The way she is walking and her body language and facial expression read to me like someone who doesn’t want to be talked to. She also looks to me like someone who’s having a shitty day.
So, I wouldn’t talk to her (unless it was an emergency or something like “watch out for that car”) because she reads to me like someone who doesn’t want to be talked to. And I wouldn’t tell her to smile, because I have no idea why she’s having a shitty day (maybe someone died?) and telling her to smile could be really inconsiderate.
But I generally don’t talk to strangers unless there’s a reason for it (emergency, networking event, party at my friend’s house, etc.).
Thank you. I didn’t recognize the OP’s username, but those sure do put this thread topic into perspective. For the record, I concur with the 2nd paragraph in the post from mischievous: having that shit happen all day every day (or even just frequently) wears you down in a way that’s hard to understand if you don’t experience it yourself.
You’re right. It’s like expecting a coin to remember whether it came up heads or tails on a previous flip, so you can say there was something beyond coincidence when you get ten heads in a row.
However, when a woman can’t walk down the street without men treating her like she’s on display, something is going on. They may not be acting in concert, but there is a cultural expectation-- or lack of one, that permits this, and that’s why a woman feels harassed.
Regarding the guy who seemed to pleasantly say “Have a nice day,” and how some people think that’s different from the overt comments on her appearance: why her? he did not say “Have a nice day!” to everyone he passed, and he certainly didn’t say it to any men, so something is going on, beyond well-wishing. He’s not just a guy trying to spread a little sunshine. He’s singling out young, attractive women who are alone, and that is wrong. He could be offering them coupons for free bagels, or asking them if they could adopt a puppy, or hitting them up for spare change, it wouldn’t matter: he’s singling them out for appearance, gender, and what he supposes is their status regarding attachment. So, the “Have a nice day!” is not so neutral. Because he says that to women only of a certain appearance, it becomes a comment on her appearance. Anyone who pretends otherwise is being disingenuous.
When men think that the way a woman looks to him is an invitation to strike up a conversation, even when she is a complete stranger, that’s a culture of harassment, or a culture that condones harassment, or something. I haven’t quite got my slogan together, but men should not feel free to talk to any random woman they want and then be offended if she chooses not to respond. Moreover, men shouldn’t feel compelled to comment on the appearance of every woman who crosses their line of vision, because women are not there for the pleasure or amusement of men.
But the “and” is important. Men SHOULD feel free to talk to random women, but they should feel no entitlement to a response, and should not feel offended if ignored.
Men should not feel okay about saying “smile” or “damn!” or “you look good” and similar to strange young women (not that you’re saying this). Do you disagree?
I don’t know what you mean by “feel free.” I assume you’re not talking about legislation. But talking to people who don’t want to be talked to is boorish and rude (unless it’s something like an emergency).
And it seems to me that given how many women usually express frustration with random men talking to them all the time when they’re just trying to go about their business, then it’s probably more likely than not that talking to strange women on the street is going to be boorish and rude.
If I knew someone didn’t want the “good morning,” then yes, it would be boorish and rude of me to go ahead and do it.
If a lot of women are telling me that they don’t like constantly getting talked at by strangers, then I am boorish and rude if I’m not willing to take that into account before I go around wishing “good morning” to strangers. I’m not saying “good morning” must be boorish and rude, but it’s clear that there are a lot of circumstances where this sort of interaction makes people uncomfortable, and it’s boorish and rude not to recognize that.
Because of all the other cities I’ve ever visited I’ve never heard that kind of harassment. I don’t mean for me, a male, but others walking around me. I’m sure I would have noticed something.
I’m skipping the nice evening thing, because that happens all the time around here, especially if the person saying it is older. They’re friendly and bored.
But as for the compliment thing–you’re right. That’s rare. But when I think about it, every time it has happened, it’s made me feel really good. I think that may be the issue. To me, even getting complimented about my looks is a great compliment that will make me feel good. So of course I expect that’s the same for everyone else.
I think that may be the issue with a lot of things. I bet even catcallers think that they would like it if they catcalled. Especially if by someone as hot as they think they are.
I was standing in line a few days back, and a pretty young lady with beautiful green eyes was in front of me. Are you saying it would have been improper for me to compliment her on her pretty eyes? I hardly consider that that would have been harassment.
If they highlighted the examples that were further on the spectrum of bad behavior like the guy following her, and less on the people saying “have a nice day” or “How you doin” then it would place more emphasis on the bad behavior. By including borderline interaction along with the clearly bad ones, it weakens the whole message. I only watched the linked 2 minute “highlights” of the 10 hours of footage. If they included such weak examples in the highlight reel, I doubt the magnitude of the occurrences.
Consider this - when we see that many examples, they get evaluated to their relative merit. It’s happening in this thread.
Often the “it’s a compliment” people will think if women were doing this to them, they (the men) would feel good about it.*
But that’s not the right equivalence! It’s not women doing the catcalling, it’s men. So the “it’s a compliment” people should be thinking about a situation in which random, strange men are constantly “complimenting” them.
Feels different in that case.
*Not that this is actually relevant, but it’s a consideration that often comes up.
You have to realize that the “have a nice day” and “how you don’” stuff is right there in the mix, experienced as of a piece with the other stuff. Less severe? Maybe, but not necessarily, and even if so, still wrong. Not including such examples would give the wrong impression that such behavior is okay.
Jesus god christ. Come on. That is completely rapey.
You’ve been scaring women with this kind of behavior. It doesn’t matter whether you feel like they should be scared or not. You’re scaring them. Now what does a good person do upon learning this about themselves?