Shirley Ujest got pitted and nobody knows...

Yes, dear and faithful Dopers, Shirley Ujest got pitted, and a most bizarre pitting it was. In fact, as one might suppose when something involves Shirley, the entire thread was surreal from the get-go, and as it proceeded, it got worse.

Imagine a thread with about nine responses, five of which were posts by four different mods. FOUR DIFFERENT MODS!

Imagine a thread with a life of less than one hour that:
Gets moved
Gets locked
The OP gats banned
The thread gets disappeared

Behold the injustice! Like all proper Dopers, for years Shirley has posted away, dreaming of the day when she, too, could be one of the cool kids and finally get pitted. Then one fair night about midnight, it happens. Oh joy, oh rapture, right?
But NO!

Shirley is a morning person, and her pitting was removed from the knowledge of elves and men (women too) long before Our Heroine lifted her lovely face above her pillows and brushed out her enticing curls to face another day. Another day in which she thinks she’s still unpitted, and thus this day, like those before it, contains a certain lack of fulfillment.

Now she’s been robbed of her satisfaction! Pitted and she doesn’t even know it! Pitted, with no opportunity to respond with scathing comment or even the wimpy “cite?”.

Pitted, and she’ll never know why. Deprived of her opportunity to hand the OP his/her ass on a platter, or even derive comfort from the Teeming Millions that were ready to leap to her defense.

And what of those of us that prowl the board late? The midnight ramblers? How many more, like me, had composed a multi-paged, carefully worded and well thought-out post addressing the OP, Lynn, t&d, Skip or Veb, only to click “submit” and find that the thread was locked, then but a few minutes later see that it had been moved, and yet a few minutes later, it had vanished? Won’t somebody think of us?

Sorry you missed your pitting, Shirley. Shame the way it ended up. Now when you say: “I have TOO been pitted”, there will be no way for you to prove it.
I’d pit you myself, just to cover your embarrassment, but you know, I kinda’ like you and my heart wouldn’t be in it.

Cheer up, though. I promise you it did happen once, so you know it’s at least possible that some day, some time when you least expect it, you may finally get your pitting.

PS: Anyone who wonders why this is in The Pit, it’s intended to be a complaint about the actions of the heavy-handed, jack-booted…….

OUCH! STOP IT! I won’t……

Details man, details! Enquiring minds want to know. Who got banned? What did they post? What did the mods post? etc…

I think Shirley Ujest is actually Cecil Adams. That’s why the Pit thread “mysteriously” vanished and the poster didn’t get banned, he/she is now sleeping with the anchovies.

The only reason that I can think of for its removal is that she was pitted by a sock. Could we have confirmation of that? (Or, if I’m wrong, the real reason.)

I always picture her as a young Mother Teresa with a really great ass.

Allow me to explain:

Shirly answered a GQ with one of the most idiotic jokes I have ever read in my life. Here is a link. She was lightly warned by samclem, not for the joke being so lame, but for putting shit like that in GQ in the first place.

A guest did a fake Pitting of Shirly, also horribly lame. Fake pittings are also against the rules so the thread was locked. I am assuming that the guest was a sock so the thread was deleted.

Finally we have this thread as icing on the cake.


Well based on that lame assed joke the Pitting was well deserved…

yea IAAL

Especially because the obvious answer is GW Bush (or if you prefer, I don’t know, Hillary?).

Hell, no. Hillary is a diabolical fucking genius. From the left, pick someone like Mary Beth Cahill.

Whips the dunce’s cap off Michael Moore when he’s not looking?

Moore’s smart too. He declared himself the “Anti-Democrat” and then proceeded to weasel his way into the Democratic National Convention as a guest speaker, where he shilled for his schlockumentary. He was clever enough to use them to make some bucks.

I’m still mad at Shirley for that whole extinction of the dinosaurs business. I mean, couldn’t she have at least kept some of the cool ones around?

And humidity. I’m pretty sure she’s responsible for that too. It’s about damn time she was pitted.

Huh. I thought that we wern’t going to make swiss cheese of the boards history now. Ah well, double plus good I guess.

Multiple Mods responded because it appeared during a high volume part of the day and multiple Mods saw it.

It was closed, then moved to MPSIMS because it was an appreciation thread, not a pitting, and so it did not belong in the Pit.

Why it was removed from sight, I do not know as I had no part in that action.

(I also do not expect this thread to survive very long sisnce I do not note much in the way of actual pitting, here.)

I don’t know. It seems to be pretty clearly questioning the actions of moderators.

I’ve tried to come up with a complaint about Shirley that would ensure this thread stays in the Pit, but I just can’t think of anything.

Instead, I will pit sock puppets. What a bunch of losers. Get some therapy or join a 12-Step program or something: you need to change. Life is really better when one is not an asshole.

I can’t seem to work up much anger about anything today.

Can I pit Shirley for the hurricanes? How about El Nino?

Shirley Ujest got pitted
I saw this part of the thread title on the main forums page, and expected the rest of it to read:

…and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.

We need Straight Dope t-shirts, with all kinds of inside jokes on them. Like “Penis ensued for 20 minutes in 1960” or something. Or “What would Cecil do?”

I saw it!

That’s right, I was there, right there, saw the whole thing, simulposts by Lynn and Veb and Tweeboy wondering why the hell a closed thread had landed in his backyard…

Yep, years from now when my grandchildren ask about The Pitting That Wasn’t, I’ll be able to tell them I was there. :cool: