Worst Job Interview Ever

In My Humble Opinion
21

I went to a job interview September 11, 2001.

And I was two hours late.

After all, one is supposed to let NOTHING get in the way of an interview; first foreign terrorist attack on the U.S.? It’s still an interview.

Did I call to say I was coming, but would be late? Of course not; ‘they’ were telling every-one that the cell networks were jammed and to stay off the air. (Of course, at the company where I interviewed, the land lines were out, and every-one’s cellphone was working; I found this out AFTER I apologized for not calling.)

I actually said that I got lost everytime a World Trade Tower fell down.
Sigh.
(I had just enough sense not to say I stopped for directions three times; yes, there was a phone in every place.)

Look, no one was thinking clearly that day.

I must say, though, that every-one I spoke with was very nice, and they still took me out to lunch. (I hope some are Dopers, so they know how highly I think of them.)

And, no, I did not get the job.

22

I once applied for a job counseling kids and teens at a college run educational camp. There were three people interviewoing me and it was going fairly well, if a bit stilted. I interview well, so I was just curious about what was up.

Then one guy sort of haltingly asked me, “How do you envision your… relationship with kids this age?”

I talked for a moment about being a role model, approacheable, knoweldgeable, and all that stuff. He stopped me and said, “Well, what I mean is… how CLOSE do you think you should get to them?”

I paused, then continued in my previous vein, talking about being friendly but not friends, etc., and he interrupted me again, but somewhat reluctantly.

"OK, well let me put it this way. Do you think it would be acceptable for you as a counselor to have a romantic or sexual relationship with one of the kids in this program?

My jaw dropped, and I stared at him for a moment. Then I said to the committe as a whole, “If I was slow to get the gist of that question, it’s because I would never DREAM of such a thing. Of course that wouldn’t be appropriate!”

That was the end of the interview as far as I was concerned. I suppose they had to ask something like that, but I was forced to wonder what sort of people they were in the habit of employing. Was this such a pernicious problem at their camp? Anyway, I got the feeling I didn’t want to be there.

23

I have to say that I’m VERY turned on. Could you at least finish your line for me. You know, let’s say I don’t know how to whistle, what do I need to do?

24

My worst job interview was at a place where Mr. Athena was working. At the time, we were friends, but not involved romatically. He’d been my boss at a previous position, and he spoke highly of me to the powers that be at his new company.

I went through a series of telephone interviews before the ‘real’ interview. I knew from Mr. Athena that this company was a stickler for degrees, and I didn’t have one. Because of this, I brought it up in every telephone interview - “I don’t have a degree, is that going to be a problem for you?”. I was repeatedly assured it was not an issue, my work experience more than made up for a lack of degree.

Then I went into the inteview. You guessed it, the first thing out of this blowhards mouth was “Well, you don’t have a degree, so you’re really not qualified for a development job here. We might have room for you in testing, though.”

Um, I don’t want a testing job, I think to myself. I’ve been a developer for 10 years, I’m not about to go back to testing because you don’t think I’m qualified. Still, I stick around the interview - maybe I can prove to him that I’m qualified.

The interview continues. He then decides he wants my salary history. I tell him (at this point I’m too lazy to try to dodge the question like I normally do). When we get to my previous job and I tell him my salary, he says “Wow, that’s high.” I kind of laugh and say “well, that’s what it was.” He then says “Are you sure?”

It then dawns on me… he’s accusing me of LYING about my salary history! WTF?!? Why in the world would I lie about my salary history when he and everyone else interviewing me knows my ex-boss works down the hall and all they have to do is go ask him to verify it? Am I stupid?

Also, my salary was not out of the ordinary for the types of positions I was interviewing for. This company, though, was known for lowballing on the salary issue and not really attracting great talent.

Anyway, I stuck it through the interview and didn’t get the job. I did find out that they did go to Mr Athena and ask if I really had made that much money, and he said “Yup” and “she’s worth it.”

