Heh. I honestly think this is why I am just not interested in looking for a new job. I loathe the interview process.
Funny thing is, one time I did actually say what I was thinking. Backstory – I was looking for a position in an office environment, and sent out several resumes. One company called me within 10 minutes of me faxing my resume and asked me what salary range I was looking for – I told them a figure about $10K more than I would take and point out that that is only so long as there are benefits offered, the girl said “hold on a second, please” and when she came back asked if I would come for an interview that afternoon. “Wow,” thought I, “could it really be this simple?” The answer is a resounding “HELLZ NO!” To the best of my recollection, the interview went something like this:
Me: “Hi, I am here to interview with Lisa.”
Receptionist: “Oh, ok, let me go find her.”
20 minutes later…receptionist returns.
Receptionist: “Follow me, Lisa and Todd want to interview you in the break room if that’s ok.”
Me: “Sure, that’s fine with me. I only brought one copy of my resume, though, so hopefully the faxed one is legible enough that they won’t have to share. I really wasn’t expecting to be interviewed by a group.”
Receptionist: “Oh, they always interview people together, don’t worry about it.”
She leads me into a (very filthy) break room. I sit down at the table indicated, taking care to not touch it, as god-only-knows WTF that sticky looking brown stuff is! By this point, based on the interview conditions and the facility conditions, I am thinking there is no way in hellz that they can afford me. After about a 20 minute wait, Lisa and Todd and Charlie walk in and introduce themselves. Uhmmm, ok, I was supposed to interview with one person, now it’s 3? Ok.
Me: “I apologise, but I only brought one copy of my resume, I didn’t realise that there would be 3 of you. I hope you don’t mind.”
Charlie: “Oh, that’s ok, we don’t need to look at your resume, really, we already did. We just want to talk to you.”
<insert a bunch of standard interview questions here, me answering like a dutiful wannabe employee for another 20-30 minutes>
Lisa: “Now, we really like you and think you would make a great addition to our team. We would like to offer you the position. It pays $7 per hour and unfortunately, we don’t offer insurance yet. We’re still a small company and are not required to offer insurance.”
Me: :dubious: …
Todd: “What do you say?”
Me: “Well, let me just say that I am truly impressed. I have never in my life been so impressed.”
Todd: “Yes, we felt you would be.”
Lisa and Charlie both nod approvingly.
Me: “No, I don’t think you understand. I am impressed with the size of your balls. I mean, honestly – I was asked on the phone what my salary requirements are and I stated them very clearly. I also explained that the figure was based on there also being benefits. I was asked to come interview – as a fairly intelligent being, I assumed that that meant that this position had the budget to pay me what I asked for. I was wrong. You cannot afford me. You asked me to drive 20 minutes to your facility for an interview, knowing that you could not afford me, had me wait at least an hour before even acknowledging my presence, put me through the interview process and then have the nerve to insult me by offering me $7 an hour?!?”
Right about now the 3 of them are re-thinking their strategy, I think. They are all 3 looking for something to say. I reached out and picked up the faxed copy of the resume they had carried in with them and the nice copy I had brought with me and began slowly and carefully shredding them into the waste basket beside the table. Honestly, if I hadn’t been as pissed off as I was, I probably would have laughed myself silly, it was such a surreal thing to do.
Lisa: “I am sorry. We thought when you agreed to come in that you might be willing to negotiate. We could go up to $9 an hour?”
Me: “Look, seriously, that isn’t even close to what I asked for. I didn’t say that I was willing to negotiate on my salary, what in the world makes you think I would do that? I wish you luck in finding someone to fill this position, but I assure you, it will not be me. If I were in a foul mood, I would be sending you a bill for my time and wasted gas. Might I suggest the next time you are interested in a resume that you be up front with the person about your budget before asking them to drive down for an interview? Have a nice day.”
My husband and I laughed so hard over this situation. Honestly, I would never recommend doing this, but it was such a slap in the face that at that moment, I just didn’t care if I burned any bridges. Of course, it was probably the most un-boring interview I ever had…