Worst Job Interview Ever

Recently, after moving to New Orleans, I have started to process of looking for a job. Something I haven’t had to do in quite some time. (At least not seriously) In my last place of residence I had worked at the same restaurant for four years, so I have been looking for similar work. I have been on some horrifying interviews. What is the worst job interview you have ever had?

I have two that fit the bill, but here is the first.

A few years back I was applying at a chain restaurant and was called in for an interview. Unfortunately, I had a stellar winter cold and had just drugged myself up with one of those daytime over the counter things. I went to the interview a little foggy and was thrown for a loop when the manager told me that “Blank” restaurant is really not about customer service but more about selling. He then picked a salt shaker up of the table and asked me to sell it to him. I don’t know if it was the medicine or the absurdity of the situation, but I sat in silence for a good minute before answering, “I don’t think I can do that.” And then walked out the door.

My ex-SO hit the boss’s car in the parking lot on the way in to the interview. Had a BIG production calling him down (out of a meeting) exchanging licenses etc. ; she’d tell a funny story of her coming to find out he was the hiring official. Both agreed job wasn’t “right” for her in the interview.

Same SO had begun calling the President of a Corp. by his first name in another interview. Which apparently was a HUGE no-no in that Corp. culture (she swore she heard him introduced that way). Anyway she learned later thru pals that killed her chances and apparently left Stick-up-the-butt Associates Inc reeling from the effrontery.

I interview folks all the time and am absolutely SHOCKED at the number who don’t arrive on time. Non-scientific random “impression” it might be as high as one in five of the interviewees being late, (and maybe as high as one in ten who are more than 10 minutes late).

Actually, this was my best interview, but no way did I come close to getting the job . . . When I was living in B’more, I saw an ad in the paper that a Private Investigator needed a secretary/receptionist. This was too tempting for me to pass up—I had a lot of vintage clothing at the time, so I dressed up like Lauren Bacall: Forties dress and shoes (real fuck-me pumps), seamed stockings, swoopy hat that hid half my face. I had an appointment early in the morning, so the sun coming through the venetian blinds cast great film noir shadows as I leaned against the wall and told the shamus that I was the dame for this job, that my typing speed didn’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. When he told me that, ummm, yeah, he’d get back to me, I replied in my breathiest voice, “Just whistle . . . You know how to whistle, don’t you?”

. . . Just think what fun, if the guy’d had a sense of humor (and drama!) and I’d gotten the job!

OK, I can laugh about it now… (All the names below are changed, and few details are given as the company is located fairly near to me.)

I made the mistake of answering a job ad in a regional paper. I can’t remember exactly what it said now, but it sounded vaguely promising.

When I turned up there were 70 people waiting for interviews and they were running extremely late. They handed out leaflets about the company, and did the interviews with 5 candidates to 1 interviewer. The magazines didn’t tell us anything about the company except buzzwords - no facts at all. In the interview they asked two questions to each person, and then let us leave, saying we would be called back for a second interview if we were contacted, lasting from 1pm to 9pm in two days time. After we left, the candidates in my group had a chat, and despite our best efforts none of us had managed to find out what the company actually did. Deciding it was a scam, we parted ways and went home, feeling well out of it. Admittedly, after trying to locate the company through Companies House and hitting a network of “registered offices” and holding companies which I had problems unravelling, I was incredibly curious.

Next day I got a phone call. Did I want to come back for the second interview? That was when I made the mistake of saying “yes”.

Again there were a lot of people waiting. One by one we were introduced to our “mentors” for the day, and told we were going off with them. Without warning, I found myself at the station with two other trainees and two mentors, and handed a ticket for a place over 1 hour’s travel away. Once we were on the train we discovered the dreadful truth. Door to door sales.

