When I was 15, me and my friends ate whatever we wanted for lunch, but we also mostly had part time jobs to pay for the crap we ate.
I absolutely agree with this. The school IS at fault for allowing the child to purchase items when he has NO MONEY. How is a parent expected to teach the kid how to budget if he’s always allowed to go into debt?
The solution is for the school to buy a clue and not allow kids to buy things when THEY HAVE NO MONEY/CREDIT.
This, 100%. Your job as a parent is to teach him both financial responsibility and that actions as consequences. What you’re currently teaching him is to blame others for not stopping him from doing stupid stuff. Which, as Shodan aptly points out, is a recipe for absolute disaster once he turns 18 and starts getting credit card offers.
Don’t blame the school for not doing all your parenting for you.
Our son is in kindergarten where they have the same system. We have put money in his account but we only let him buy lunch once (maybe twice) a week as a treat.
Our school, at least, lets us set parameters on his account. So we can say he’s not allowed to buy breakfast or junk food and they won’t let him. I don’t know how they check that, really.
When my son entered middle school last year we set down the rules. I pay for school lunches and he uses he allowance to buy anything else. During the winter he wanted to eat breakfast at school more so we talked about it and we came to the compromise that I pay for 5 meals/week at school. Breakfast or lunch, his choice. But on the days he buys breakfast he needs to pack his own lunch.
Kids at his school (which is 6th-12th) who have a negative balance in their accounts for more than two days get pb&j or a plain cheese sandwich. That’s it. They won’t starve, but they won’t be racking up a debit either. I like this rule.
Have we come up with a reason why his overages can’t be deducted from his allowance?
runner pat and Lynn Bodoni make good points about driving and working ages. I think the driving age here in Idaho has been moved up since I was a teen.
Like Lynn said though, the kid could be working for neighbors or grandparents and should definitely be doing chores at home.
He’s 15 and being sneaky and taking advantage of Opal, for that I think he ought to be punished in some fashion. The allowance/job/learning to manage money issue isn’t a punishment it’s just something we all have to learn and since he’s having money issues now seems like the time for him.
I can’t imagine being a parent, I’m just not observant enough. Even into my teens it felt like my mom was omniscient.
Maybe he doesn’t get one? I never got allowance from my parents.
That would be a good reason, obviously, but if Opal is anything like most parents in the English-speaking world, he gets an allowance.
The system now is set up to insure that 3rd graders get to eat even if mom forgot to give them money or didn’t have any this week. I think its better for the system to err on the side of being flexible.
Wow there are lots of non-parents chiming in here, or parents whose kids are grown.
Opal, didn’t you guys just move this year? So he’s starting out from scratch, no friends? Is it possible that he’s buying breakfast so he can spend more time trying to make friends? If he could make better choices about what he gets (cereal + milk or a wheat bagel), would it be okay if he did that? My little brother struggled making friends at his new school this year, and this past weekend was the first he was invited to a friend’s house. He was thrilled, but the first 5 weeks of school were rough. At his old school he was even quite popular, but the road was still rough. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to meet new friends at a new school in high school, when everyone has pretty much chosen their friends and their dynamic.
True but the system Skammer describes is superior: letting the parents set parameters. But I guess that would require technology that could keep track for you, otherwise it would be unmanageable.
Cut off the account. Let him starve at lunch if he spends all his cash by Wednesday. This is what they call “a teachable moment.”
This isn’t an elementary school kid whose hand needs to be held. This is a high schooler and he needs to behave more maturely. If he’s immature, it’s because he’s been allowed to be that way.
In my (non-parent) world, Dominic would be punished for disobeying and his account would be closed. He’d be brown-bagging it, and every time he charged a meal when he had no money (if the school allowed it on a closed account), he’d be expected to scrub the bathroom.
StG
My brother and sil had this exact same problem last year with my niece. She wasn’t being sneaky and disobedient, though; she was in kindergarten and when the bus room monitor would say to line up for breakfast, she would get in line because that’s what you’re supposed to do when a teacher says to line up. Her parents being a touch forgetful about just when exactly they’d put money on her card, it took them a couple-three months to figure it out and explain things to her.
I agree that there’s probably a social aspect to this, but that doesn’t mean the solution to the situation is to excuse the kid lying and sneaking and let him eat junk food at school every morning. Dude’s 15 damn years old, old enough to be learning to speak the hell up if his needs aren’t being met or if he has a problem. I mean, c’mon, we’re talking about Opal here, not some my-way-or-the-highway screeching harpy who’s going to jump down his throat. She loves him and wants what’s best for him, and if he can’t tell her what he needs, what possible chance is he going to have telling a boss or roommate or romantic partner what he needs?
I’d sit down with the kid and talk to him about why he’s doing this, and base my response on how the talk goes. If he lies about having done it, the account gets closed, and he’s on the brown bag system, plus he gets punished for lying and sneaking. If he says he’s hungry or wants the company in the mornings, I’d work out some sort of compromise that’s going to meet his needs but stay within your financial and nutritional parameters. And punish him for sneaking around, but not nearly so severely.
When I was in high school (2000-2004), my mom would give me $20 on Monday morning and that was my lunch/breakfast/snack/cookie/candy/bullshit money for the week. I could do with it whatever I wanted, but that’s all I got. Why don’t you just close his account and give him cash like this? If he squanders it and starves, that’ll be a lesson for him to learn.
Isn’t this the same kid, she lets look at porn in the house? Threaten to take his porn away and see if he shapes up.
I couldn’t imagine my parents setting rules at 15 about whether or not I could buy a muffin. IANAP but by 15 I would expect you’re old enough to understand basic nutrition and to decide if you really need that extra muffin/roll/whatever for breakfast (and FWIW my grandmother always had coffee cakes for breakfast and she just turned 100). Likewise to manage $10-20 worth of weekly meal money.
So even by your own statement, there is a chance (by your calculations 0.1%, don’t worry I won’t ask for a cite 
) that it is legitimate disobedience. We are talking about a child, not a servant or a slave. A member of the family who’s needs are important to the health of the family. Who’s thoughts and input is valued and respected as a family member. And a child old enough to make decisions.
The solution for the parent is to find out why the choice of disobedience seemed better then the choice of communicating his need openly. And it could very well be that he is not able to communicate the need, such as social interaction, which is why the parent needs to get involved into finding out why.
If there is a money or health reason, both seem invalid as the cost is comparable to a home meal and there should be healthy choices that the child could make.
Why does the OP not want him to have breakfast there, perhaps that would be a good starting point, because unjustified rules, especially for such a older child really cause a rift in the child parent relationship.
Exactly.
Buy some brown paper bags and a pack of bologna. Let him know the next time you see a breakfast on his charge account he’ll be brown bagging it.