I feel like I have the longest job interview ever that never led anywhere. Guy lectured me about how to do the job for at least an hour and a half, if not a little longer, then I went home and of course never got a call back. Not even to say “thanks but no thanks.” I wish now I had just said, “I’m leaving” instead of wasting all that time to basically be lectured for nothing. Why did he want to waste his time yakking at me for so long? Did he really think his wisdom was so valuable that he would have been remiss not to give it to me? Gag.
“So you’re Norman. You’re going to take care of me.”
A pause of only a few seconds.
“I think we’re going to get along fine.”
—Winston Churchill when he hired his valet Norman Macgowan.
I worked in a mill for 15 years, making around 30k a year. I decided to go back to school, and get edumacated. For the first four months after graduating, all the job offers were for less money than I made with no degree at the mill. Wha?! 
:eek::smack:
Thankfully I held out until my current job came along, and nearly tripled my salary. 
It was for a casino/restaurant…
If they’d said it was just a door person it would have been more obvious, but as well as claiming it was a receptionist, they went on about taking messages and deliveries, so it looked like it was for the offices, not a night shift drunk wrangler.
I’d much rather have the 4-minute interview to establish a deal-breaking salary than the full day I spent threading through multiple DisneyCorp buildings and offices before finally talking to the actual boss in the actual building in the actual division that was interested in me, only to find out that they were offering a laughable amount of pay (not near what had been bandied about) for the horrible task (not the job as originally described) at hand. The reaction to the salary I said would be fair given the position, location and working conditions was “but that’s more than I make!”. That was when I knew the rumors about how badly the Mouse paid were true. Would have looked good on a resume but would not have paid the bills.
When I was in banking and going through a merger I had to interview for a position with the surviving company. One of the first, a call out of the blue, went like this:
Him: Hi, I’m Big Manager of New Company’s telecom division. I was given your name as a valuable employee and wanted to interview you for an opening in my department.
Me: Great! Thanks for the call!
Him: Tell me what you know about telecommunications.
Me: I pick up the phone, punch some buttons, magic happens and I’m talking to you!
Him: Um, I wonder how I got your name?
Me: I dunno, but it was great talking to you!
I did find a position in the new company as an Operations Manager, which is what I had been doing at the old company.
New MIT MBA applies for a position at our company. Somehow the recruiter does not ask about salary. Kid comes in for the interview. My first sentence after the pleasantries was, you know this job pays $69k max, right? Well it
was lovely meeting you Mr. XYZ, but I’m looking for something in the $150k range. And off she went. She ended up on Wall Street.
The shortest job interview I’ve ever had:
I showed up, the boss explained what the job was, then she said “You’ve got the job.”
She said I was the only person who didn’t turn around and leave when they found out what the job was. But I’ve had some really awful jobs over the years, so this one didn’t seem so bad.
"Hello, sir, I notice you have the word “the” on your resume. Would you by any chance be interested in … "
I’ve got one that’s both short and long.
I’d left my employer after 20+ years, got a pay out and did some other stuff for a while, bout 12 months of doing some home reno’s, bit of golf, bit of labouring work for beer money, then decided that what I was good at and could earn decent coin at was the same field I used to be in, so I started applying.
One recruitment firm got me an interview for a 4 week contracting job working as a HR manager. So I interviewed for that, got the job and went in.
4 weeks came and I was still there being paid via the agency. No contract, just a handshake 1 weeks notice arrangement. Anyway, after 3 months there they advertised the role I was doing to be filled ongoing. I applied.
A few days after the advertising closed, the boss rang me up and told me I had the job. Cool. No interview required.
So a little later I bumped into the General manager and he said congratulations and asked me what I’d thought of the job interview.
I told him I didn’t have one, he replied with a laugh and said “Bullshit, we’ve been interviewing you for 3 months.”
I can’t remember exactly how long it lasted but my interview for my current job was a bizarre one.
It was a job I applied for online on a lark, more or less. I didn’t even really meet many of the qualifications they were asking for, it was a data analyst position and had NO relevant experience, I didn’t even have the preferred type of degree. I NEVER expected to be called for an interview but I was desperate to get out of teaching so I was throwing shit in every direction hoping to see what would stick.
So I get a call for an interview and I’m really excited. I get all ready for it, knowing ahead of time that I’m basically not going to be able to answer any technical questions about seismic data processing or whatever, and wondering how I’m going to make a positive impression during the interview.
Well I meet with my now current manager, he shakes my hand, and then continues to just shoot the breeze with me. Seriously. The guy just asked me how I was doing, saw I had moved from Oregon to Houston and why I made the move, how I liked teaching, blah blah blah. Literally NO questions for me other than, “this job is offshore so you’ll be on a boat for about 4 or 5 weeks at a time with equal time off, is that ok with you?”
Now, the online posting was extremely vague and I tried to do as much online research as I could but at this point I still basically had NO idea what job I was actually interviewing for. So when I realized he wasn’t going to ask me any technical questions at all, or any REAL questions at all whatsoever, I eventually came out with something like, “So, this is all kind of new to me. Could you tell me a little bit more about what this job actually is?”
I must have sounded so stupid and clueless and this would probably be about the stupidest question you could ask during an interview. I was basically admitting I had no idea what I was applying for. But he kind of explained it and I agreed it sounded like something I would be great at and I was a great problem solver, etc.
I walked out back to my car thinking that I had just experienced the most pointless interview ever. I could not fathom what the point of it was. I figured they had probably already hired someone else (or were planning on it) and just wanted to interview me for kicks, or something. He didn’t ask me anything important, didn’t test me at all whatsoever. And then I got a call a few weeks later with an offer that was WAY more than what I had put down in my application for desired salary.
The whole thing was very surreal and very short.
I’ve just hd the surreal experience of interviewing for a role where I already have 90% of the qualifications and experience along with the initiative that is required, yet was bested by 2 individuals with no experience whatsoever, very much lower educational attainments or educational capacity and much lower personal authority - which is quite important in that role.
It usually takes 20 years or more of industrial experience to understand all that can be thrown at you as a safety/fire officer, and the 2 winners have just turned 20, and have never worked in industry. I imagine we will get more personal injury claims against us - given the highly litigious nature of our charges.
Then I interview for roles where I freely mention my total lack of knowledge or experience, the interview goes well and I get the job along with a significant increase in pay - yet other candidates were already doing the job for 2 years (jobs had been regraded upwards - hence the reapplications)
I had to apply for anything going my own job is being ended, as are several other staff roles. The regrading system is a real mess, setting individuals against each other - some such as myself had no future in their existing roles, and others have jobs that are secure enough but have applied for other work - thereby risking the employment futures of other staff.
I had a similar experience when I went to interview for a job as quality control manager for a construction project. I walked into the project manager’s office and introduced myself. She looked at me for a few seconds and said “When can you start?” Startled, I said “Um. . .today, actually.” “Great, $85K. By the way, the project is three months behind and it’s unlikely we’ll ever get it back on schedule. Just so’s you know.”
It’s not necessarily indicative that they don’t want to find good employees; it could indicate what the job is. Job titles can be a little nebulous. “Accounts Payable Executive” could be the leader of an 11-person team or just a clerk who phones slapnads who haven’t paid their bill yet. Just because the latter will be paid far less doesn’t mean they don’t want someone good.
The company paying the MOST for a given position is probably overpaying.
I know its been responded to, but I couldn’t help but think of Annie Potts role in ‘Ghost Busters’.
My shortest job interview outcome was much better. it, too, was telephonic. I was in Kansas the job was in Seattle.
Me: “I’m looking to move back to Seattle. I have a little experience in this field.”
Them: “When can you start?”
Of course, this was in 1978 and the field in question was rare. (Bone marrow transplantation.)
I did a phone interview that was quite brief. The guy said “Are you sure you want to do X?” “No, I applied for the Y position.” Something got mixed up somewhere. That was that.
Mrs. FtG was interviewing people for her office. It’s in a secure building and visitors have to be met at the door and walked in. Mrs. FtG gets a call that the candidate was downstairs waiting to be let in. She goes down there and the person is talking on her cell phone. Sees Mrs. FtG, etc. but continues to talk on the cell phone and ignores her.
Mrs. FtG walks away. End of interview.
Shortest job interview I ever had was a few jobs back. I had gone to interview at the corporate offices of a large home improvement place, it was a bigger city I was unused to so I had a lift from a friend. They waited in the parking lot in the car and I went in. I was shown to a conference room and asked to wait. Okay no problem. I took a seat and sat there 10 minutes… 15 minutes… 20 minutes… gee, interview was supposed to be 15 minutes ago. I got up and peeked out the glassed window to the parking lot to pass time. My friend was in the car and waved to me so I waved back. She started making faces at me, the snot! So of course I retaliated in kind. After about 4 or 5 minutes of that I turned around and sat down again, realizing I really ought to act like an adult.
Two more minutes and in walked a smiling interviewer, “You’re hired!” she said, extending her hand. Wha? But you haven’t interviewed me yet! Turns out they were watching me on video to see how impatient I’d get with the wait - they wanted a patient person.
I watched my ex-boss do something similar when they were interviewing to replace me.
Gal shows up for interview. All excited. I’m in my office, boss is down the hall, gal is sitting in a chair in our foyer outside my office. At 10:00, she gets up to walk down to boss’s office. (Note, he did not come out to greet her, shake her hand, personally bring her down to his office. I don’t even think he said anything to her, maybe just came out of his office and gestured at her.)
At 10:05, she hurredly rushes out of the office almost in tears.
Five minutes. To probably be rude and dismissive to this poor gal (knowing him as I did). Totally fucking unprofessional.
I wanted to go after her and talk to her at the elevator and tell her that she dodged a bullet.
Well that’s fucking stupid. The question isn’t if you’re inherently patient, it’s if you’re capable of being patient for money.
(Speaking as someone who’s a lot more patient waiting for interviews than I am in real life, off the clock.)