I had a discussion with my mother the other night. She broke down crying because her father had called her the night before, and she said she could “hear something in his voice.” He has been ill and getting progressively worse for nearly a decade, and she thinks he really is going to die soon now. He’s 6-feet tall, but only wieghs 152 pounds. He has diabetes and heart disease, and an infection in his foot that is spreading.
Before anyone sends their sympathy, remember I called him “her father.” This man has shown virtually no affection to anyone his entire life. In fact as far as I can tell, my mother is the only person who really cares whether he lives or dies. She even told me of a time when she told him that if he didn’t change how he acted and treated people, he would die old and alone.
And now it has more or less come to pass. He has a great-grandchild (my sister’s daughter), whom he never has and probably never will see. My brother did not invite him to his wedding. My sister did so under duress, but would NOT let him walk her down the isle. (He didn’t show, anyway) I myself have not really spoken to or seen him in years, and feel that it is no great loss.
I guess my question is: should I care a little bit, just because he is family? Right now the only thing I’m feeling is a little apprehension over how his passing will affect my mother. I won’t want to see her so sad. But after that, I mostly feel bad for ME. I feel cheated out of the happy experience with their grandparents that so many of my peers seem to have, and I blame him for that. He was a mean, spiteful, selfish, racist, dishonest, corrupt man. About that best I can say about him is that I don’t think he was thoroughly evil. But he was no friend of mine.
Even so, do I owe him anything, simply because he is my grandfather?