurt once it is over, a 16 year old boy would just enjoy the sex/excitement.
If the 16-year-old is a girl, she can have an abortion if she gets pregnant. If it’s a boy, the woman can have the baby, he has no say in it and he’s on the hook for child support for 18 years, even if he is legally considered a statutory rape victim.
I wish I could say you were wrong, but this unfair situation has occurred too many times.
Still, in general, I doubt a sane woman would deceive a 16 year old into impregnating her, as he won’t be giving her much childsupport for seven years at least.