Why parents' brains turn to oatmeal

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

or, “Children: Why God Invented Bourbon.”

Seriously, I used to be pretty damn sharp, but it’s stuff like the following exchange (plus being interrupted about every seven and a half minutes) that is wearing down my sanity and reason.

Me: What would you like for lunch?
Kid: Cheese sticks!
Me: One, or two to start?
Kid: Two!
I give kid two string cheese sticks, she takes two bites of one
Kid: I’m done.
Me: OK.
Kid (15 minutes later): I’m hungry.
Me: OK, you can finish your cheese.
Kid: I want something different.
Lengthy debate/battle of wills over her not getting anything different till she finishes the food she requested. Kid decides to eat the cheese, and finishes it.
Kid: I’m still hungry.
Me: OK, you finished your cheese sticks, what would you like now?
Kid: . . . A cheese stick!
Me: :smack:

2

Hah! After battling my kid to actually clean his hands and face and put on a clean shirt before going to visit his best friend (God he’s a messy eater) he announced that I was trying to “make me fancy, like a rock star”.

3

Well, for the record, he’s probably right. The current trend in rock is to look nice. All washed and clean, $100 t-shirts, $400 jeans, etc…

4

I have a nine year old son who likes to look with his hands. We’ve spend nine years trying to break this habit. Today I am putting away the Christmas tree, the ornaments are on the table and this exchange happens between Brainiac4 and the boy.

“Please put that down, those are very breakable ornaments and your mother will be upset if they break.”

He puts down the oranment.

He immediately picks up the ornament next to it.

“Hey, didn’t I just tell you not to touch those.”

He looks sheepish (yeah, he’s old enough to extrapolate that “put down that ornament” means don’t touch the other ones).

His hands move towards another one.

“Hey!”

5

Heh- that sounds familiar. I, too, have a “tactical learner”, also 9. Has to touch every freaking thing, even the seafood at the grocery store.

Last year around this time, he went to school and told someone that his 16-year-old brother had beat him up, that I had called the cops, and that his brother had gone to juvie. None of that ever happened. He has never been beaten by anyone, and his teenage brothers adore him. I did get 6 months of free daycare from CPS, but coming home to that note on the door that Child Protective Services was looking for me shortened my lifespan by about 10 years.

6

I suspect you meant “tactile”, unless, of course, your 9 year old is gifted with an ability to learn which combat maneuver is best while under enemy fire…

:wink:

7

I wouldn’t rule that out. I have a nine year old as well…

I swear I say the same things over and over again, mostly regarding the dishwasher and dirty dishes, putting groceries away, hanging coats up etc. No wonder I can no longer remember how some words are spelled. The 9 year old is not the worst offender, but the teens can drive me mad!

8

Oh, the food thing is driving me nuts! She’s always asking for more, either initially or after she takes two bites, and then never finishing it!

We’re also having a bit of a stand-off regarding autonomy. She asked to watch “Big Bird” this morning, and I said, “Sure! Let’s watch Big Bird after we put away your letters!” I helped her with these big cards that only fit into the tin one way, and as I started picking up the letters, she said, “No! I do it!”

So I backed off, and she looked at them again. “No, I can’t.”

So I said, “Okay, let’s do it together.”

“No, I do it!”

“Okay, you do it.”

“No, I can’t.”

AAAARRRRRRGHHH! This is an easy task, one she most certainly can do and has done. It just became, somehow, a power struggle.

Three hours later, she decided to put away the letters. Y’know, 5 minutes before naptime. :mad: I let her watch a 20 minute Sesame Street DVD instead of the hour long show.

9

:stuck_out_tongue: :stuck_out_tongue: :stuck_out_tongue: :stuck_out_tongue: Preach it!

I’ve been living through all the stuff you guys describe. At times with an echo effect, as kid #2 immediately tries whatever kid #1 has just been reprimanded for. Seeing a sibling being corrected has absolutely NO carryover.

Mine are just now exiting a period of extreme intractability, i.e. they’re about to turn 4. Three-and-a-half was insane. I drank. Rum.

Plus living through 2.5 was excellent preparation, as I knew in my heart that their sweet natures would some day return. Mine do the half-year hell thing in the summer, and by Christmas are once again delightful – just in time to impress the relatives.

Someone in another thread was describing their grandmother with Alzheimer’s and I immediately recognized my twins – not able to remember where we’re going or why, not willing to eat any of the food presented, prone to throwing fits over infinitesimal details, wearing inappropriate clothing (just TRY getting my daughter out of her lightweight princess dress).

Thank Og they’re so cute.

10

The cuteness factor is the only reason the human race has survived.

11

Word.

