Do you have a little angel floating over one of your shoulders and a little devil floating over the other? If so, let them fight it out and do what the winner says.
- WTF? You think that society is responsible for keeping marraiges together? Seriously?
- Well as long as we’re throwing out baseless, non sequitor commands to each other - If you don’t think sourdough pretzels are 1 part salt and 1 part magical, don’t attend African safaris in mid-September.
- First off, society doesn’t owe me the common decency to not hit on my spouse. Secondly, it doesn’t owe me shared health care, tax breaks, or “any of that crap”. So I guess we agree there.
- That’s why they’re called “opportunities”.
- So many untruths, I don’t know where to start. Why exactly does sleeping with a married woman mean that the guy thinks she’s a slut or whore? Does it work that way if it’s the husband doing the cheating? Do the women think the man is a slut or whore? It’s more like YOU think that women are sex objects, because you’re under the impression that if only guys would uphold some moral code, then women wouldn’t be able to cheat on their spouses. It’s the males’ duty to uphold the virtue of the chattel. It’s the OP’s fault, you argue. It’s not the woman’s fault here, she can’t help it! She’s not responsible for her actions, the man is!
Who’s objectifying whom?
- Because it’s only inappropriate for her, not the OP. It’s like telling me I shouldn’t eat dinner because “God forbid I miss a meal” when you haven’t convinced me that I should avoid eating.
The OP isn’t fucking over the guy. The wife is. I gave a little lee-way with the terminology earlier but perhaps I should clarify it here. The OP owes nothing to the husband. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. He has made no promises to the husband and has no obligation to him at all. I personally don’t think he’s fucking over the husband at all. But if you think that the OP is, then it’s perfectly permissible to do so.
Let me tell you something, kiddo…
I’m not going to give you any claptrap about the lady’s husband or his feelings, or any morality spiel. Of course you can say no, but what’s pertinent to that guy’s marriage is whether or not *she *says no. If it’s not you, it’s probably going to be someone else. If she’s not saying no, there is an issue in that marriage, and it has nothing to do with you.
I have no idea what created the issue. Maybe she’s feeling sexually frustrated or unloved. Maybe he doesn’t treat her like he used to. Or maybe she’s just a Class-A whore. Either way, that guy’s in a shitty marriage.
Since you’re acting selfishly here, never mind how he’s feeling. I’ll tell you the shit WILL hit the fan, and it will not be pretty for YOU. Now if you want to get into the ethics of it all, the choice is obvious. If you’re looking out for yourself, the correct course of action is still the same. You do not want to be there when it blows up. And it will.
Is the only reason you are considering this that you find her sexually attractive?
Game Theory 101. Cooperative solutions tend towards better outcomes for all players involved over time.
But v. bendy!
Enjoy,
Steven
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- Cool. Been overdosed with gay marriage/other-societal-rights-and-owing stuff lately, which is how that came up. Sorry I took it out on you, that was uncalled for, I agree.
Though 1) - yeah, I do kind of think that in a society that claims to value marriage (as US society does) one does incur some responsibility, the same way that I think (that in a society that at least pays lip service to sportsmanship) casual onlookers to a sports game have some responsibility not to bribe the players to cheat either.
But I guess I can see your point, which is that this responsibility is certainly not explicitly stated anywhere, and one can thus claim an absence of such responsibility without being inconsistent (well, at least, cheating-on-marriage isn’t stated – I suspect bribing a sports player to cheat is probably explicitly against the law, if s/he’s professional).
Esti is not American. Of course that didn’t stop Obama. 
Once, when I was young – and pretty hot, if I may say so myself – I had a suitor of the married persuasion. The guy was perfect in every other way, except that one. Of course he swore he was separated from his wife, and divorce was on the works. “We just had to get this relationship going”.
My answer: “call me when you have your divorce papers”. He hasn’t called yet.
I don’t share.
Yes you do. You (the generic one) owe as much to the husband as you owe to any person in society–decency and reasonableness, at least at first.
Put it this way–if one guy gave you 100$ to sucker punch another random guy, would you do it just because you didn’t know your victim?
Yes.
That is absolutely brilliant phrasing.
However, the woman in question said ‘that depends on the guy.’ It’s possible she’s in an open relationship - one where the other man is willing to share his food.
If you’re really interested, maybe find out if she does have an open relationship with her husband. And I mean find out for sure, and in what way it’s open - open relationships aren’t usually free-for-alls, but have their own rules. Even then, there could be repercussions, if, say, you started to fall in love with her and she just wanted a fuck-buddy.
If her marriage isn’t definitely an open relationship, like everyone else I’d say it’s a monumentally bad idea to do anything more than flirt with her. Flirting’s fun in itself, anyway.
Stay away. There is nothing for you there but pain.