Your Worst Interview Ever

In My Humble Opinion
1

Here’s the thing. I’m terrible about contributing to pity threads, so it would be extremely hypocritical of me to start one for myself. In lieu of that, let me tell you a little tale of woe. Then I’d like to here other’s miserable stories of blown interviews so I don’t feel like such a loser.

I interviewed for a classified sales job (cold-calling) yesterday. I’ve never interviewed for any sort of sales job before, so I was quite ill prepared. The guy I interviewed with was no peach either. First thing he did was ask me to tell him a little about myself. I started to tell him how I’d moved out here from Maine, and about my previous jobs. I got about three sentences in before he interrupted me with, “What I really want to talk about …”. Okay, whatever.
“What is your sales experience?” - Retail only. An evil look comes over his face.
“Ok, how about a little role-play - I’m an HR Exec. Try to sell me an ad.” So I make up a line of bullshit about demographics etc, which incidentally, I know nothing about, we get into it for a few minutes, and he stops and says, “That’s all I need to hear for now. I don’t think you’re aggressive enough for this fast-paced, competitive office.”
My reply - “It’s fucking classified ads, you prick. It can’t be that hard.” Not really, but, oh how I wanted to.
So I stepped it up, and bragged about myself a little and asked a bevy of questions about the position, only to be met with a bored stare and a re-iteration that he didn’t think I could do the job. I felt like bitch-slapping him, but what could I do? I more or less, tucked tail and went home. It was so discouraging, I felt like throwing up.

So now, what’s the worst interview you’ve ever had?

2

Well, Jack, I must say that I generally do pretty well in interviews, and when I don’t it’s usually my fault. A couple of times I tried to be witty and ended up just looking like a complete jackass. Examples: for a technician job once, the interviewer asked me, “what is it that attracted you to our company?” Response: “Well, I heard you hand out paychecks every couple weeks.” He didn’t even smile, just looked at me like I’d farted while delivering his mother’s eulogy. Another time I was interviewing for a customer service position, and the corporate trainer or somebody walked in. The interviewer introduced us, and the trainer said, “Hi, I’m so-and-so, and I’m the one who’ll be training you if you get the job.” Response: “Hi, I’m John and I’m the one who’ll be ignoring you if I get the job.” Needless to say, I didn’t get the job. Some people have no sense of humor. Don’t worry about it, though, man - I know it seems pretty dismal right now, but you’ll find employment, trust me. You don’t want to work in sales anyway. Have you ever hung out with Sales reps? Oops. I’d better shut up before somebody calls me out in the Pit. Good luck, man.

3

In 1987, when I graduated from law school, I flew from Georgia to Colorado to interview with the Public Defender’s Office there. I had written a letter to the guy who headed up the office for the whole state and he gave me a date for an interview, so I dutifully made my reservations at a Holiday Inn within walking distance and showed up 10 minutes early in a new suit.
Seems he had FORGOTTEN that he set up the interview. The recptionist acted like I was nuts, and luckily I had the letter with me and after producing it, was shown into toe Big Cheese’s office. I was completely demoralized by then, and I totally blew the interview. He was totally unprepared to interview me, so he handed me a file and told me to read the police report and tell him how I’d handle the case. I did my best, giving him some BS about an illegal search, etc, but I was such a mess by then that I couldn’t say anything remotely intelligent. No, I didn’t get the job.
I just finished reading a book called “Kitchen Confidential”, can’t recall the author’s name, he’s a chef and the book is about the restaraunt biz. He recounts a job interveiw that he had with the owner of a high-priced steak restaraunt in New York. There were a lot of people competing for the same job, and he felt like he was really knocking them dead in the interview. He gave the owner all of the answers he seemed to want. Then the owner asked him, “And what do you know about me?” The applicant thought about it- he really didn’t know anything about the owner, and thought about giving him a line of BS, then decided to be honest and said “Well, nothing, really”. Thte interview ended abrubtly. On his way out the door, he realized that what the ownder had asked was “what do you know about MEAT?”
No, you are NOT alone!

4

Cold-calling is the Devil’s work anyway - be thankful that you didn’t get that job. I seem to remember a certain Pit thread a while ago about telemarketers… Anyway, if you’re the kind of person who feels compelled to hang out on the SDMB, you’re clearly deserving of a better job than classified ad sales.

As for being witty at interviews, I always figure that I don’t want to work for someone who doesn’t have a sense of humor. Granted, factors such as extrordinary pay and/or benefits may bend my opinion somewhat, but I can’t imagine myself staying at a job where nobody around me has a sense of humor. If I didn’t quit, I’d be fired. Heh… Luckily, the place I work now not only pays well but is very laid back. There’s no dress code, and the usual way to say “hi” to my boss is to give him the finger.

5

Too bad the interview didn’t go well, Jack. If it’s any consolation, you probably would have hated working for someone like that anyway, so maybe you dodged a bullet.

Keep plugging away and I hope you get that ream job.

6

Dream job! I meant Dream job!

Holy crap, was THAT an unfortunate letter to leave off. Let’s hope your job search doesn’t lead to that sort of employment.

7

Jack, if you thought you were discouraged after the interview, can you imagine how much more discouraged you would be if you got the job, and had to communicate with that dolt on a regular basis?

Besides which, I think “role play” is something that an adult should only utter to another adult if they are in a committed, long term, sexual relationship (with each other).

So don’t be discouraged, and put this incident behind you. Interviewing is no one’s idea of a good time, but I’m sure you’ll get through it with your usual flair and good humor.

My blown interview story: I was interviewing with a company in Kentucky where a friend worked, and this person gave me some tips on the head of the department, who would be conducting the interview. The last thing she said was, “oh, he loves horse racing, goes to the Kentucky Derby every year, owns his own horse etc etc.” So I’m in the interview, and it’s not going great, exactly, but it’s not going horribly, either … so when he asks me if I think I would like to relocate to the area (which I did), I decide to use my inside info, and start talking about how my great love of horses (true) and how it would be wonderful to have the opportunity to learn even more about the fine sport of racing (ummm … sort of true). I go on about this for a while and of course, as you have already guessed, it turns out I am not interviewing with the same man that my friend had briefed me on. Apparently, I went on about the ponies for so long that the interviewer later asked my friend if I had some sort of gambling problem down at the track. Obviously, no job offer on that one.

8

This wasn’t for a job, but it was BAD! I was a semi-finalist for a Rhodes scholarship, and the interviews were held at my college. There were over a dozen candidates, and we had to hang out in a small room in the library all day while each person was interviewed by a panel of professors, the president of the University, etc.

It was a really long day, and I was surrounded by people who not only got great grades like I did, but also volunteered in Bosnia, or wrote a book on T.S. Eliot, and so forth. When my turn came, I was painfully aware that I was blowing it. It’s like I was sitting in a little locked room in my head, unable to contain the idiotic answers tumbling out of my mouth.

I got sent back to the waiting room to hang out for several hours while they deliberated. Not only was I tired and disappointed, but my right shoulder was getting noticeably sore. It was a nasty afternoon, and of course, I didn’t get to be a finalist.

When I got back to my apartment, I sat down with my chin in my hands and discovered that my lymph nodes were HUGE - when I looked in the mirror, I could see the right one sticking out. It turned out I had mono. Well, at least I have an excuse why I was so stupid in the interview!

Anyway, don’t feel like a loser - that guy sounds like a jerk anyway. You’ll find something much better, I’m sure.

9

Thanks so much for the laugh of my day! The mental image of Jack plugging away…for a ream job… I’m still on the floor.

They are right Jack, ya didn’t want to work for the bastard anyway.

later, Tom

10

In one interview when I was younger, the two interviewers sat with their back to a window with the afternoon sun blazing through. The sun was blasting into my face and I could only make out two ominous talking silhouettes. Because of the glare, I couldn’t see anything else in the room, either. No visual clues. And the sun was making me sweat like a pig. The air-conditioning was off. I had a big bead of sweat tickling the tip of my nose, and instead of simply wiping it away I tried to tough it out. Ended up squinting long and hard and looking like a junkie in the middle stages of cold turkey. And thinking about the bead of sweat kept me from thinking about coming up with coherent answers. After the interview when I got out into the fresh air and sunshine, I felt like a UFO-abducted bumpkin who’d just been rectally probed and then released.

