OK, I’m going to leave the previous reply up there, but since you’ve revealed a few more facts… if you don’t want to go the “leave of absence” route (though I don’t think it’s as bad for your image as what you’re doing now), then I think you need to emphasize, in a face-to-face conversation, that the job has gotten too big, and that he needs another person (part-time, at least), to get it all done.
Although, given the professionalism (NOT!) of your boss, I’d recommend taking the long walk – get disability leave, get treatment, and get out of there and into a real company with a more structured, more professional atmosphere.
I think this is the best advice I have ever been given. I’m just scared that when it comes time to actually have this conversation, I’ll choke. That’s why I was thinking of sending an email .. which upon re-reading, does seems pretty crazy. I’m torn .. half of me doesn’t want to lose this job, as the pay and benefits are better than anything else I’ll find. Even half time here would pay more than full time at a minimum wage type place. But the other half of me wants to quit right now, and never walk back. I’m so, so tired of the stress and anxiety that it’s bringing. Of course, I’m also stressed and anxious about finding a new job, especially if I get fired from this one. It’s not that big a town, and word travels fast. If I quit, I honestly don’t know if I’ll find work as a bookkeeper again.
But I do think you hit the nail on the head with your second post, where I think I need a more structured job. Half my problems relate to the fact that I can’t keep up anymore with everything I’m supposed to do, and I think some external structure would help with that a lot.
Thanks for that, that’s the first good laugh I’ve had in a long time. I actually had to open up leachblock to post this thread, I’ve blocked the SDMB (and many other time wasters, tvtropes being the worst) during business hours. The problem is that I can waste time just as well using nothing more than google and wikipedia, both of which I use to look up things for my bosses on a regular basis.
Then reply to his email simply acknowledging the poor quality of your work and state that you’d like to have a frank sit-down discussion with him regarding your recent performance. If he won’t be in the office again for several weeks, request a phone call when your boss has the time.
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I guess part of me just wants to escape the situation. I never even though of this letter as a threat to commit suicide. I just wanted to show how much I was suffering over this. The boss in question is aware that I suffer from depression, and that has been the cause of my sub-par work as of late, and that I am back on meds. I just think he’s frustrated (as I am) that I am not improving fast enough. I also think he doesn’t really understand what depression is, thinking its just a blue mood that I can shake off with enough mental fortitude. (I so wish he was right) Right now I’m just losing hope that I’ll ever get caught up, and trying to plan it to minimize the fallout when the house of cards gets knocked down.
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Your boss is not your friend; he’s your boss. He pays you to get work done with an acceptable level of quality. While he may make an effort to understand your depression, his motivation to do so lies primarily in an attempt to figure out how to get you to do the work. Also, it is not your job to “minimize the fallout”. It’s part of your job to present your boss with an honest assessment of the current workloads and situation; your boss is the one with the ultimate responsibility of managing resources appropriately.
The way to escape the situation is for you to lay out what you’re looking for from a job and an employer, for your boss to lay out what he is looking for from an employee, and for the two of you to collaborate on a solution. If, after you put your heads together, the two of you can’t figure out a solution that meets both your needs, you part ways.
Just so everyone knows, I deleted that email. I sent a different one, only addressing the factual concerns he brought up. I apologized for making him look bad, and told him I’d like to have a meeting with him next week after the long weekend, saying that I need some help. Now I just need a plan for that conversation …
When I say minimize the fallout, I am referring to the fallout in my personal life as the breadwinner in my family. If I get fired for cause, I get nothing, not even EI. If I quit for medical reasons, I might get disability and/or EI. I’m not sure, I’ve never taken disability, and I’m afraid that because my disability is all in my head, that I might be fighting an uphill battle to get it.
My 3rd boss likes to be everyone’s friend, he is a very friendly person. I have to force myself to remember that he is my boss, and does not necessarily have my best interests at heart. I’ve been thinking about updating my resume for a while now, but between the fear of the unknown and loyalty to the company, I haven’t done anything yet.
I’ve been a co-leader of an anxiety support group in real life for a couple of years now, and I was wondering if you were one of my group members who is in almost exactly the same place as you. He made a comment about being suicidal/hurting someone online, his company found out about it, and before he knew what was happening, he was on medical leave and required to visit a psychiatrist. On the plus side, the company can’t fire him because of his disability. We normally don’t recommend telling bosses about mental health issues, but in your case, I think it would be a good move - they know something’s wrong, they can see it affecting your work - telling them that you are having depression and anxiety problems could be a very good move for you.
