Parents live a couple hours away. Normally I visit a couple times a month. I do some of their grocery shopping, keep the water softener topped off, run some errands for them, etc.
Parents are both in their early 70s. Mom is a smoker who has had lung cancer and is underweight. Dad has heart disease and diabetes.
I want to buy them supplies but I’m scared ill expose them. What should I do?
Should I buy groceries and leave them by the door?
Should I avoid all contact for the next few months?
My parents are basically shut ins anyway. Only my dad leaves the house and he only leaves to go shopping or to go to church on Sunday.
I live about 2 miles from the Life Care center at the epidemic center in Kirkland WA. Covid has ripped thru the patients and staff. I also lived in China throughout SARS.
Your parents are at high risk for even catching an ordinary cold. Drop off groceries at the door. To be really careful, leave the groceries in the garage or somewhere for a few hours (overnight) before your parents take them into the house. .
Feel free to have a chat at 10 paces outside but don’t go in. No hugs or close contact. And your father should stop going to church until things settle.
I totally emphasize with your situation, and I think you already know what the answer is tough love and no physical contact.
Yes, just make sure they have groceries by dropping them off at an agreed spot.
And strongly suggest they worship at home.
I’m 66 and have cancelled all my chess + bridge teaching (students have fully agreed) and will Skype* other elderly friends rather than visit.
Two younger friends have offered to deliver groceries if my supermarket stops (at present the company is going to leave them on the doorstep and ring the bell.)
(*If your parents don’t know how to Skype, I’m sure they will welcome daily phone calls from you.)
I’m not seeing my parents until this blows over, although I will send deliver whatever necessities they need. I’m also advising them not to go anywhere, which I’m afraid they will not do.
They’re both in the highest risk bracket for dying. I couldn’t live with myself if I was responsible for that.
I am distancing myself from my elderly in-laws and my BIL who is in a group home recovering from a couple strokes. My wife would like to do the same but can’t, they all rely on her for many basic necessities.
I’m wondering if I should visit at night, but just go into the basement. They keep the freezer in the basement. I could drop groceries off in the freezer and leave the rest in the kitchen while my parents are in the living room. Then I could also top off their water softener in the basement, then leave. I could wear a mask while I do this so if I’m infected it doesn’t spread into the air.
However I’ve heard the virus can live on surfaces for several days, it just doesn’t seem there is any safe way to deliver supplies. Even leaving them overnight could cause issues.
However I’ve ‘heard’ that the virus is mostly spread via respiration, not physical contact of fomites. So assuming the air disperses in a few hours, then leaving the groceries somewhere overnight might do a lot of good at stopping the spread of germs.
I dunno. What do THEY prefer? I can imagine that for some people, feelings of isolation might exceed their perceived danger from risk of infection.
If you and your parents value this interaction, I’d probably keep up the visits - just avoid hugs, and wash your hands well.
Not sure I get the suggestion that you buy groceries and leave them on the stoop. Couldn’t you have gotten your cooties on the groceries just by buying and transporting them?
It’s all about relative risks and minimizing the ones you can. Assuming there aren’t mental health issues, your parents can probably survive with a phone call or video chat versus in-person visit. But they probably can’t survive without food, so that’s a necessary risk. Minimize it by washing your hands before shopping, use sanitizer if you find yourself touching your face or coughing, and use it again before you carry the grocery bags.
My parents are in their early 80s and are returning home from Florida tomorrow. Neither is in great shape, my father has COPD, heart disease and is diabetic. The Canadian government has asked all returnees to self-isolate for 14 days.
I’m picking up groceries and stocking their fridge before they get back and I do not intend to see them in person for the next 3-4 weeks, and they only live 20 minutes away. When they need more groceries, my siblings or I will drop it by but leave it outside their door.
What exactly is the health guidance from professionals that you are following?
I just checked the CDC and WHO - neither of which say to stay home. They DO say avoid sick people, stay (3 or 6 feet) away, wash hands and clean surfaces, etc. But if you went over to mom and dad’s, let yourself in the front door, and then sat across the room from each other, what professionals say not to do that? (Unless you are including professional alarmists. ;))
Especially if you think it possible that the old folk will be at risk of feeling isolated, not taking care of themselves, etc.
If they can manage to bring groceries in from the front door, you can encourage them to have groceries delivered (assuming there is such a service near them).
As far as other things around the house, though: if they truly can’t do those things themselves (e.g. I remember water softener salt is heavy!) who will? It may be better for you to go and do necessary indoor stuff for them, versus having them hire someone local who may or may be as diligent about handwashing etc. as you would be. If you’re concerned, use normal precautions such as wiping down everything you touch and don’t get too close to the parents.
All the guidance I’ve seen (including the “shelter in place” mandate in California) says that caring for a family member is a valid reason to be out and about.