At my college, we only have a graduation ceremony once a year in July.
Of course there are students who might finish their degree any time during the year (depending on when they started school, and how their grades are) so this question comes up a lot - should they come back to walk in the ceremony.
For college, a lot of these kids are the first in their family to graduate, so yeah - kind of a big deal and family and friends want to see the whole ceremony and cap and gown and yada yada.
However, what I also tell my students is “think of the money…”
Seriously - many have given money to friends and family over the years for weddings, christenings, high school and college graduations, etc. Now it is their turn.
Our school offers real “Invites” for people who you think might actually show up to watch the ceremony, but also they give “Announcements” that can be sent to people who probably won’t show up (out of state, out of the country, no interest in going there).
I tell my students to send out as many as they can think of…and maybe get back an envelope with five bucks or whatever - but this it “their turn” to get a graduation gift or two. If people send nothing, so be it. Crass? Maybe. But at least in my family, giving a few bucks to a recent graduate was a normal process and considering 98% of my students are cash poor when they graduate, every little gift helps.
Go ahead and complain that I am turning this into a “gift grab”, but as long as they have spent four years working to get that diploma, and as long as they might be considering going for the whole ceremony and perhaps have a small party at home afterward, they might as well take this opportunity to get back some of what they have probably given over the years.
Wow- you sure did read a lot into jz78817’s post. It *is *possible to have hated high school with a passion and not have been traumatized/ damaged by it.
I can understand why some kids might not want to do it. At my son’s, there were cheers and applause for some students as they walked, silence for most. One last popularity contest to send kids on their way into the world.
If your son doesn’t want to go, don’t guilt him into it.
His post has the hallmarks of a typical Doper who is still angry over high school. What’s it matter to you, anyway? Let me guess, you “hated high school with a passion.”
Thank y’all for your answers.
I asked him again today and he still says no.
This is high school btw.
I really don’t care, but his grandmother does. Since she helped raise him I think her feelings matter. I told him it’s up to him but he has to tell his grandmother and deal with her reaction.
I am going to double check to make sure it’s optional, although I’m pretty sure it is.
If you or another family member really want to see him walk, make him. He didn’t make it to graduation on his own, so it may be a good time to teach him that sometimes you have to sit in an auditorium for a few hours to make an old woman that changed your freaking diapers happy.
I really didn’t want to walk in high school. High school certainly wasn’t traumatizing to me, I was pretty well-adjusted and had a pretty easy time socially. But seniors were officially “done” almost a week before graduation, and walking meant that I would have to come in for an additional half-day to pick up the robes, get instructions, get lined up, etc. Plus the actual graduation, which would take up 4 or 5 hours on a SATURDAY. I basically told my Mom “I didn’t go to school for 13 years so I could hang out there for an extra 2 days after I was done.” Of course she basically said “Tough beans, we’re paying for your college. I’m going to watch you walk across the stage.”
As far as “things my parents made me do” go it wasn’t that bad. I got my revenge though when college graduation came up. My parents let me know that “Of course we’ll come up if you really want us there, but if you don’t really want us there or don’t want to do the ceremony, we totally understand.” I told them “Hell no, you have to be there. You made me walk in high school, now I’m going to make you drive two hours, take me out to breakfast, and sit in a gymnasium while 1,500 complete strangers walk across a stage. Oh, and I’m going to be really hungover so don’t expect any good pictures.” He who laughs last…
No, not if be doesn’t want to. I received my university degrees in absentia, the only member of my family to (everyone else had the ceremony), and 15 years later I still have no regrets. It’s a chicken processing line, and only of value if the person involved finds it valuable. Celebrate the way he would prefer - nice dinner, new job hunting suit, trip away or whatever.
Me neither. I got a good close-up view of high school graduation when I was in Jr. High School: I was in the band, playing “Pomp And Circumstance” over and over and over, slowly. In the rain. I swore, when it came my turn, I was going to be at home, in perfect comfort, and it was an oath I was happy to keep.
My mother and grandmother forced me to. Thrice (High School, BA, MA). I’ll probably end up doing it again when Law School is finished.
I found it tedious, but it made them both happy. OP, if you don’t give a shit, and nor does he, then there’s no point. Unless you think he’ll regret it later, which, given that it’s like 2 hours worth of time, you may as well just do just to hedge your bets…
I finished high school in 1990. I had to think pretty hard to remember if I DID attend the graduation ceremony. I am now certain I did, because I beleive I went to the party directly from there. But I don’t really remember the ceremony, so evidently it didn’t really matter.
I remember getting my university degree. I showed up for that. That’s actually an accomplishment of sorts, whereas high school was just what I did because I was a teenager; it didn’t really seem like an accomplishment, and so the ceremony didn’t matter enough for me to even remember it.
As much as I love this place, the Dope tends to skew heavily towards asocial behavior, so sure, feel free to let him ignore this recognition of a milestone. Some people would consider that it isn’t just for him, but for others that are proud of their accomplishment and want to celebrate it with their friends and peers, but… what the heck… who cares?
This is one of those questions that I’m amazed someone actually asks, but then I remember where I am. And yes I’m fully expecting someone (or several) to post that it is my issue and fighting social norms should be admired. In other words, I agree with Scumpup.
I’d say something like “It’s up to you, but think about how granny feels.”
The High School I graduated from I only attended for one year. I did the ceremony because I didn’t really know any better. I had my picture taken for the yearbook but didn’t buy one. I would have skipped the university ceremony but I was the first in the family to ever get a degree so my parents made a big deal of it.
Neither of my children graduated high school. My daughter dropped out her senior year, and my son didn’t have enough credits to finish, and when he came back to school the next year to take that one class, they told him to find another school. These were the most heart-breaking years of my life to date, and if I could go back and change things and see them walk across that stage I would. They would both like to be able to look back and see that moment, too, now that they are older and wiser and both have their GED and are less rebellious.
If your son is so not involved in his high school community and has no friends to celebrate with, then fine, let him be the name that gets called and everyone looks around for. Or the empty chair up there on the stage. But he has to weigh this against his grandma’s disappointment and possible embarassment amongst her friends. Grandmas have long memories, and if this is important to her and he doesn’t want to hear about it for the next 30 years, then he should just endure a few hours of boredom.
It’s 100% his choice…but I would encourage him to do it. I don’t remember my HS graduation too clearly, but the fact is, I did it. It was a good marker to let me know I was out of school.
I never completed college. However I am currently going back to school. When I graduate this time, you bet your ass I’m taking that walk - it’ll be a real achievement.
I regret going to my high school graduation. It was indeed stupid and a waste of time.
I missed my undergraduate ceremony due to a family holiday but the parents turned up for my MA ceremony (which, while still tedious, had its bright moments).
If there’s another family member for whom seeing your son graduate would mean a great deal, I’d encourage him to do it for them. If nobody is particularly interested, skip it and have a nice family dinner out or a party instead.
Really… so your life would be better if you hadn’t gone? No chance that your Mom, Dad, Grandma, Classmates, etc. may have thought it was nice that you were there? Ever think about those kids who this may be the peak of their achievements who may have thought that it was cool that a kid as cool as Gyrate could also spend an hour or two celebrating with them?