I don’t have any medical backup for this, but I think marijuana makes anxiety worse. I’m pretty sure you aren’t doing yourself any favours with this self-medication.
Not to derail the thread much, but not necessarily. Marijuana is frequently prescribed for anti-anxiety. It depends how psychologically dependent you are on it and how long you’ve been smoking, because paranoia gets worse the longer you smoke it (generally measured in years or decades). It’s not categorically bad for anxiety.
If OP states that MJ is bad for him in his current state, then I will grant he knows what he’s talking about and should work on getting clean if that’s what he thinks will help him. But that’s not generalizable data.
If you can’t handle being the sole breadwinner for your family, let your spouse know! I work part-time in part because my husband was under so much stress being the sole breadwinner. I make a fraction of what he does, but it’s made a world of difference to him. And us.
If your youngest just started school, there is no reason why your spouse cannot help out with the bills, especially since the stress of working 40+ hours is leading you to think of suicide. Ideally, your marriage is a partnership, so don’t leave one of the partners in the dark.
There’s a big difference in working a full 40 hour week (fair, given that you’re being paid to work 40 hours a week) and having to work 50 or 60 hours a week in order to accomplish everything you’re being asked to handle. In the discussion with your boss, be sure to outline that your work load has increased dramatically. Ask if there’s any way they can hire a contractor to help out in the short term so that you can catch up. In short, work together towards a common goal.
If you’re in the USA simply see your doctor and explain that you are terribly stressed out and need a leave of absence for your job. Doctor’s are pretty sympathetic about this.
Then simply go to your boss and tell them you’ve been ill and you just went to a doctor and he told you that you need to take some time off. You can get up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave (assuming your business is large enough to make them fall under the FMLA)
If they ask you why you are sick, tell them it’s “Female problems” or “Male problems” and leave it at that. The employer has no right to know what is your illness. They DO have every right to ask for a doctor’s note to justify your leave. Your doctor will write you a note that will not disclose the cause just that you need it.
Then take those 12 weeks and look for another job while you’re trying to pull yourself together.
The fact that your job changed is not going to hold any water. Unemployment is high and people are expected to do more and work for less money now. For now the employers hold all the cards.
If someone doesn’t like you, it’s very easy to get rid of an employee so you don’t do yourself any favours by trying to make a case for yourself when your bosses have decided already and especially since you acknowledge the issues yourself.
So get your note, take your leave, and look for a job while you try to get your stress under control.
From your location it appears you are in Canada. I don’t know Canadian laws or the laws of your province, but I am going to take an educated guess and say that you do need to ensure that your communications with your boss reflect that you have a medical condition and that you need a leave from work to deal with your medical condition and that your subpar performance is a direct result of your medical condition. You want to remain professional, and in that sense I absolutely agree with everyone else about the other email; but definitely lay the groundwork for your medical leave, disability pay and, depending on the applicable laws, the length of your leave, and your ability to perform your job at some later date, reinstatement. Good luck. And yes you need a leave right away, it appears to me, and good for you for taking the right steps --realizing that you need help, realizing that some things are not an option, and being willing to get the help you need. Keep us posted.
Slight nitpick, and forgive me, Cat, but in Canada, we draw a distinction between labour laws (those that deal with unionized workers) and employment laws (those that deal with non-unionized workers). I don’t know which applies to the OP, but it is an important distinction when one is seeking advice in job situations.
Regardless, employment standards legislation or labour standards legislation, whichever is applicable, will help guide the OP in what he chooses to do. I will say that generally speaking, all it takes for a medical leave is a physician’s note. I’d suggest that the OP get one, and I’d also advise the OP to look into short-term disability (STD) coverage, if he has it. Employers typically won’t pay wages for employees who are on disability once the initial sick leave is exhausted, which is why they make STD available.
OP, do not send that note. If you are stressed, depressed, etc.; that’s fine (well, it isn’t, but bear with me); but your employer does not need to know that. Your physician should be able to write a general note that the employer must respect and cannot enquire further about, owing to doctor-patient confidence. Talk with your physician and see what he or she recommends.