Fuckers.

25

A long time ago I had an interview at a software company. One or two people interviewed me and eventually I got up to the President (it was a small company). So we chat for a while, everything had been going great with everyone, and then suddenly he says “Do you know who I AM???” And I said “Um, yes, you’re XX, the president of YY.” And he apparently didn’t like the answer, because the interview ended shortly thereafter. (Like he thought he was some kind of celebrity!)

At another one, I talked with a few people and eventually got the President (another not too big company). The company seemed kind of strange. The receiptionist was swamped with stuffing envelopes. The Pres emphasized that work comes first, family comes last, etc. Then he winds up saying something like “The qualities in a good employee all start with the letter E” and launched into this long list of things that start with E and why they were good qualities. (How do these weirdos end up with their own companies?)

A long time ago, at a college interview, the interviewer said to me “They do a lot of drugs at this college, how do you feel about that?” Was I supposed to answer “I would feel terrible and be unhappy there” or “Oh, how nice that drugs are widely available?”

At another, none of the conference rooms had chairs. The only furniture in each was one table at about waist height (while standing). The interviewer explained that the Pres of this company thought that meetings went more quickly if people were standing rather than sitting. (This was actually a large company.)

HOW DO PEOPLE LIKE THESE END UP IN CHARGE OF THINGS???

26

No kidding? Wow, small world. I used to work for A.E. Finley & Associates. Know about them? Drop me an e-mail, OK? I think my link works.

27

Back shortly after I took my short, temporary break from college in '94 (said break is still continuing…) I went around to find some kind of work to pay the bills. I answered one ad and set up an interview with them. When I got there, there were about 20 people at the ‘interview’ and the ‘interviewer’ gave us a speech about the company and showed us a video about them. Now, from his speech the company was set up so that working for them you’d go business-to-business in your own car selling air conditioner repair equipment that you paid for in advance, so I already wasn’t very keen on working there despite the various talk about getting paid based on what you do, unlimited opportunities, etc. What settled it for me was watching the video.

Oh sure, it was just a low-content high-buzzword video about what a great company this is to work for, how big your opportunities are, how you earn money based on your performance and not someone else’s and so on. However, that wasn’t what settled the issue for me. Rather, it was the fact that the celebrity doing the video was William Shatner, and I could barely keep from laughing at James T Kirk and hairpiece on a horse talking about opportunities and whatnot.

28

Here’s one from the other side. We had a an interview with a man just recently out of college for a junior creative position. He was smart, promising and a bit weird (a plus in this job). His one shortcoming was his Japanese level. The problem wasn’t that it was low, but that he was self-conscious about it, and therefore was very hesitant to speak. Our Chairman (Japanese, but speaks fairly good English), in the course of encouraging him to relax, told him to “expose more of yourself.” He was put on the shortlist for a second interview.

The next day, we got the email.

With the attached photo.

Of him exposing much more of himself.

He wasn’t hired.

29

Whoah, the other day I was talking to my boss and he said he had once worked at a company where his boss would not allow chairs in the conference rooms because he said it would go quicker that way. The boss was right too.

30

When I began interviewing for summer jobs with law firms, I’d only been in law school about three months. I had no clue about how to act in an interview and I was very intimidated. I didn’t do anything really wrong, but I was too nervous and quiet.

The first firm I interviewed at I really liked, but I was so nervous that I sweated the whole time and my hands and voice shook, and it was a disaster.

I felt much more prepared for my interview at the second law firm, because at least I knew then approximately how the process would go.

The first few people I talked to were incredibly aloof. Never smiled. Very stiff. They weren’t rude or anything, but I was thinking that this was not the place for me (the first firm I interviewed at was very relaxed, interviewers were warm and friendly). Things were going all right, though.

You generally interview with between 4-6 lawyers, all in one morning or one afternoon. The next-to-last person I interviewed with was the hiring partner. The lawyer I interviewed with before that walked me to the hiring partner’s office. When we arrived, the HP was inside, talking to a woman I think was his secretary. The lawyer escorting me had to go, so he left me there in the hallway to wait. The door to HP’s office was open.