In an interview about five years back, I was much more comfortable. Too comfortable, it turned out. Just before the interview, I used their bathroom and then forgot to zip my fly. (Red underwear stands out nicely when you’re wearing a pale gray suit.) After the formal interview, they suggested I meet the staff–usually a good indication that the job was mine. They led me around the company and introduced me to everyone, and everyone was smiling and friendly. “Great place to work,” I said to myself. “I’ll like it here.” But as soon as I met the last person, the interviewers steered me toward the door and ended the meeting, if not tersely, a bit abruptly. Only out in the parking lot did I realize my mistake. When I didn’t get the job, I figured they’d been just showing me off to the rest of the staff. “Look at the dipshit…”

11

These days I give (usually excellent) advice on how to interview (of course, I’ve BEEN the interviewer more often for the past 15 years). But my personal catalog of interviewing experiences include:

  1. Right out of college, interviewing for a position in the Republican Party. (who’d have thought?). The guy sees my degree (Multi Disciplinary Social Sciences, Pre Law, with honors from Michigan State), and says “Oh, so you didn’t major in anything”. My witty, job awarding reply: “If I’d wanted to trade my degree in for a job, I’d have gone to a trade school, I wanted and obtained, an education.”. Despite waiting for days by my phone, I didn’t get the call. They must have lost my number.

  2. Next interview. It was cold, really cold, I would walk 6 miles to the unemployment office to look for leads, then walk 6 miles back. Got a hot job lead, hitched home to change clothes. Clever me - I realized that my winter coat with the clip on mittens wouldn’t really inspire confidence, so wore my good coat, and took the mittens w/o clips. Got to the place, promptly forgot which coat I was wearing and instead of removing my mittens went ffffffft ffffffft (shaking my hand down which would let the mitten fall, usually held by the clip). I had to bend down to the floor to retrieve them. Believe it or not, I got that job. (I found out later she damn near hired everybody).

  3. Years later, interviewing for a professional position where I was not only qualified, but knew the guy who was leaving. The man who interviewed me said (more than once) “with your organizational and administrational skills I’d love to have you as my secretary” (a non professional position). I replied each time “I don’t type” (not I can’t, but I don’t). I didn’t get the job. The guy (yes, surprise, it was a guy) he hired several years later led a class action complaint for sexual and racial harassment against the guy who interviewed me, who then lost his 80,000 /year job.

Two other interviews where I decided during the interview that I didn’t want the job (got offers on both), and another one where I took myself out of the running (it was for the position of “director”, the last question they asked was 'the current assistant is also applying should we decide to go with him, would you consider the assistant’s job? :rolleyes: No.

So, how’s that stack up?

12

This wasn’t for a job, but when I was a junior in high school, my brother was in law school at William & Mary. He got to be friends with someone in the undergraduate admissions office and, without consulting me first, got an interview set up for me. I wasn’t really into the college applications stuff yet and was extremely shy at that point in my life. My mom and I drove down there and I went for the interview with this guy.
He was a really nice man and very friendly, but I just didn’t want to be there and I was petrified. I didn’t want my brother to look bad. He asked me a bunch of questions and I answered them, knees knocking and teeth chattering. He asked me if I had worked on any interesting projects at school that semester. I had! I told him that we had just spent the entire semester working on a project in English. Each student had chosen an author and had done a “thesis” on several of the author’s works. He was intrigued and asked me about the author I had chosen. My mind went completely blank. I couldn’t even think of the author’s name (Sinclair Lewis), much less anything about the project that I had been working on for months.
It was just awful. My brother never mentioned that the interviewer had spoken with him about what happened. I ended up not even applying there when it came time for me to send in college applications because I was still so embarassed a year later.

13

Blowing that interview and posting this thread was worth every moment simply for Bottle of Smoke’s “ream job” post. Oh, Jesus, it hurts to laugh that hard. I’m glad I was nursing a bottle of water when I read that - it’s much easier to clean of a monitor than coffee.

Thanks, for the inadvertant chuckle Bottle O’. And thanks everybody for the support and commiseration.

14

[Preface] In 1997, the social work agency where I’d been working for four years as an Elder Abuse counselor and advocate, was defunded. I was trying to land a similar job, since I really enjoyed the work, and had responded to an ad for a new outfit operating out of Queens NY. Went to initial interview, which was favorable on both sides; they liked my experience and I had good answers to their questions, I think, and they were a new branch of an old organization headed by an activist Catholic priest, and were now poised to make their entry into elder abuse casework.

