Shopping with the SO, for the SO: go with into the store or wait in the car?

[Grrr]

@Riemann

Of course, if you had done that, she would have been offended at the implication that you treating her to a cup of shitty coffee was an appropriate quid pro quo for the meal.

Did we date the same woman? :eek:

[puzzlegal]

@Jasmine

May I be of assistance?

It depends on our mood. If I’m going shopping with my girl friends on a simple “expeditionary mission”, the last thing we want is a guy under foot. So, that’s simple.

If an SO is buying his lady a present, it gets more complicated. He needs to escort her so that, when she is finally done, he can pay the bill and then say, “Happy birthday”, “Merry Christmas”, whatever.

The thing is, when you accompany a woman on a shopping trip, it can get tricky. You need to seem interested, but you can’t get underfoot or appear to be rushing her in any way. Often, your woman will cue you: “You can wait in the car or hit the sporting goods store, if you want. I’ll text you when I’m finished.” My brother likes to find a place to sit down and just play with his phone. This way, he is out of the way and in no way hinting that he’s in a rush, yet he is readily available when wanted.

A cute story my brother shared with me: My brother was with my SiL at the Orland Square Mall and, luckily, there was a small lounge area right outside of “JJills” where he could relax. Well, he fell asleep for 45 minutes and, upon waking up, quickly checked for his wife. He couldn’t find her anywhere so, anxiously, he asked a sales lady about her. She told him that she was in back changing and asked, “Should I let her know you’re here?” He gave exactly the right answer; “No, I don’t want her to think I’m rushing her.” He then went back and dutifully sat down.

Wait, why are you (or your brother) going to the shop at all if your lady will be spending ages shopping alone?

My husband and I do those trips by ourselves. The situation in the op only comes up if, say, we are driving past the drugstore on the way home from a trip and one of us needs one item. Then, it depends.

Last time, my husband waited in the car. And finally got frustrated waiting and went in to find me trying to hide my frustration as the sales clerk tried for the eighth time to ring up my purchase of sudofed. (Yes, she’d already run my driver’s license twice. I’m still not sure what the problem was.)

[begbert2]

I remember going shopping numerous times with my fiancé, often just things like grocery shopping or wandering around Walmart window shopping. We’d chat about various things as we went; it was like dating, but all the money was spent on things that were still useful after the date was over!

Admittedly we were engaged at the time, so we still had to pretend to like each other’s company.

[Ulfreida]

@Kimera757

If I had an SO at the moment, I would vote “3”. Shopping in groups is incredibly inefficient, even if two people want largely the same thing in the same store.

If I go shopping, I research what I want first. I’d rather not waste time going to a store without knowing how much something costs and where I can find it in the store. Needless to say, much of my shopping is done online. I’ve measured myself, so I know what my sizes are and don’t need to “try on” clothes; instead I can buy them online.

Shopping is like a military operation. You identify the target, you locate the target, and you secure the target. That minimizes time spent shopping.

Spoken like someone who really doesn’t like shopping. I fully concur in all particulars.

[TRC4941]

I rarely take my husband with me when shopping for myself. There is nothing more annoying than hearing someone loudly sighing and acting like they’re bored while you are trying to shop. And I hate going with him when he’s at a home improvement store (unless I’m needed to pick out a paint color or something). If we’re just window shopping or wandering around the mall, that’s ok.

[TokyoBayer]

@begbert2

I remember going shopping numerous times with my fiancé, often just things like grocery shopping or wandering around Walmart window shopping. We’d chat about various things as we went; it was like dating, but all the money was spent on things that were still useful after the date was over!

Admittedly we were engaged at the time, so we still had to pretend to like each other’s company.

For a while in college, I worked at a basket shop in Trolley Square, a small shopping center in Salt Lake City. There would be a lot of couples come through in the evenings, probably while they were waiting for the movie to start.

I could tell how long the couples were together. The ones who came in together were newer couples. The ones where the guy would wait upside would have been together for a while. Decorative baskets are not really high on the list of shops most guys want spend time at.

