I was getting the “too late” vibe from you earlier, so I didn’t suggest this.
Actually, though, what you should do is go talk to the head of HR, not your boss. Do you get short-term or long-term disability benefits? If you’re afraid of getting fired, and these are a possibility, run to HR and tell them your current troubles are due to your depression. Get your doctor to back this up. Do it fast, before your boss has a chance to get you fired.
HR will know what your rights are with respect to this. Your boss sounds predisposed to think you are “making excuses” and are “not entitled” to benefits because he’s already decided to give you the boot.
I hate to sound pessimistic, Veb, but what good does it do for me to fight this? Let’s assume that he doesn’t have all of his t’s crossed and i’s dotted to legally fire me, what good does it do me to have a job that he wants me out of?
I agree that it would be better for the company to try to rehabilitate me than take a chance on a newbie. Maybe I’ve been giving that too much credence as well.
HE went to HR today so I don’t think I can do anything in that regard. However, I am currently in therapy for the anxiety/depression so I don’t think I’d have any trouble backing it up.
Call HR first thing tomorrow. Tell them your side of the story. It is very likely not too late.
Even after my immediate supervisors decided I was using my “claims” of depression to “cover” for my “lack of professional skills,” and even after they told HR that was their opinion, HR at my company still listened to my doctors and referred my case to the long-term disability insurance carrier. It was approved, and I’m currently on LTD for bipolar disorder.
It can’t hurt to remind him of your long, exemplary record. Look at it this way, what do you have to lose? What comes across very clearly to me is that your boss hasn’t done HIS job. He prefers ignoring a problem until he can make it all go away with one drastic gesture. You can remind him–directly or subtlely–that his plate isn’t clean either, and that his grand gesture could cost him a helluva lot more trouble and money than working with you.
Do you really want this job? How important is it to you, financially and emotionally? If you decide you’d rather make a change, give yourself a little time to get yourself together before trying again, then at the very least you’re in excellent position to demand being allowed to resign. And lobby hard for a good reference, too, or at least have some lined up. That would eliminate unemployment benefits for you but it would give you a cleaner start elsewhere.
All I’m saying is that you’ve been hit by repeated blows. Employees, even the best of 'em, aren’t machines. Superman was allergic to Kryptonite. Take full responsibility for letting your performance slide–they have relied on you too–BUT don’t take on more than your due share. They have some responsiblity toward you as well, as a human being and an excellent employee.
TVeblin stole my post, (twice) so I’ll just suggest reading her posts again. As a supervisor for over 27 years, I can say that there’s no way they should be able to fire you without giving you more notices and opportunity to improve than they’ve done.
Is there an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) where you work? Contact them.
Any supervisor worth the title will go to great lengths to retain and/or rehabilitate an employee who has been the standard setter for years. “What have you done lately” is BS. It might work as a scare tactic, if your supervisor is immature and likes to use scare tactics, but it won’t hold water at a hearing.
I wish I would have asked for Veb’s advice before I panicked at my last job and quit, after twelve really good years and then an onslaught of criticism from a new HR manager.
I thought I was safe. Every day people said things like “What would this place do without you?” and “You’re the only one who knows what’s going on” and “Thanks for your help.” But they weren’t the ones making the decisions.
I’ve since realized that the new manager was at least partly right – my performance reviews were fine and I was working my butt off – but I had cocooned myself in my comfort zone at a time when management was demanding more. It wasn’t enough to do your job and do it well. This was viewed as “complacency” and it was sought out and eradicated. I ignored this. I shouldn’t have been surprised when he came at me.
Something to ask yourself is how badly you want to keep this job. Is it possible that your performance is at least partly due to boredom with the work? That it’s not 100% related to your husband being away?
If you’ve been an insurance adjustor for 25 years, you can probably do the job one-handed and using only half your brain.
Maybe it’s time for a change and a new challenge. ?
If you’re determined to stay, follow Veb’s advice and put your boss’s feet to the fire. A good manager does much more than criticize and threaten.
It would probably be in your best interests right now to have a meeting with your supervisor and HR, and be completely candid with them, stressing that you are willing to do what it takes to work this out. Explain to them that you are having difficulties in your personal life, that you thought you could handle it and keep on performing, but it has turned out to be harder than you thought, and you would like to either cut back or take a leave of absence. If they deny it, I believe you would have grounds for a wrongful dismissal. If this was a physical problem rather than a psychological one, giving you proper leave to heal would be automatic. Don’t settle for less.
First off, how well documented is your history of depression? If it IS documented, and you’re willing to do it, talk to an employment lawyer ASAP. It is possible you may be covered partially, at least, by the ADA.
Secondly, talk to your husband’s unit’s ombudsman, they may be able to help, even if only to suggest a lawyer you can talk to quickly.
I’m a lawyer, and I think it’s perfectly fine to wait to find a lawyer until you start having troubles getting your due from HR.
First, I’d recommend finding out what benefits your employer provides for EAP, short-term disability, and/or long-term disability, so you know what’s available.
Second, do some quick research into the law. Talking to your husband’s ombudsman is a really good idea here. These are common and basic questions, and you don’t need a lawyer to be able to get the gist of them.
I think you should skip right over your boss, if he already knows you’re having problems with depression, and talk only to HR. He’s shown that he’s totally unsympathetic. And when it comes to getting disability benefits, a work supervisor doesn’t get any say. It’s a matter for HR.
It is a judgement call, I’ll admit. The advantage of bringing a lawyer to your meeting with HR, or even saying that you’ve contacted one who will be representing you if this action continues, is that you’ve put a clear message that you’re not willing to roll over. You can accomplish the same thing, often, but simply asking whether you need a lawyer if HR isn’t sympathetic. It’s a matter of whether you want to appear confrontational at first, or not.
The problem I have is as a mental health consumer (Excuse me, I’m a patient, damnit. I’m not doing this for fun. sheesh) is that the majority of employers do not have much understanding or sympathy towards mental health problems. (Speaking as someone who is now a cheap, hack freelance writer often keeping his head barely above water, because he can’t even get a frigging McJob.) You’ve got work you’ve proven you can do, and until this past year have been doing well - don’t give that up without a fight. That’s why I’m advising going in with as big a gun as you can find to see HR.
(Of course, I’m also not particularly following this advice, myself - I don’t see the point of winning an ADA suit to be given a frigging McJob. Talk about your lose/lose scenarios.)
Ruby, what I’d do if given a chance to do so is to give them your PLAN for dealing with the situation and getting back to where you need to be. Just a vague “I’ll try to get better” won’t do it. You have to say something like “I plan to talk to my doctor about changing my medication, and I plan to increase my therapy sessions to two a week. I plan to get into a more structured work environment by _____________________. I anticipate that this should have me back to my old productive self in ________days/weeks.”
Thank you so very much for all of your good advice.
I had a complete meltdown Tuesday night/Wednesday morning and I ended up in the hospital for a 3-day stay after a psych-eval. I just got home today. A change in meds and I’m feeling a lot better. I’m still not 100% but mucho better. I have a Return to Work order for Monday so I’m pretty nervous about how to handle this whole situation.
I’ve called my home office HR rep who was very professional, courteous, and understanding. She’s suggested that I contact our disability provider now so that the ball will be in motion if I have to take more time off work.
My therapist offered to talk with my supervisor to explain more about my situation and hopefully teach him something about anxiety/depression. Unfortunately, he declined to discuss it and referred her to our local HR grunt. I didn’t sign a Release of Information for her to talk with HR so she couldn’t.
I’ve written a plan for how to resolve the performance issues that have concerned my supervisor. I’m also considering requesting way more communication from my direct supervisor. I’d like to see a weekly teleconference where we could talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly. I’ve asked him in the past to talk with me more and he hasn’t done so.
Since I work in insurance claims which specializes in litigation, I’m not sure a pre-emptive strike with an attorney would be a good idea. I will keep that in mind, though, for a later date. I hope to hell that I don’t need one.
Again, thanks everyone. I’d like a few good DoperVibes[sup]TM[/sup] next week. I’m afraid I’m going to need them!
IANAL and all those other qualifiers, but the following struck me as something that should be part of the discussion with HR regarding your performance:
You know, losing this job might not be the worst thing that could ever happen to you. I work from home, so I understand the dynamic. If you’re home alone all day with nothing but work in front of you, it’s easy to become depressed from that alone. Forget about it if you already have issues that are bringing you down. Going to an office at least gives you more opportunity to get out of the house and interact with people, even if it’s not an ideal social situation. It might actually be better to have this change forced on you than to stay in a ugly, unhappy situation.
I think the reason your boss is being such a hard ass is that he expected you to take steps to fix the problem sometime within the last year that they’ve been brought to your attention. You haven’t, and the company has been giving you money month after month when you’ve not been giving back to them the work they expect. Now that he’s serious about canning you, you’re finally taking steps to fix it, it’s not a particularly positive way to handle problems.
I’m so glad you’re doing better, Ruby. I’ve been wondering how you were.
It sounds like you’ve done exactly what needed to be done: got help for yourself, and notified HR that you have some temporary health issues that have impeded your performance. It’s great that you’ve also set up a performance plan for yourself.
If I may say so, your direct supervisor sounds like an incompetent dickhead. He’s familiar with litigation but still blew off his basic responsiblities?! Sheesh, some people have to be hit upside the head with a big brick before facts sink in. See, he should have been the one to step in as soon as your performance began to slip. He should have 1. notified you of his dissatisfaction and concern, 2. attempted to determine causes and 3. set up a plan to resolve the problems. Full stop. No waffling. He blew it. I don’t care if it was awkward or difficult for him. It goes with the job title and pay. He was, and is, plainly negligent. If he doesn’t know it, betcha HR does.
I’m furious that it got so bad you required hospitalization. That’s flat-out unacceptable from any viewpoint, business or common decency. A stellar, long-term employee who’s been battered by real life blows is entitled to some loyalty and responsibility back from an employer. The law’s pretty damned clear on that, and for good reason. Your employer is required to help you over the rough spot, not add even more stress when you’re already wrung out. I’ve had good employees who’ve been hit with everything from family suicides to domestic battery. Better believe they got help 1. handling the underlying problem and 2. carrying on with work in the meantime. They sure as HELL didn’t have to worry about having a sword prickling their necks at work as well when they were most vulnerable.
I hope it doesn’t come to any type of legal action either, Ruby, but don’t reject the idea out of hand. Frankly, depression and anxiety don’t help clear decision making (which I’m quite sure your putz of a supervisor is quite aware). I didn’t know about military omsbudsmen but that would be a great starting point. Getting your therapist involved is also excellent. Don’t let them buffalo you out of healing time. You’ve earned it and they know it.
Ruby, I’m sorry to hear you had to go into the hospital, but it sounds like you’re getting some good from it - so not too sorry.
I understand all the reasons you’ve given in your post for what you’ve done and not done, and that’s your choice.
I would like to ask, specifically, have you talked to your husband’s unit’s ombudsman? My ship, while I was in, had a very good one - and this kind of problem is one of the things that they are there to help with. Don’t be too proud, stubborn, or embarassed to ask for help from this source, please. I can’t guarantee that they’ll have anything concrete to offer you, but they do tend to be very good about moral support, if nothing else is available.
Tell HR this is a “reasonable accommodation” you need. Tell your supervisor this, and ask HR to tell him, too. If he doesn’t do it, remind him that this is a “reasonable accommodation” you need to be able to perform your job, given your medical difficulties, and report him to HR, saying he needs a reminder.
This will make them think you have a lawyer, and will put them on their best behavior. Having HR ride his ass will help you not feel like you’re in this fight alone.
I’m on long-term disability for major depression/bipolar disorder, and I went through a lot of what you did (I stayed at work 18 months before taking LTD). My supervisor did not believe that my work troubles were caused by my illness.
I’ve learned a lot about how to handle it. Please feel free to email me for advice or whatever any time. I’m also a lawyer, so I may be able to help you with that aspect of it.
Thanks, Q N Jones. In my business, there are words and phrases that we hear from claimants that can tell us if they’ve talked to an attorney so I really appreciate the help. I’ll be working on my return-to-work plan this weekend so thanks for the email offer.