I get the call to come back for 2nd-tier interviews, I head out to the appointment optimistic and enthusiastic, to meet with the interviewer for the second time.
[/preface]

Interview is postponed 1 hr 45 minutes. I sit in chair, hoping for informal chatty early bonding with potential coworkers and bossfolk, but mainly I’m ignored.

Father Callahan or whoever he was shows up in person with companion in tow. He says he will do the 2nd interview instead of the interviewer I was expecting. Introduces his companion as a psychologist he has worked with. Father C then sits back and the psychologist asks questions.

Psy: So how would you describe yourself, your strength and weaknesses as a social worker?

AH3: Well, on the one hand, I’m a self-starter, used to making decisions and setting priorities and attending to tasks without someone having to stand over me and instructing me at every point; I like to get immersed in the tasks and goals of my employment, and domestic violence in general and elder abuse in particular is an area where I feel totally committed and enthusiatic about putting energy [blah blah blah, more along those lines]…the flip side of that, I guess, is that sometimes I don’t seek advice when I should, and I can be obstinate to the point that it could annoy supervisors, although generally once the supervisor hits me upside the head with a 2-by-4 to get my attention I’ll realize it’s serious and acknowledge the supervisor’s right to review and give me instruction.

Psy: {no hint of a smile}: I see. So you are saying that you are a supervisory liability and don’t believe anyone can advise you. Tell me what you are doing to address this problem in your workplace deportment. Do you believe you are constitutionally incapable of following instructions, or is it more of an ego compensation complex?
It went downhill from there. I had great difficulty making sense of what was being said, the psychologist’s behavior being so far from anything I’d ever experienced in a job interview (and Father C sitting benignly and quietly watching this happen), but after awhile one theme seemed to emerge from the grilling:

Psy: …I’ve known Father Callahan for so many year and no one gives as much or care as much about the people we serve as he does. It would be a real privilege to work for him.

AH3: I’m sure it would be, and I’m glad he has chosen to get involved with elder abuse. I’d love to work for someone with a dedicated and intense devotion to the clients and not just an organization that said “Oh, here’s a contract we could apply for, hmm, elder abuse, oh why not.” As I said, I would commit myself to the work and join him in this not only as an employee but as my personal cause.

Psy: Oh, but no one, I mean NO ONE, could possibly give as much or care as much about elder abuse victims as Father Callahan. Father Callahan is really CONCERNED about elder abuse. Do you think you know a lot about elder abuse?

AH3: Well, I think I’m fully qualified,…yes, although I’m still learning, I have put four years in which this was my full-time occupation.

Psy: And when you are doing your casework you say that you care about the clients and really want to do what’s best for them?

AH3: Yes, I want to be their advocate and serve them individually, and I also care about the problem on a policy level. I have some ideas for program planning and development…

Psy: And I guess you believe that YOU care as much about victims of elder abuse as FATHER CALLAHAN DOES, don’t you??!

::ugly silence::
Like, what the hell were they looking for, a staff of qualified social work professions who would kiss his big toe and offer to work for free while chanting “We’re not worthy”? Anyway, no, I did not end up working there.

15

#1: At a temp agency when I was seventeen. As I was babbling on about my (meager) qualifications, the interviewer interrupted me:

“Do you know there’s a worm on your dress?”
“Huh?”
“It’s crawling up your left shoulder.”

Sure enough, there was. I excused myself with as much grace as I could, went into the ladies’ room, and disposed of the worm … which wouldn’t have been so bad, except by then I was such a nervous wreck, I felt the need to tell the interviewer exactly HOW I had disposed of it. Needless to say, they never called back.

#2: At a liberal arts college which shall not be named.

“So, what perspectives can you bring to your college education because of your gender or ethnic background?”

(Stammering only a little) “Well, to be honest, I don’t think my gender or ethnic background has all that much to do with my education … I mean, in an academic setting we’re all equals, right? I think men and women approach intellectual issues in pretty much the same way.”

Apparently that was the wrong answer, because the interviewer glared at me. “The LATEST research shows that they don’t.”

At the end of the interview, she told me that with my SAT scores, I was a shoo-in. (She was obviously not very happy about this.) A month later, I got the rejection letter. Fucking unprofessional PC bitch. I’m still bitter about that.