[Doctor_Jackson]

Depends. My wife shops, I buy. It’s a completely different mindset. We recognized long ago that if we want to stay together we should not shop together. That said, there are times that I will go to one of “her shops” and times she’ll go to one of “mine”. We both understand taht when the other says “I’m done” it’s time to go - regardless of whether the goal of the stop has been met.

[Shodan]

The OP says there’s nothing else nearby, so I would go in with her. Even with my phone, it’s boring in the car - I’d rather hang out with her.

I could tell how long the couples were together. The ones who came in together were newer couples. The ones where the guy would wait upside would have been together for a while.

FWIW we are a couple of weeks shy of our 37th anniversary.

Of course if there is a book store nearby all bets are off. Unless we both go shopping for her, and then go to the book store together.

Shopping for me, my wife always comes along, because once I went out by myself to buy some dress pants. Bow ties were on sale, so I bought one. I came home and showed my wife and daughter what I had bought. My daughter turned to my wife and said, “See what happens when we let daddy go shopping by himself?”

Regards,
Shodan

[RealityChuck]

I’d be terminally bored sitting in the car, so I go in where I can more easily find something to do.

[kayaker]

I go in with her. If she is taking too long I do not hide my sighs.

[control-z]

Depends on how long they will be. If it’s a short visit and the weather isn’t great (hot/cold) I will probably go in. If it’s a longer visit I sometimes go for a walk or just wait in the car.

[MrDibble]

I go with her - why wouldn’t I want to be with my best friend?

[Grrr]

@MrDibble

I go with her - why wouldn’t I want to be with my best friend?

Because not everyone is codependent?

[kopek]

I wanted pie but I’ll settle for GummiBears.

Actually it depends on a lot of variables; the store, the weather, do I have a book along, am I tired and maybe a dozen other things. I can be interested in a lot of places that hold no interest for me just by the people-watching alone but its a case of in-the-mood more than anything else.

[begbert2]

@Grrr

Because not everyone is codependent?

Liking people enough to enjoy their company = codependency.

I apparently have even more psychological problems than I thought I did.

[Grrr]

@begbert2

Liking people enough to enjoy their company = codependency.

I apparently have even more psychological problems than I thought I did.

Liking them so much you can’t do with out them for 15 minutes seems a bit over the top to me.

[Springtime_for_Spacers]

I voted to stay outside the shop because the OP specifically said there is nothing of interest to me there and I’m always happy to sit down with my book/kindle. I would also expect some consideration from my SO and for them not to take literally hours

[begbert2]

@Grrr

Liking them so much you can’t do with out them for 15 minutes seems a bit over the top to me.

That a different goalpost. You answered “why shouldn’t I want to spend time with my best friend” with “liking spending time with your best friend is a sickness”.

I didn’t go in with my fiance because I had to. I did because I wanted to. There is indeed a difference.

[Grrr]

@begbert2

That a different goalpost. You answered “why shouldn’t I want to spend time with my best friend” with “liking spending time with your best friend is a sickness”.

I didn’t go in with my fiance because I had to. I did because I wanted to. There is indeed a difference.

Well, I inferred “Why shouldn’t I want to spend time with my best friend” as condescending towards those who are perfectly fine waiting in the car. Maybe I read MrDibble’s post wrong.

Anyway, I apologize. I should have just kept quiet.

[begbert2]

@Grrr

Well, I inferred “Why shouldn’t I want to spend time with my best friend” as condescending towards those who are perfectly fine waiting in the car. Maybe I read MrDibble’s post wrong.

Anyway, I apologize. I should have just kept quiet.

I was more bothered by your argumentative imprecision than any insult.

I was a little concerned about coming off a bit judgy myself - I’ve never really actually lived with any of my SOs, so spending time with them always seemed to have inherent value. Intellectually I can see how if one was constantly with them the novelty would wear off, so to speak, but having not experienced it it still seems strange to me.