Long-time lurker, first-time poster.
Background: I’m a disabled woman in my mid-twenties. Specifically, I’m a high (C4) quadriplegic, paralyzed from the neck down, due to a snowboarding accident at 14.
If you didn’t know, there’s a substantial population of people out there who are into girls “like me.” These people are called “devoté(é)s.” I know, it’s strange. Not to be into me–I’m relatively attractive–but to be into me BECAUSE I’m disabled. I’ve been aware of this group since I was about 19 (when I started dating, conventionally and online). I’ve always been ambivalent about them in general, and definitely not interested in getting involved with someone who (IMHO) had a screw loose.
However, I’m recently rethinking my position. I’ve had several longer term relationships in a row end with a profession from the guy that, though he loves me and appreciates many of my qualities, he just can’t handle life with a quadriplegic.
Then, two months ago, I met a coworker of my brother’s and we’ve been getting to know each other. Last night, he admitted to me (after several beers) that my disability is a turn-on for him, and he’s known he was a “devoté” since high school, though he’s never actually dated anyone with a disability.
I’m torn. I like this guy. He’s cute, ambitious, kind, funny. But I have weird feelings about dating him. Is it exploitative? Kinky? A match made in heaven?
On the other hand, I’m tired of dating guys who like everything about me BUT my chair. There’s something intriguing to me about being with a person who wouldn’t forever be lamenting all the things I can’t do. (Yes, I can have sex. I can even, theoretically, have babies, though I’ve never tested that).
So I’d be curious to know what open-minded dopers think…