12

My kids did learn from watching their sibs get disciplined (the blow torch probably made a distinct impression*). But that only applies to them as toddlers etc. The teens seem to have no such advantage.
A friend of mine’s two year old once stuck a tack into the bottom of a full gallon of milk. His reason? “You never told me not to.” :smack:
There was milk everywhere.

*joke…

13

I am not yet a parent, but I have been a child and have observed various children over the years. My conclusion: children are crazy.

14

Food issues? I’m lucky and I know it: my kids have only small ones. They were all born wanting to try everything at least once, they eat their vegetables (one refuses to eat meat now, but I’ve learned to live with that), and they all know that they can eat anything given them and be polite about it without permanent damage. So they’re good. All of them. Basically.

But my younger daughter…

Like many (okay, not many) kids I know, her food preferences change radically and often. But she is blessed not only with food cravings and aversions, but with something like food amnesia. For example, not only will she suddenly, for example, not like ham, she will insist with a martyr’s fervor that she has never liked ham, doesn’t remember ever eating it, and if she did she must have been forced to and has blotted out the memory as too painful to tolerate. The ham she ate Monday night? My delusion, my problem. Okay, dear. At least this idiosyncrasy seems to pick only on things she’s offered, hypothetically, never to something she’s been given.

But she’s recently shown me something new: food aversions can actually cancel each other out. A few weeks ago:

Dad: Time for breakfast, sweetie.

Darling Daughter: What’s for breakfast?

Dad: Would you like cereal?

Darling Daughter: Yuck! I hate cereal (you ate it yesterday, dear, but OK).

Dad: Would you like some toast?

Darling Daughter: I hate toast (no she damned well doesn’t).

Dad: Would you like an egg?

Darling Daughter: Daddy! (This was me being cruel - I know how she feels about eggs).

Dad: Would you like baloney (sure I’m a horrible parent, but she likes baloney and the school bus comes in twenty minutes)?

Darling Daughter: I hate baloney (okay, this means war)!

Dad: Darling Daughter, either you tell me what you want for breakfast right now or I’ll make you eat two tablespoons of peanut butter (anathema!)

Darling Daughter: Can I have an egg and baloney sandwich on toast?

Dad: – -- – -- – .

15

Hah, yeah, I posted that and then went off to do something else, and suddenly thought, “Doh!”

16

King of Soup, I’d probably have had a gibbering fit about then. Alas, when I do that in front of The Monster, she just giggles and looks at me oddly.

There is a reason that those bumper stickers of a few years ago were so popular:
Insanity is hereditary - you get it from your children!

Avenge yourself! Live long enough to be a burden to your children!

17

Much like everyone else.

18

Heheheheheh.

Not learning from others’ mistakes/discipline could be a major issue for us. It seems like a typical kid thing to do, but it drives my husband absolutely batshit crazy (his sister had to make every mistake for herself, and even then sometimes didn’t learn from it).

The other thing that drives me up the wall (aside from the newfound linguistic skills: mumbling and whining) is her inability to comprehend risk. If she’s doing X, and incredibly likely (and undesirable) result Y has not actually happened, then there’s nothing to worry about.

Me: Don’t jump from the couch to the ottoman, you could fall and hurt yourself.
Me: I said, don’t jump like that, you’ll hurt yourself.
Me: HEY! Stop jumping . . .
Kid: Thud WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

19

Well, of course. It’s not like you suddenly stop being crazy when you become an adult.

20

The Kid learned quite young that if she injures herself doing something stupid (and I have clearly defined stupid) there will not be any pity party, and I would probably laugh at her.
One night I was making dinner and she was futzing around in the living room. I heard a huge THUMP and she came running in crying “MOMMY MOMMY!!”, holding her hip.
“What happened?”
“I fell off the couch”
“All that for falling off the couch?”
“Well, noooooo but I hurt mysellllffffffffff”
She took the pillows off the couch and made a pit. Playing Supergirl she jumped off the couch into the pile of pillows…and missed.
“Is jumping off the couch a good idea?”
“(that duh throat sound) Nooooo”
The glare I got when I started laughing at her… but I did at least hand her an ice pack.
She’s now the lovely age of 14. I’ve about given up on dinners. WE plan the menu. She enjoys cooking, so 2 - 3 times a week she makes it. We’re both fairly picky eaters, so agreeing on the menu is important. Menu planned, I hit the grocery store. It NEVER fails that at least 3 times a week we end up grazing because suddenly what she intended to make is no longer appetizing or because I purchased the wrong stuff (even if it IS somethink like I bought store brand canned tomatoes rather than Hunts or whatever sigh)

This morning I stated I was making goulash - quick, easy, comforting. Okay! That sounds good! Yeah, right. At least I’ll have lunch for tomorrow.