I discovered today that I have seriously overestimated my employer’s compassion for a difficult situation.
My husband was deployed to Afghanistan last February. I’ve been struggling with a huge increase in anxiety and depression to the point where my work product was suffering. My supervisor had pointed out some of my failures to meet deadlines during my last two semi-annual reviews. I was surprised at the tone of his reviews but not the contents of it.
After the deployment, not having to go to an office was not a positive thing (I work out of my home). I was able to indulge myself as I saw fit without anyone looking over my shoulder. I got behind. My work started to show signs problems.
A little background. I’m an insurance adjuster. I’ve done this job for 25+ years and still enjoy it very much. I like the freedom of working out of my home and until the deployment, I was able to balance work and home very successfully. Prior to my husband’s deployment, my work was excellent and used as an example to others in the company. My work product was even mandated as ‘company policy’ for other adjusters to follow. I’ve never even had a negative performance review in my entire career.
I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression all my life. It was finally diagnosed in 1999 when my mom died. I started taking Paxil and was fairly well adjusted until the deployment. My ability to concentrate and focus on my job began to unravel and I’ve been struggling ever since. I’ve been hanging on by my fingernails for quite some time but was not aware that we had gotten to this.
My husband is my soul mate. For him to be gone for this long is an extreme hardship on me. We have a very committed, loving relationship that I’ve not seen equaled. He’s not expected to be home until sometime this spring (at the earliest) or this fall (at the latest). I know that my performance level will improve as my anxiety level decreases.
Now for today. My boss called me to tell me that he was PO’d because I didn’t call him back when he expected me to. This was just the icing on the proverbial cake as far as he was concerned. I found out that he went to his boss and the HR Department today. I am anticipating that it’s not a matter of “if” I’ll be fired but rather “when”. He was clear that he feels he’s given me enough “chances to improve.” I have apparently been living in Delusionville thinking that although my performance was not the best, that he understood the problem and would work with me.
I’ve been in a similar situation (had my work suffer because I was severely depressed, and had a very unsympathetic boss).
Can you afford to take some time off to try to recuperate? Depression is not something to mess with. Also, you would be in a better position to do well at your next job if you could take some time off to try to feel better.
If not, I’d recommend starting to look for a new job before, not after, the axe falls. Maybe something a little less demanding–at least as long as you’re not feeling 100%?
My deep sympathies. I know how unfair and hurtful it can be to suddenly not be able to perform up to your capabilities and expectations because of depression…and to be treated like you’re just slacking.
I’m sorry to hear that, Ruby - I hope your husband comes back soon.
As far as work goes, is there anyone higher up you could go to to highlight your prior good record? And might working in the office help while your husband’s still away? I’ve found working at home to only exacerbate depression; the routine of going to and from work might help, maybe?
Regardless, I hope your bosses find a bit of compassion. It sounds like you deserve it…
As far as my past performance goes, my boss told me today that it has no relevance to what is going on right now. They are paying me for what I’m doing right now and what I did a year ago was just that…a year ago. I was stunned.
I also can’t work in the office for this company as the closest office is over 200 miles away. I do think, though, that I may not have had as much trouble if I had to go to an office every day.
It seems to me that not even Ruby is suggesting that there isn’t some justification for her termination; she was just hoping that her boss might be a little more understanding. Even if she does deserve to be terminated, the least we can do is show some sympathy. And i’d have thought that those of us on the left could also show some solidarity with a worker in a tough position.
I’m the same way, I need a structured environment to really get things done.
Can you freelance in your field? Are you covered by your husband’s insurance? Anyone at your office willing to give tou a recommendation, even if (obviously) not your boss?
I fear the above post may seem more callous than I intended it too.
From a purely personal perspective, I sympathize and I feel for you. I get out of sorts if my wife is out of town for a day, so I can’t imagine how rough it must be for you without your husband.
I also understand that anxiety and depression are real physiological syndromes and not just slacking.
But from youyr employer’s perspective, if you can’t do your job (however legitimate the reasons) then they can’t be blamed for letting you go.
I understand your point and to a degree, I even agree with it.
I was expecting business decisions to be made with the facts AND compassion. No, I’m not performing to standard today. Yes, this is temporary and repairable.
I was wrong. Compassion shouldn’t even be in the same sentence as business.
My entire career and reputation mean nothing to my current employer. Sorry, but I was surprised.