HP and his secretary started screaming at each other. They knew I was there, but apparently didn’t care. The gist of the argument was that Secretary wanted HP to make a decision about something right then, and HP kept insisting that he would have to get back with her later. On and on it went. Finally, HP threw her out, saying he had an interview to conduct. The argument went on for between 5-10 minutes…which felt like an eternity to me. The whole time, I felt like I should try to make myself less conspicuous, or go somewhere, or something, but didn’t really have the option.

HP didn’t bother to get up from his desk, just hollered, “Come on in!” So, I did. As I walked in, he asked in an extremely loud voice:

“DO YOU LIKE TO DRINK? 'CAUSE I DO!”

I had no idea what to say to this. I was instantly flustered. The interview went downhill from there.

He proceeded to sit back, fold his hands over his big belly, and ask me what I wanted to know.

I asked him a prepared question that I honestly don’t remember now. All I know is, I asked the same questions at every single one of the ten law firms I interviewed at, usually to all 4-6 lawyers I interviewed with, because you’d get different answers every time. My point is, 40-60 other lawyers answered the question with no problem.

“I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO ASK ME,” the HP bellered.

Increasingly discombobulated, I tried to rephrase the question maybe three times.

“I STILL DON’T GET IT,” he insisted.

Totally at a loss, I admitted that I didn’t know how to explain it any other way, and that maybe I could try to come back to it later in the interview if something else occurred to me.

“WELL, MAYBE I GET IT,” he said, “BUT IF YOU’RE ASKING WHAT I THINK YOU’RE ASKING, IT’S NOT A VERY GOOD QUESTION. IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE.”

Ooooo-kay…

I ask the rest of my prepared questions, which never failed to fill up the allotted 30 minutes for interviews either before or after this experience. The jackass answered them all with either one-word answers or “I don’t knows”.

Finally, I ran out of questions. So, I politely asked if there was anything he wanted to ask me about my resume.

“WELL, LET ME SEE.” He stared at my resume as if he’d never seen it before. And he read it until he got down to my work experience.

“TELL ME ABOUT THE WORK YOU DID FOR <COMPANY NAME>,” he said, naming the first thing listed. I started to answer, and he picked up a pen. After I finished my answer, he repeated it back to me, word for word, in a sarcastic tone of voice.

“I WOULDN’T WANT TO MISQUOTE YOU,” he boomed, and he sounded really snide, as if I’d accused him of doing just that.

After he asked me about two more items about my resume, he asked if there was anything else I wanted to know. I admitted that I was out of questions, and so he hustled me down to my next interview. Unfortunately, we’d used up only 10 of our allotted 30 minutes, so I was 20 minutes early to the next attorney, who was on a business call. The HP did not leave me to wait, however. He burst into the man’s office and insisted that I was there to be interviewed RIGHT NOW. Then he hurried off without so much as a goodbye or a handshake.

I didn’t get the job, and I certainly didn’t want it.

Later, my father asked if I thought maybe the man was testing me. I don’t think so. I’ve asked around and apparently the man has a reputation in that city’s legal community. Fortunately, I chose not to practice there, and will almost certainly never see him again.

31

I once interviewed at a local dotcom for a Web Design kind of position. Everything was going just fine until my interviewer said, and I quote, “Well, I’ll be honest, we’re just hoping the FDA doesn’t notice this loophole and close it.”

32

My worse interview was with this stupid arrogant kid (he wasn’t that much older than me) at Citibank. There I was all suited up, and he was dressed in a turtle neck. He was going on and on about a whole lot of crap, even though I saw him already put an “x” on my resume. Then he started saying how great an opening it was and he even had a Ph.D. interviewing for it.

Me, “Why didn’t you hire the Ph.D?”
SAK: [trying to remove foot from mouth]