They told us they wanted us to do one day out in the field with the mentors to see if it was what we wanted to do. I already knew it wasn’t, but made the mistake of saying so to my mentor. He kept trying to persuade me to give it a try, so figuring it would be an amusing story to tell if nothing else, I said “yes”. Then he started chatting, telling me about his girlfriend “Sonia”(false name) and asked me if I was with anyone. Since this was supposed to be a job interview, I answered “no”. Suddenly he was telling me that he’d caught “Sonia” with another guy. The next thing I heard, while looking out of the window, was “Take your glasses off.” Thinking I’d got something on them I did. “You have beautiful eyes.” The glasses went back on and stayed on for the rest of the interview.

After we arrived, I went round with this guy for an hour before managing to ditch him (“Its not you, its just the job. Honest” I lied.) and encountered “You don’t need to lose weight, you look great”, “Are you looking for a boyfriend?”, “Is there anyone in your life at the moment?”, and the classic below. I have long hair and brushed out of my eyes:
“I love it when girls do that.”
“Do what?”
“Brush their hair back. It means they think ‘he’s looking at me’.” (I always thought it meant ‘I can’t see.’ My hair stayed in my eyes for the rest of the inteview.)
And all the bloody time he’s calling me “Sonia”. It is not my name. It is not even close. Its his ex-girlfriend’s. I’M NOT HER!!

Spending an interview being chased by dogs, savaged by cats, trying to pretend I’m not doing the worst job in the world, and getting hit on by my clueless interviewer. That’s bad. On the bright side I had a really interesting story to tell that night.

After I walked out, I found myself making my own way back, through a rural area I didn’t know. I have to thank the locals. When I mentioned why I was stranded, and what the job interview I’d walked out of was for, I got directions, a lift and bus times.

One small followup: A few weeks ago I was walking down the high street where I live, and heard “Sonia. Hey Sonia.” getting bellowed across the street. I kept walking, (as I said before its not my name). Except that, sure enough, it was my erstwhile interviewer. I didn’t realise until I was two streets across. When I went back for another look, there he was with another girl in tow and clipboards. He headed off before I could corner him and -no longer constrained by an interview situation - tell him EXACTLY what I thought of him. If it ever happens again, I’m going to report everything he’s pulled to his company.

And if this guy really did chuck in an Accountancy degree for a minimum wage, commission-based job working 1-9pm or longer, 6 days a week because it had better prospects, I think he really needs help.

I went to that first interview tirial. I never went to the second. I have always wondered what the heck it was for, but the dis/non information routine scared me away.

Lots of tales worth reading from the last time we did this:

Your worst interview ever

There was the time in college I went to interview for a positio that the company identified as simply a “driver” in its classified ad. When I went there, they were busy interviewing someone else, and so I picked up an application form and started looking it over. The form began with “Application for Independant Contractor,” and was really a door to door sales job requiring the pre-purchase of inventory every week. I don’t know if my name ever got called, but I would have been miles away by the time they got around to it.

Then there was the time I applied for a job as an intern at an architectural company. Things were going all right, until we went to lunch. Unfortunately, I am cursed with an insatiable curiousity about food without being blessed with an iron stomach. I ordered an avacado and chicken sandwich with some sort of interesting sounding sauce. The guy I was interviewing with later commented, “I thought things were starting to go well, when all of a sudden he just turned green.” I had to cut that interview short. Still, I did get the job in the end, so you could say it turned out better than many interviews I’ve had.

I’ve not had a bad one, but I’ve heard of a few at my old station.

When I interviewed, I had an ironclad rule…if they showed up late, I did not interview them. If they called, fine. But if they wandered in ten minutes late…the receptionist told them I had been called to an urgent meeting and would get back to them.

My sale manager had a woman burst into tears on him…her husband had left her, her dog had died, and her credit cards were maxed out.

I was at one interview for a waitress position where the manager kept turning back to watch the ballgame. I got up and left when his back was turned…I don’t know if he even noticed.

Red flags should go up if the ad doesn’t say bugger-all about what the job is.

If it doesn’t say, and touts weekly salaries usually earned only by lawyers and plumbers, then it’s certainly a pyramid scheme of some kind.

I once had a grad school interview with the girlfriend of the head of the lab I’d been working in. This experience (But how would you show that these results mean X, and not Y? Isn’t Chris (my old boss) doing something that would show X?) led me to form an ironclad rule: Never Interview With Someone Who Knows More About Your Research Than You Do. Ever. Even if she’s the head of the admissions committee.