16

Him: What was the most difficult decision you ever had to make?

Me: That would probably have to be opting to attend college locally instead of moving away. I’ve been actively seeking a job so that I can be better prepared when I -do- move out. (No big deal with admitting that. The job I was applying for wasn’t really a career position.)

Him: Right…okay…

:silence:

He proceeds to tell me a bit about the company, and how great all of his employees are.

Him: So anyway…let’s get on with the interview–this next section is for management records. He have to keep a file of these. Basically–I ask you about different qualities of yourself, and you answer with a rating between 1 and 5, with 5 being the best.

Me: Okay.

Him: Attendance.

Me: 5

Him: Team-worker

Me: 4

Him: Self-starter

Me: 4

Him: Attendance

Me: I…uh…didn’t you already ask me that?

Him: (Surprised) Oh–so I did! Okay that’s enough of that. What was the most difficult decision you had to make?

Me: Uh…

(The interview ended abruptly afterwards. I was surprised he remembered my name when he shook my hand. I didn’t get called back.)

-Ashley
(Unemployed for 5 months and still looking)

17

I can’t remember a job interview where I came out of it thinking, “Aw, man, I kicked ASS!” But I’ve convinced a few organizations to employ me, so I guess I avoided just enough screwups.

18

Last January I interviewed for a post working for a historical project for the University of Warwick. For some reason, they decided to interview candidates at the University of London Senate House building, which turned out to be crucial. When I arrived for the interview the weather was awful: it was about 0 C/32 F and pouring with rain. I was the last candidate out of six, already a bad sign when each interview was taking 30 minutes. The three interviewers were grumpy and ready to go home when I got there, and showed it.

Fifteen minutes into the interview, the fire alarm went off. Only none of us realised it was actually the fire alarm, until a security guard burst into our room and told us to get out immediately. The four of us shuffled out into the cold rain, and we were told we couldn’t return until the alarm was checked out. Minute after minute passed…the alarm was still going strong after half an hour. My attempts at starting up a conversation with the interviewers bombed terribly. They were just standing there, looking at their shoes, probably wondering why the hell they hadn’t interviewed in Warwick after all. At some point a maniac tried to race into the building, screaming that someone was going to steal the laptop he left behind. He was beaten back by two security guard/bouncer types, and eventually the police were called in. Finally after 40 minutes of standing in the rain we were let back inside.

Amazingly, the interviewers attempted to resume interviewing me. Needless to say, I was completely shot by this time, and mumbled back incomprehensible answers. After what seemed like an hour they let me go, promising to send word on whether I got the job. I knew that obviously I wasn’t going to get it.

As bad as the interview was, the aftermath was even worse. The historical project never sent me anything to tell me I hadn’t got the job–not that I cared by that point, but it would have been nice at least to get something. Nor did they ever apologise, either at the interview nor in any correspondence, for the inconvience of the fire alarm. My supervisor, however, received a letter from the interviewers, and they ostentatiously claimed that I was not offered the job “because of my poor performance at the interview.” As a final insult, I was never reimbursed for my travel costs to London, despite being promised this at the end of the interview.

This was my first job interview in the UK.

19

Maybe that’s why I felt so loserish. I always feel pretty good coming out of an interview; I’ve never really screwed one up before. But this was just pathetic. I had the feeling they were laughing their collective asses off at me for even walking in there. Ah, screw 'em. I like their newspaper, but that guy was a real cheese-dick.

Of course there was this one other interview I had years ago that went really well - until I left the building to find a boot on my truck right in front of the building. I don’t know if my interviewer saw me jumping up and down and swearing my head off, but I didn’t get the job. Who knows?

20

As part of being interviewed, I was used to spending some time with team members either in social settings or in private. A good way for both parties to see what the chemistry might be like.

Then along came an interview with IBM Labs. The interviewer was rather suprised when I asked if I might meet with other people on the team, but kindly ushered me into a dark little box containing a team member of whom he spoke highly, and let us to chat privately.

Within ten minutes, this team member was crying her eyes out over how much she hated her job. She even asked me if I had any connections that might hire her.

Needless to say, I scurried out of there as quickly as I could, and knocked together a start-up shortly thereafter. Thank heavens for such an awful interview!