If she is a close enough friend she should accept your helfpul constructive criticism regardless of your race or income level.
If she really wants help getting a job, it only further supports my point above.
If she is not a close enough friend, I would refrain from recommending her for positions that she is not qualified for–and lack of professionalism is a disqualifier (at least it seems to be in YOUR estimation in this case).
That would be the part I’d hate discussing with a friend. So the point between ‘friend’ and ‘colleague’ would be important for me to determine which direction to go in.
Should I call out my friend’s lack of profesionalism?
Items #2 and #3 wouldn’t bother me at all, especially from a friend. The 25 minutes late for a lunch would bother me though. Did she offer any explanation of why she was late?
I like @puzzlegal’s approach here, and agree I have to handle it sensitively.
On the whole, I think I’ll go ahead with the introductions, and trust Jane to approach them professionally. Also, I think I maybe I ought to wait until January, because this time of year just doesn’t lend itself to professionalism or networking!
Excellent thought.
That might also give you a chance to have a second face-to-face encounter with Jane where some of these issues will either arise naturally and can be dealt with right then and there, or won’t arise and can be put to bed as flukes.
Unrelated to the above …
Any networker puts some portion of their own credibility on the line with each intro they make.
But unless you’re operating at a pretty rarified level of whatever your profession is, the amount of hit that your credibility would take over even a bad or mistaken intro is pretty slight. For a decent intro who later turns out to be a star, well, you’ll (retroactively) get a lot of points for spotting the “diamond in the rough”.
As well, if you and your contacts are a couple layers up the ladder from where Jane would fit in wherever, then your own introduction can include caveats, and be evaluated under the standard, that your intro doesn’t include detailed knowledge of her day to day work because she is not, and was not your peer. Just somebody who seems solid enough in a world of flaky workers.
You know the world you inhabit and I certainly don’t. But perhaps something to consider.
I’m also curious about whether she apologized for being late and if she gave a reason. Distance is no matter - did she oversleep or did the toilet overflow?
How many jobs has she had? How much experience with interviewing does she have? If she has been successful with job hunting advice could be insulting. If she is looking for her second job out of college, you might ask if she is interested in getting advice as well as leads from you.
I missed that she was 25 minutes late. That’s really late for lunch at a restaurant. Were you just standing there waiting for her the whole time?
Did she tell you why she was late and apologize, at least? If she hadn’t, i would have asked.
So, this was YOUR idea, not hers. She didn’t ask for your help.
So, she did not ask you, “do you have suggestions for me?” - You took the initiative and told her, unasked, that you had potential contacts for her.
Did she ask you to give her feedback, or are you volunteering this, unasked?
That is a good instinct.
What I’m getting from your OP is that you want to help, and your heart is in the right place, but it also sounds like you want to provide unasked for assistance. That’s not a bad thing - it could be quite commendable. But it does call for a light touch - “hey, if you are ever looking for advice/connections, let me know. I’d be glad to help.” Then, if she says, “yes, please provide me your advice/connections” you give her what you’ve got, and she is obligated to thank you and to follow through. But if she does not actively agree that she wishes to solicit the advice you offer, you shouldn’t force it on her and you shouldn’t be offended if you don’t get effusive thanks for your advice.
No, do not do that. Just drop it- and her.
That sounds reasonable.
I’ve had to let go of many friends because of their tardiness and lack of written correspondence assuring me of their gratitude.
They knew the deal, and they broke the contract. No repentance, no confession, no acts of contrition, no friendship.
It’s lonely at the top, but integrity must be preserved.
Number 1 could be a problem if she just showed up 25 minutes late with no explanation or warning call. The other 2 are just your personal hangups. Nobody else cares about sucfh things.
Basically. When I called her at 12:12 (after not hearing from her), she was “just leaving.” I asked her if she knew what she wanted and ordered both our salads, and was just grabbing a table when she walked in.
Apparently, she was working on some sort of project that took longer than expected. She did apologize for being late.
When I offered to make introductions for her, she enthusiastically agreed.
I wasn’t looking for “effusive thanks,” but – especially after I followed up by sharing an article I’d promised – I was disappointed to not even receive a reply.
But most of the responses I’ve received here have me thinking my expectations might have been too high, especially around the holidays. So I’m going to make intros for her after the holidays, trust her to be professional, and hope for the best.
The people in my networking group certainly do. But they’re older white guys like me. I get that other demographics may care less.
What? Seriously? It takes a lot more than tardiness and poor email etiquette for me to end a friendship. Sheesh.
Coldbrew was being sarcastic. Deth is well…Deth
Hmmm … pretty long for a whoosh, but I can see it.
Your friend is not in your networking group. She didn’t ask to join your networking group. You volunteered to introduce her to people, she said yes. Don’t make it more than it is.
The way to help her is to
I was simply responding to an assertion that “Nobody else cares about such things” by pointing out that there are other people who do in fact care about such things.
As far as #2 goes, there’s a practical reason for not thanking you in email. Email clutter can be a bother, as I might have 15 other projects I’m tracking and don’t need the distraction. Maybe she’s got other leads she’s placing on higher priority, or her non-work life is messy and she had other priorities. I do appreciate a thank-you, but sometimes I miss a project notification because the thank-you became the first part of my email queue. When I’m in a hurry because of deadlines piling up, I really don’t need the thank-you.
As far as her tardiness goes, maybe her “friend time” runs differently than her “professional time.” You placed more importance on the meeting, and that’s understandable. I don’t know how close you two are, but maybe she would have acted differently if it was a formal interview and not a friendly occasion.
If you think it will look badly on you if she gets hired and turns out to be a slacker, odds are higher she won’t get interviewed at all. I know I was relying on my friends network to find work, but I didn’t get any nibbles because I knew somebody. It was my skillset coming up in a resume search that got me lined up for interviews. Odds of anybody hiring her based on your recommendation are tiny.
All you can do is give her advice. Whether she follows it or not is up to her.