Oh, but there are so many, many bad ones. In law school–especially at “competitive” high-ranked law schools–you can often have as many as 30-40 1st round interviews with firms. Even if you’re up on your game, you can forget which firm is which, who specializes in what, and other goodies. Let’s think of some good ones:

Int=interviewer, PB=PublicBlast

  1. Int.: So, PB, you’ve just handed me a sample of your legal writing. Tell me about it.
    PB: Um, I haven’t actually looked at it in about seven months. Damned if I know what it’s about.

  2. Int: What kind of law are you interested in?
    PB: Well, I’m willing to try anything, but I’m not really keen on litigation.
    Int: We’re a boutique that only offers litigation services. What do you plan to do with us if not litigation?

  3. Int: Which of our offices are you interested in working at?
    PB: Providence, RI.
    Int: Oh. We have exactly 2 attorneys in that office and don’t usually hire a summer associate to go out there.

  4. Int: Any other questions?
    PB: What sorts of things are you looking at during a candidate
    interview?
    Int: [glaring] First and foremost, being prepared for an interview. [evil silence]
    PB: [confused silence]

I never did get hired for anything. :frowning:

My first bad interview experience came when I was in the process of applying to go to Cambridge university. They scheduled me for two interviews with different people a few hours apart. During the first one I met a charming old professor in a grand panelled hall who spent forty five minutes tearing me apart with distressing precision. After that I had an hour to kill and so decided to find the site of my second interview from the poorly described directions.

I found that my second interviewer had his rooms at the top of one of King’s College’s minor towers. Entry was gained through a large oak door set into a gothc arch. From the look of the wood and iron bindings the door must have been hundreds of years old.

I waited for the appointed hour and then tried to enter. I turned the ring on the door and pushed. It didn’t budge. I tried pulling even though it clearly didn’t open outwards. I circled the tower a few times looking for alternate entraces, but found none nearby that even came close to matching the one described in the directions. I spent the best part of twenty minutes alternately pushing and pulling on the door, becoming late for my appointment in the process.

Finally, I discovered that it had been converted to slide to one side in the manner of a patio door rather than opening on a hinge.

I had to scale the stairs and explain to the guy at the top that I was late because I couldn’t open the door.

Needless to say, people who have trouble opening doors don’t go to Cambridge.

My second nightmare interview came soon after leaving the university I eventually attended. I applied for a Sys Admin job with a housing trust. At the first round of interviews I discovered that, to my surprise, this minor job had been advertised nationally and had attracted a huge number of applicants. They were batching us up in groups of fifty (!) and setting us an exam to test our logic and reasoning skills.

I took the exam and evidently scored high enough that I made it into the second cut. This was three groups of ten people who were invited to spend a day at a hotel near King’s Cross during which time were were to be subjected to more tests, interviews, group activities and general psychobattery.

Not long into the activities I discovered that two of the other people in my group were the current holders of the jobs on offer. After observing them for a while and seeing all of the little knowing smiles exchanged between them and the people holding the leashes of the aggressive recruitment consultants I came to the conclusion that the whole thing was some kind of experiment designed to test parts of their recruitment process.

I decided that there was no real hope of displacing the current incumbents and proceeded to take full advantage of the hotel bar during our lunch break. Over the course of 45 minutes I managed to go from a standing start to attaining a respectable level of drunkenness. I enjoyed the afternoon session much more after that.

Obviously, no job was forthcoming, but I managed to get a much better one not long after, so it worked out well in the end.

My worst interview ever was a referral from my best friend. The interviewer was one of his best friends who I had heard of but did not know.

The interviewer just never stopped talking the whole ninety minutes. Blah Blah Blah. He only asked me two very easy questions throughout the duration. Then he started talking again.

As we got up to leave, I came to the realisation that I had scored no points at all in this interview, that the interviewer knew essentially nothing more about me and my qualifications for the job than what he had known prior to the interview and I felt that despite being a good friend of a good friend, I would not be getting the job. But I wanted the job very much.

