Then hold out until whoever is treating you can say something about why the medication isn’t working. If you feel that they can’t help then I would go to a ward. You absolutely do not have to live with this nonsense. Do everything you can to get better.
Stay strong :(. I really think you should take an extended leave from the army if possible, maybe spend some time with friends and family. If you feel you need to be warded you should do it, or at least go to your doctor to discuss it.
While I’ve never had an anxiety attack I was pretty stressed, listless and low last year and it was terrible being away from home. The mood swings and feelings of uselessness were pretty shitty. The army is not worth losing your sanity over, even if they think you are being lazy. Best of luck.
That’s what an anxiety disorder is like. You know that there’s absolutely no rational basis for your anxiety, but knowing that doesn’t make the anxiety go away.
We’re not angry or bored with you.
No, we’re not, and we are here to help and listen to you. I know the feeling of being scared of EVERYTHING and not knowing how to cope with the smallest things. In my case, geting out of the house and going to work at least got me away from being completely alone with my thoughts.
It must be so scary to have meds that you count on not work for you anymore. This happened to a friend who is bipolar and she did go into the hospital for a week or so while they started over with meds until she got a good result.
Please take care of yourself first and don’t worry as much about what people will think–**you know you have real symptoms **and that you are not malingering. If you can’t function at your everyday tasks, it’s OK to get help. You’re not weak, just sick, and you would get help for a purely physical illness, right?
That happens, with anxiety disorders.
No, it’s not. It’s you being sick, and there’s a big difference. You’re not being dumb any more than someone with untreated (or not properly treated) diabetes is being dumb for having to pee a lot. You have a disease that is not being properly treated right now, and you’re suffering from this because of that, not because you’re stupid or weak.
For you it’s a first. You’re not the first person with an anxiety disorder that this has happened to, and you won’t be the last. It even happens that a medication will be helping you, and then will inexplicably stop.
Or at least can try different medications until they find one that works. Unfortunately, we don’t really know enough about the brain and anxiety disorders to be able to say why one particular medication or therapy works for one person and doesn’t work for someone else.
I don’t think that you should worry about people here feeling angry or bored because if they did feel that way they’d stop posting or reading it. Online communities are a good place to share this stuff because you can get it out and talk about it without real life repercussions, and there are always a lot of other people that deal with the same issues and understand what it feels like and not just what it sounds like.
I’m quite fine with boards; it’s internet chatting that could cause havoc.
I don’t chat anymore because I just kept going faster and faster and it feeds mania, and few people type fast enough to keep up with me and I get irritable if I can’t have 3 conversations moving at light speed. (I’m not implying at all that you’re bipolar or that you have a serious condition like that.)
Just an update…for those who are interested in my little drama.
Everyone in the office spent a week of ‘pretending nothing have happened’ and it seems to have worked well for me. Oh yeah, I do speculate they are talking behind my back. I got the meme that “Everybody thinks I’m weird” but I just take my medication, shut up and do my work. It gets bit better - just that many of them take the same train as me on my way home so they are less of a strangers now. But I don’t count on anyone giving me second chances.
However, adding that incident to stack of the recent melt-downs is sort of bogging me down. I am afraid that I am going to turn into one of those ‘cow-workers’ which many on the Dope feared; you know, the type who is just plain obnoxious, has melt-downs once every month, is the talk of the town and uses his/her anxiety as a shield against everything. The more I think about it the more distressed I get. Am I going to become a blight on society or something? Am I going to turn into a fiend?
In a sense I am not looking forward to my next meeting with my counselor. I don’t feel like talking about it. She’s a temp one assigned to me while the one I have been seeing for a while is on maternity leave, and trust me, Cognition Behavior Therapy does not work on me - at least for some who is as raw as I am. I feel like I am remote control with all my buttons exposed.
(Ironically, whenever I tell my counselor that “I think there isn’t going to be any problem for the coming week”, something happened. Sigh)
I have to see that guy again in about a month time. I guess I better get prepared or something.
Thanks for the update, and I’m glad that it sounds like you’re hanging in there pretty well (all things considered).
I wouldn’t worry about becoming “one of those” cow-orkers. The common factor in most of those cases is that the person in question is entirely unreflective and unconcerned about how their behavior affects others. I don’t see that as a problem for you.
Well, I suppose “I wouldn’t worry” is not the best phrasing considering the kind of anxiety you’re dealing with, but you know what I mean. 
Oh, and though I believe you that CBT isn’t having much of an effect right now, I’d suggest that you keep up with it as your tolerance for such things allows. It’s a bit like exercise, in that it can take a while to see the results. Eventually, as things stabilize for you, you’l find that you’re becoming stronger and more emotionally resilient. Baby steps for now, but you’ll get there.
I wouldn’t focus on what your coworkers think right now. The main thing you should be worried about is getting yourself better. Focus on that now and then deal with coworkers when you’re in a more stable state.
Did you at least get medicine that works? Are you trying both CBT and medication or is your counselor only working with CBT?
If you are getting both then I see no harm in attempting CBT as long as you have your medication.
I tried CBT before; it’s just like I always act before I can think; I always feel before I can think. The previous therapist was doing schema therapy which I -feel- is better…but who can say?
This year is going to be a challenge, I see.
How are you doing now? I’ve been where you are and it is very difficult to get through the days when you feel anxious and out of control. It took the right combination of medication and diet to help me feel better. Someone suggested that I try a protein diet and it helped to stabilize my moods. Exercise helped a little bit also.
I know how you are feeling right now, and I hope that things get better for you soon.