Situation:
I’m in a store with my good friend. We’re looking at keyrings and chatting to the lady behind the counter. We leave the store, walk to the car and my friend looks down at her hand…
… and sees one of the keyrings from the store. She didn’t realise she was still holding it (she had her purse and car keys in her hands as well), and walked out with it. I tell her we have to return it, but she says we don’t have time and we have to go. We sit and argue about it for a couple of minutes, and in the end she promises me that she will come back tomorrow and pay for it or return it.
She didn’t. The next day she kept making excuses until the store was closed. She still has the keyring, and she’s not planning on ever paying the $9.95 for it.
I feel guilty, and bad, and kind of angry about this situation. It’s exactly this kind of thing that makes the world suck - all those little bad things add up. There’s no way on Earth I’ll ever get her into that store to pay for the keyring, and so I think I should pay for it myself. Will this restore the balance of karma in the world? Should I do this? Would it be best to let sleeping dogs lie?
You had time to argue about whether to return it or not for a few minutes but you were in such a hurry you didn’t have time to return it? Me is confused.
As for the solution, I think that just wandering into the store and ploping 10 bucks down on the counter isn’t going to do anything but get a few people scratching their heads at you. What does your friend learn from this anyway? Are you going to bail her out every time you feel guilty about something she’s done?
Look, you feel strongly about this and so I see no reason why you can’t reclaim the keyring from her yourself and return it to the store. Now you feel good AND you’re not out your hard earned money.
Hell, just tell the store the truth. Go in there, tell the lady in the store that you have a selfish friend who (unknowingly) walked out with a keyring. And while this friend is too lazy or irresponsible to come back and return it or pay for it, you feel bad about the situation, and would like to do something to make it right.
Or better yet, tell your friend that this is what you intend to do. Maybe she’ll decide she has the time to return it after all.
I don’t know how big a store the keywring was taken from. If it is one of those big chain stores, they may not care, or it may screw up their bookwork. If it’s a smaller one, they may take the money, or more likely, they’ll just thank you for your kind gesture and not take the money. But I’d do it anyway, and be prepared to pay the $9.95 if they’ll take it.
Actually, that was part of my argument at the time (something along the lines of if we’d returned it when we realised, we’d be out of here by now), but she was so insistant that we had to go, and that she really would come back later that I let it go for the sake of keeping the peace. This is why I feel guilty now - I should have just climbed out of the car and walked back to the shop. At the time, I had faith in her honesty. Now I’m not so sure.
I think that she views this as a victimless crime - she stole from a shop, not a person. Once I pay for it, not only does the victim have a face, but it’s my face. I think she’ll start feeling the guilt that I haven’t seen so far. And this is a once-only. If she ever does this again, I will tell her that I’m not a friend to thieves, and she is no longer welcome in my home.
I’m so upset now because I didn’t take it seriously at the time. Since then, we’ve been on a shopping trip where she contemplated stealing a pair of boots from a chain store. She weighed up the pros and cons and was about to decide to walk out in them when she suddenly remembered the security cameras and changed her mind. I was relieved she came to that decision on her own, as it saved me telling her that I would call security on her myself if she went ahead with it. But it cast a new light on the earlier incident.
She says she knows me so well, and yet she doesn’t seem to realise that I find theft of any kind deeply offensive. I didn’t put up with my friends shoplifting when I was a teenager, and I’m not going to start now.
Yosemitebabe, thanks. I was wondering how to raise the subject with the store, and I think your post provides a good way for me to approach it.
I was with my friend at the mall, and we went into a store where I found this really hilarious kids’ book called Everybody Poops. I had to have that book, so I picked it up and tucked it under my arm. I fully intended to pay for it, but got so caught up talking to my friend that I walked out of the store holding the book.
A few seconds later, as we were walking in the mall, I realized what I had done.
Cracking up really hard, I went back to the store, explained to the salesclerk what I had done, and paid for the book.
I mean, really. It’s bad enough to buy a book called Everybody Poops, but stealing it is too low even for me.
I wouldn’t wait for her to do it again - if she was so easily compelled to steal the boots, so soon after you displayed your discord for her theft of the keyring… She apparently doesn’t feel as if you’re seriously against it, or offended by her attempts to do so, at least not enough to feel as if she is devaluing your friendship by blatently, and openly going against your own moral values.
I had a friend like this - only her vice was alcohol, and then she became pregnant. And after too many times of trying to convince her why she shouldn’t do it… I finally had to sever all ties with her, because even allowing her in my home, after those times of failed pleading & reasoning, was a method of condoning her behaviour - even though I only wanted to help her see why she should stop, But because I kept forgiving and overlooking, she never had any need to stop, because I never truly put my foot down.
Then I finally did.
On a really sad note - She lost her baby over this, and finally learned the one lesson i could not teach her with my friendship. (I would have never wished that on her, or her child - ever) But i suppose some lessons can only be truly learned the hard way. By being caught and suffering the consequences.
cazzel When I read your OP, my first thought was about the honesty of your friend, and I suspected that it wasn’t the first time they’ve shoplifted.
They made another attempt with you at a later time, well, tell ya the truth, the first order of business is don’t shop with them again. If you’re with your friend when they’re busted, it’s not impossible for you to get nailed as well. This has happened to friends of mine.
Many folks think that shoplifting is victimless. The stores figure the cost of ‘shrinkage’ (breakage, spoilage, and theft) and the costs of theft prevention/store security into the price they charge. So in a very real sense we all pay the price of theft.