So, as we were shaking hands while I was leaving, I looked him right in the eye and said “Listen Tim, I really want this job. And I’m going to tell you right now why you should hire me.” I then proceeded to give him all the reasons with “full orchestration and five part harmony.” My aggressiveness really surprised the hell out of him, but I had nothing to lose at that point and I did eventually get the job .

I once showed up on the wrong day for my interview. On time, though.

tirial OMG - I did the same thing you did (possibly with the same company - can there be more than one that works that way?) – only my “keeper” for the first day decided midway through the morning to go into a diabetic coma!

My other worst interview ever was at a fairly well-known local company for an administrative assistant position. The interview went very well, and lasted about an hour. We talked salary, benefits, job duties, performance reviews - all the important stuff, all very professional. Then, the interviewer stood up, shook my hand, thanked me for interviewing, said he would call me - and then said, “Can you please stand up and turn around? I want to see if you have a nice ass.” I backed out of the office and ran for my car.

During the time when I was out of work and willing to do anything, I applied for a Warranty Claims Officer job with Gregory Poole Equipment Co. I got a call from the interviewer, and right then he launched right into the 3rd degree.

“Why’d you leave your last job?”
“I decided I wanted to move on to something else.”
“That’s bullshit. Everybody says that. What really happened?”
“Er ah…I had a disagreement with the president”
“Over what? Might as well tell me, I’m gonna find out anyway.”
“Uhhhh…we had an argument over rock teeth. We rented them out, and inventory records didn’t match up, and he berated me about it.”
“You left because of that?”
“Well, he told me if I couldn’t do the job, they might just have to find somebody else who could. So I told him to go fuck himself and left.”

He didn’t hang up. We talked for about another 15 minutes before he asked me when I could come in for an interview. [boggle]

So, I came in, and this scene would have made a good one in a Hitchcock style movie. The showroom floor was immaculately polished, and there were new models of GPEC’s excavators placed around the central lounge area, all kind of leering menacingly at whoever would be sitting there. The receptionist HAD to have been a robot. She had a headset and a tiny console on a desk barely bigger than she was. After I told her I was there to see such-and-such, she said she’d let him know. I sat in the lounge for about 10 minutes while she answered the phone.

“Good morning, Gregory Poole. One moment please.”
“Good morning, Gregory Poole. One moment please.”
“Good morning, Gregory Poole. One moment please.”

The same EXACT way each time, and she never moved a muscle. Finally I was shown in and the guy who I thought would be a hulking fire-breathing nazi turned out to be a short guy with a pot belly and a bland expression.

The interview went OK from that point. He was a lot mellower, but still got aggressive from time to time. He explained that he was always that way on phone interviews so he could do some weeding out. We talked about sports, the Internet, and generally shot the breeze for the most part. At the end of the interview he told me “Well, we’ve got a lady who did this type of job in Greensboro for the past 20 years, so I think I’m going to hire her.” And that was it.

My worst was interviewing for Harvard undergrad. I was of course a youngster and didn’t know much about interviewing; who knew you were supposed to present yourself in a positive light no matter what? I thought I was supposed to be honest about how I really saw myself. Unfortunately that was through a negative lens so needless to say she wasn’t impressed as I listed all the things I didn’t see myself acheiving in the future.

I’m a much better bullshitter now.

Hey, Knowed Out, I actually met Gregory Poole at my last job! (Just moved to Asheville from Raleigh). Not a bad guy, but a definite good ol’ boy.

Another good thread here about what not to do during an interview.

Have you ever been interviewed by somebody who hadn’t a clue about the job? I once interviewed at a division of RAYTHEON (now closed). I was eager for the job, having been out of work for 3 weeks…the interviewer was an idiot! He launched into a rambling exposition on why as a young and bright guy, I wouldn’t be interested in the position! He followed this up with a long-winded exposition about why he needed to replace his home windows…I listened to this crap for around 30 minutes, then politely told him that I wasn’t interested in his goddam windows, and that I had better things to be doing.
He got the message!-I didn’t get the job!