I don’t really see anything all that lacking of compassion in this, to be honest. I know your work last year was great, and you expect to be back at great by this time next year. And if we were talking short-term temporary, I’d be right there with you in expecting them to cut you some slack. But we’re not talking about things that have gone on for a few weeks and are on their way to getting better. We’re talking about things that have been bad enough to give you bad reviews for over six months, that aren’t going to get a lick better for at least a few more months. That’s almost a year that your performance will have been sub-par by the time your hubby gets home. And, well, there’s only so long that we can expect people to cut us slack for personal issues, especially at work.
Personally I think a business should be understanding of problems like this. I was in the Army for many years and I know the hardship it can cause. I personally left only a mother and (much lesser degree) a father to fret about me back home because I never felt I could get into a serious relationship when I was being moved all over the world.
But I don’t think it’s reasonable for them to show compassion in the way you are asking. I don’t think their compassion should be “you are going through a rough personal time, so we don’t care if you suck at work” it should be “you are going through a rough personal time, and yes of course we will allow you to take a leave of absence and will welcome you back with open arms when you feel better.”
As a manager, I can say that while I definitely feel for you in the situation, I have been in the position of letting people go because of similar circumstances. I did have an individual who did have outstanding past performance, but had cut back to part time to work another job he considered as primary. Due to a variety of issues, his performance suffered. Mostly, it was absences. Eventually he ended up just quitting without notice (after we offered him basically to take advantage of FMLA, LOA or some other leave but no more just calling in) but he was on the road to being fired if the pattern continued.
I deal with a high-turnaround group of people. I have heard stories far worse than yours. People who have been on statewide news broadcasts because of horrible family ‘problems’, people whose relatives were on drugs and they were taking time off to try to keep them from killing themselves or running off, people who were dealing with death of family or friends, and so on. I still have to hold these people to a certain level of performance. Heck, I will consider great past performance – to a point. However, if your performance is bad because of your out-of-work problems consistently for months with no sign that it’s getting better, I’m sorry, but that’s not acceptable.
Have you looked into other employment policies with HR for taking leave? If depression is clinical, it may be covered by FMLA or disability leave. Examine your options, but you can’t expect an employer to keep you on because of compassion. I bet that person’s boss won’t keep their job because of compassion when their manager sees that they are allowing their people to keep their job, and I bet customers won’t pay more or expect less because of compassion.
You’ve had your warnings, you got the phone calls… you knew this was coming. Why would you think the company would sympatize with you because your husband is on the other side of the world and you suffer from a pre-existing medical condition? To top it off, you work from home (a big "no-no"in my book). At the time of your husband’s deployment, you should have found your way into the structured environment of an office AWAY from home. Being home by yourself only help to put you into a deep hole than you were originally. All this advice after the fact, but I hope everything works out for the best for you.
You know your boss better than anyone. But, if it were me, I’d bite the bullet. I would definitely refer to my past performance, but by way of stating that 'I plan on returning to that level or higher". I would ask about EAP and find out if that’s an option.
Even if compassion isn’t doable for this particular boss, it seems as if logic would be. After all, if your previous experience is pristine, and there is an obvious cause for your lack of recent performance, it seems to me that it would be more cost effective in the long run to retain a good employee.
Speaking as a bona fide employer-type, your boss is full of shit. Your long and exemplary work record most certainly is relevant. From a purely pragmatic viewpoint, its the height of stupidity to toss away a seasoned, stellar employee who’s going through a rough time. From an even more pragmatic (legal) viewpoint, he’s insane if he tries to fire you out of hand.
I don’t care if you’ve had two so-so performance reviews over 6 months. That’s peanuts stacked up against 25 years, especially since you can document significant causative factors in real life. Unless this guy laid down a concentrated plan of feedback and goals for you, he’s dead meat. Can he show that he set goals for you? Did he check on your progress and offer coaching, counseling, etc? Those aren’t warm fuzzies; they’re crucial to show reasonable effort to help an employee succeed. Two bad evaluations in six months out an otherwise exemplary 25 year career won’t cut it. Any halfway decent lawyer or employement benefits reviewer would chew up your boss and spit him out. And remember, you’re in the protected class for age if you’re over 40.
I’m pissy about this because I am a boss, and it sounds like your boss skated around handling a problem he didn’t want to handle. It’s flat out WRONG to toss away a good, long-time employee from a business standpoint as well as from a human one. Yeah, you let your performance slip and that was wrong too. But that doesn’t absolve your boss from giving you a genuinely fair shot at riding out your troubles.
Don’t instantly cave, Ruby. Be very cool and slow before agreeing to agree to anything. And the best of luck to you, no matter what happens.
