But isn’t that kinda like wearing bowling shoes with an evening gown?
Close – I was a Japanese tour escort! (Not that kind of escort, D_Odds!
) I spent 8 hours a day or more running around Waikiki or Honolulu Airport looking after Japanese tourists, and, at time, running the length of either of those in those blasted heels!
The man who made you do this (and I know it was a man) needs to die!
But not everyone can (or should, or wants to) carry the “gigantic second purse.”
When I went to job interviews downtown, I wore my best suit with heels and carried only a purse and a slim portfolio holding copies of my resume, letters of recommendation, etc. To lug around a big bag with extra shoes in it might have been practical, but certainly would not have looked professional - and a job seeker is going to need every edge they can get. Yes, it sucked when I had to stand on the streetcar, and I fell down when it started & I was unprepared (never been on one before). Thank goodness someone kind gave me their seat after I fell. (And I was offered the job - but took a better offer elsewhere.)
Many times I have fallen (even in flat shoes) on the train, sometimes on other people, because I’ve had to stand and couldn’t maintain my balance or my grip on a strap/pole. People tend to jump up & offer you a seat then, by golly!
Well of course when you’re interviewing you don’t bring all your stuff with you. And I’m not looking for every instance where it wouldn’t be applicable to carry a bag. We all know that. That wasn’t the point. If you can’t stand up on a moving vehicle in heels, your best bet is to carry some slim bedroom slippers in your purse and change out of them when you get off the train. Sheesh. :rolleyes:
Apparently, mass transit etiquette is not a real-life issue for you. Many of us who use mass transit also own cars–we just find the bus or train more convenient. Or cheaper. Reducing traffic & conserving fossil fuels are other reasons; but these factors affect the well-being of others, for which you show so much contempt.
As for “guilt trips”–I’ll continue to offer my seat to whomever I please. And if a gentleman offers me his, I’ll thank him. Even if I don’t take the seat, I’ll refrain from considering him a bigot. And I won’t feel guilty at all.
:rolleyes: Bedroom slippers don’t fit in my purse. I have to keep it on the smallish side due to the painful tendonitis in my elbows & wrists. Anyway, my “heels” are only about 2" max.
But please, feel free to disdain me for not following your expectations. No doubt you wouldn’t offer me the seat after I fall (as I stated earlier, even in flats, because I’m unable to hold on to the strap), because it’s “my fault.” At least there are others who do, and I appreciate them.
On the contrary, I’m in the “offer the seat to everyone” corner. Particularly those who can’t stand up.
Jaderabbit - ‘scuse me for jumping in - but I hope you’ve read Barbara Lukes’ excellent book on pregnancy When You’re Expecting Twins .
I carried twins as well, and managed to go to term (38w 5d), although my son still spent 11 days in the NICU. They were each just shy of 6 lbs. at birth. I followed her advice as much as I could, and I’m convinced it helped.
Being pregnant is difficult, and twins much, much moreso. Take the handicapped seat if possible. Sit on someone if you need to.
And please, please be extremely careful with yourself. Stay hydrated, keep your feet up, nibble constantly (almonds were a big help for me).
BTW, some pregnant women obtain those handicapped placards from their doctors to help them in this kind of situation.
If I were on that train and saw you, you would be sitting ina few seconds flat. Pregnant women can be hurtin’ pretty bad sometimes, I’ve been down that road with my woman. It’s not about sexism, chivalry or chauvinism. It’s about a fellow human being helped out temporarily.
Dad taught me you’re supposed to use the same rules when walking as when crossing another vehicle in an unmarked, too-narrow road.
Rule number one is, “the vehicle with the larger load takes precedence”. This is both a guv’t rule around here and pretty sensible as per the laws of physics: the most loaded vehicle is more difficult to manoeuver and stop.
So, you open the door for a person who’s carrying bags, pushing a cart or holding a baby (in or outside), or to anybody with reduced mobility. You also leave them your seat (you may be excused if your own feet or back are suing for divorce from the rest of you).
I’m not going to look askance at people who don’t jump out of their seats to leave them for a pregnant woman or elderly guy, since I have no idea whether their feet are suing but in general I try to facilitate movement - including things like not stopping in the narrowest part of the supermarket alley (why does everybody who stops in the middle of a supermarket alley do it exactly at the support beam?)
And I stick by it. Manners are subjective…I’m sure that there’s some place on the map where the “burping to show pleasure at dinner” is still wildly in vogue. That being said, I’m probably not going to let one rip after dinner…not my upbringing.
Is there a root of chauvinism in the chivalry/nice manners thing? Probably. Does that mean I’m going to sit while a lady stands…probably not…I’ll at least offer.
And I want to meet these guys who won’t walk through a door when a woman holds it.
On a slight hijack, catsix, how do you feel about the whole men-going-last on entering an elevator? Must send to to Beserk-town!
Relax, accept the offer, and decline if you’d like. The whole social interaction will tkae <5 seconds, and you can go back to perusing your Dworkin Reader.
-Cem
I’d think that a woman who just won a triathlon would be especially grateful for the seat. As would a man who just won a triathlon. For what it’s worth, there’s no way that I wouldn’t offer *anyone * wrapped in a foil Boston Marathon blanket my seat on the train, with a smile and many congratulations.
Guh…I’m in danger of being labelled a geezer. I’m only 36! I am also a Midwestern Yankee, so none of that “bless your heart” crap, either. People who use verbal gambits to cloak an insult are soooo lame. If you’re irritated enought o say something, say it.
And catsix…I’m sure there are hundreds of people here on the SDMB who could tell me what your forensic error was in taking my statement to conflate the general healthiness of female triathletes and disabled men, but that wasn’t my intent.
What I was trying to say was that I’ll offer my seat to anyone who appears to be in slightly worse shape that I am. And I mean that on a day-to-day basis. If, for example, I was running to the El from a meeting wearing a suit, I’d take the seat, rest for a while, and then probably stand up. If I saw a guy who barely caught the El and was sweating up a storm, I’d probably offer him the seat through non-verbal means (OK, a grunt).
If there’s a lady standing, I’ll offer. If it was in-her-prime Martina Navratilova…hell…she’s in better shape…she can stand. Does that make it better?
-Cem
Should a pregnant woman be given a seat on a crowded train? The answer is Yes. I see the point those who say No are making: “Those who are pregnant do not automatically acquire privilege or extra rights.” I agree. The question, though, isn’t about rights or obligations - just courtesy.
When driving on a freeway under construction, if I notice too late the “lane closed, merge” sign, I expect someone to let me in - just as I would let someone in if the roles were reversed (although my wife does it begrudgingly and not without colourful language 
).
Suppose the question was, “Should late mergers be let in?” No doubt there would be those for and those against, but the question of the late merger’s privileged status would likely not arise. It’s just a matter of courtesy and one’s choice to extend it or not.
Summary: Extend to pregnant women the whatever situational courtesy you’re comfortable with - for me it means automatically giving up my seat without requiring an assessment of burden. It’s a nice thing to do, it costs so little, and everyone wins - she takes a load off and I get to revel in my altruism.
Obviously you haven’t been reading the traffic threads around here.
Crap - I replied after reading only the first page. I didn’t notice we’re on page five here. I’m sorry the “rights vs. courtesy” point has already been discussed.
I did this once and I still cringe thinking about it. :o I thought the guy was getting up to leave and I had been ingrained to go for mine, so I slipped in. That’s bad, but worse was the fact that I didn’t then get up again after seeing the pregnant woman in front of me. :smack: