Because actions have consequences. This is one of the things a child needs to learn in order to become a functional adult. Otherwise they’ll end up being one of those people who go around saying “Why do these things always happen to me?”
OP: “This isn’t the first time he’s forgotten it.” And having to eat a granola bar instead of a full lunch isn’t “severe”.
I thought it said it was the first time, and I misread it. In that case, I’m going to have to know a whole lot more about this kid before I make any judgement, but a granola bar for lunch would have been pretty friggin severe for me as a pre-teen.
If not the first time = not the first time this month, then I might consider letting him be hungry. If not the first time = not the first time in the past two years, then he gets to eat.
Don’t they also need to learn that they should be able to rely on family members?
So how about leave the “actions have consequences” stuff to when the child does something naughty?
Wow, so did I 
Yes, as long as their family members are only one strategy. Their family members won’t always be there, whether it’s because of job commitments, geographic distance or death.
Like what? Seriously, throw me something and let me see what I can work out. I may crib a page from my favoritest parenting book in the world, though: Parenting With Love and Logic.
Usually, but not always, there’s a natural consequence for every infraction which teaches far more effectively than another person can through punishment. (And if there’s not, then perhaps the parent needs to examine whether the rule needs to be there.) And the great bit about it is that then you, the parent, are free to provide tea and sympathy, as well as love and support, while the kid learns to solve her own problems.
The question is almost always whether or not the parent can stand to see their kid struggle a little bit. Just like when they’re two and they want to spread the peanut butter on their own toast - it’s so tempting and so much faster and more efficient to take the spreader away and do it for them, but then they never learn how to do it themselves!
Jeez. This thread makes me realize I love my mommy so much more.
I could always depend on her for ANYTHING if I needed the help…
Even now(I’m 23), If i called her up and said my car had a flat tire and I missed dinner or something like that- she’d probably find a way to drive over and pick me up and then we’d go get dinner or something. Though I wouldn’t do that, because I’ve learned not to inconvenience her, and to do things on my own, but that lesson certainly wasn’t taught by having neglected my lunches (or as more likely in my case- forgotten homework assignments. So many forgotten homework assignments-_- ))
I think I’ll go call her and tell her I love her some more.
The other problem with these situations is that we are jumping in at a random point in time. Yes, he’s forgotten his lunch in the past, but we don’t know if it’s frequent, rare, whether or not he’s promised to do better, or acted like mom is his gofer, or if nothing was ever said about him improving his morning routine.
From a general standpoint, I’d say help the kid out, but he’s got to make the effort to do better in the future. Sort of a “Mom helps those who help themselves.” type of deal.
Bring me the lunch. I’m hungry!
Hee this is really funny to me. I went to school every year on my kids’ birthdays and had lunch with them in the cafeteria. They really like it (or at least they said they did:).) Did it all the way thru high school and I don’t think they were warped too bad. They are dopers now afterall.
I don`t think an effective way to teach personal responsibility is by shirking your own personal responsibility. You’re a parent. Your child is hungry. Your responsibility is to get him some food. Isn’t that literally the first thing they teach parents after the kid pops out? Feed him when he’s hungry?
Why not bring him his lunch and tell him you’d never let him go hungry, because that’s your job as a parent, and his job as an 11 year old is to try not to forget his lunch. When he gets home, you can work together to make a check list and teach junior to go through it every morning checking off all the things he needs to do.
It seems like he would learn his parents are there for him, learn he needs to be responsible for himself, and learn a practical skill to help remember all his important jobs.
Hey, I did say she should bring him the lunch. So he can rely on his family to back him up.
As for naughtiness, there’s nothing in life’s rulebook that says “actions have consequences only when you’re intentionally doing something wrong.” The consequences are there, even if there was no malicious intent - things happen even when you didn’t mean them to. And that’s an important thing to learn.
This is an important point. Kids have limited agency. They don’t have the freedom to go get a lunch elsewhere, they may not even have money in their pocket to do so. That makes them more reliant upon the adults in their lives to level the playing field for them, which can be a burden, when you’re the parent.
But you’re the parent. That’s a role you chose. And everyone forgets things from time to time, whether they’re 11 or 41.
If there’s a way to fix the immediate problem (the need for a growing kid to eat so that they aren’t distracted by their rumbling stomach for the rest of the day) without hardship, then I say solve it. The “responsibility” lesson learned by being left without a lunch is blotted out by the injustice of hunger and the humiliation of being the one who stood out in the lunchroom.
If forgetfulness is a pattern, then it’s time to work with the child and their interests to develop a morning routine. Maybe put a checklist on the door, homework, bookbag, gym clothes, equipment/instrument for after school lessons, bus pass/money, lunch. Denote a place by the door where everything is to be put the night before, and as soon as lunch is made in the morning, the rule should be to go and put it in the place, or in the bookbag, so that it’s not forgotten. (And this step shouldn’t be interrupted by parental demands to hurry up and eat breakfast or brush teeth or whatever else.) Develop a routine – when the kid isn’t hungry.
He’s going to learn and re-learn that lesson every day of his life. There’s no need to screw the kid over by not bringing him his lunch just so he learns it yet again.
When I was a kid (I’m 31, BTW), I’d just go to the office say “I forgot my lunch, can I call my mom?” and it would be no problem.
Yup, that’ how it happened.
As for how often he’s forgotten it, it’s about the 4th or 5th time this school year.
I asked him what he would have done if I hadn’t brought it and he said his friend David had a tuna sandwich that he was willing to split, and some girl was going to give him her orange. He would have survived just fine.
Well, there you go. He’s fine, you’re fine, and it’s dealer’s choice next time he forgets his lunch. Help him out or not, as is convenient for you.
He’s 11, not 2. If he doesn’t already feel secure that he can come to you for help when it’s important, you’ve lost that battle. (Which, just to be clear, is not a problem, to all indications. You’re all good.)
If you wanted to show him there were consequences, you could’ve docked his allowance. Or shown up in curlers, a housecoat, slippers, and a mudpack. 
I’m unmarried and have no kids. So FWIW I don’t know I’d really do anything like the above if I were a parent. I’d probably just deliver the lunch and remind him not to be so forgetful.
OK, what do you think of this idea:
put something nutritious, sturdy and nonperishable (I’m thinking something like a Zone bar or Balance bar) that “lives” in his backpack. If he forgets his lunch, that’s what he gets - if it gets eaten, replace it with a new bar that same night. Since its nourishing and filling but boring (you wouldn’t want to eat it everyday), it’s a motivator to remember his real lunch. At the same time, you’re not inconvenienced, and he isn’t hungry.
I’m most familiar with Zone - when you buy 'em by the box at Target, they’re about $1 per (there’s a store brand too). I wouldn’t choose Granola bars or Powerbars, since they’re almost all carbs. Something with some protein.
Hmm, just to add to the discussion…
I am chronically late and frequently forget things. It is incredibly frustrating and it is just the way I am.
Now, usually if I forgot something important, my mom would bring it to me. However, my big thing was missing the bus. Sometimes my mom drove me, but when she got aggravated that it happened more often, she would either make me stay home or make me walk. The middle school was 2-3 miles from the house and you had to cross extremely busy intersections to get there.
I understand she had her own things to care for and that it was rude of me to disrupt her day and just assume she would bail me out. I felt incredibly guilty about it when she did have to take me, and by the time I was in the ninth grade I would just start out walking every time I missed the bus. The high school was about as far away as the middle school but I had a short cut through the woods that I took regularly. (Note to self… if I ever have children inform them that they are NEVER to walk alone through the woods in the dark).
Now, what I really really wish is that someone had realized at some point that I was not merely irresponsible or lazy, I was really having PROBLEMS remembering and being able to judge times well. I wish someone had taken the time to help me find methods of dealing with it. I still run late and forget things as an adult, but not as often, and I have lots of little ways that I remember things.
Nothing is more frustrating to a person who has trouble remembering things to say “Well just remember it next time.”
Sorry, autz for the slight hijack. And, thankfully, it doesn’t seem like your son has big problems remembering stuff.